How to Make and Keep a New Year’s Resolution in 2013: Choose Happiness

What if this year we simply resolved to live happily ever after? Of course it’s not as simple as a storybook ending but living happy is a lot simpler than we realize. Instead of chasing the elusive diet or quitting a bad habit, this article is about building a lasting sense of well being by using your strengths to fulfill your dreams.

The problem with most New Year’s resolutions is that we typically chose something we don’t want to do rather than something we deeply desire. If you think you need to lose something to feel good about yourself think again. Most of us aren’t strong enough to give up the vise that plagues us because we rely on that food, alcohol, or debt as a temporary fix.

Most New Year’s resolutions are broken before the end of the first month. This time around the New Year’s resolutions bend let’s make a commitment we want to keep.
Take the next few minutes and consider what lasting happiness looks like and how we can create an authentic happiness within ourselves that will last for years to come.

Defining Happiness

Happiness is something we all desire but few take the time to consider what the term means for them personally. The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines happiness as, “a state of well being and contentment”. What makes this a strong definition is the idea that happiness is viewed as a mental state rather than a fleeting emotion. Still, this definition does not tell us what will make us happy.

Patricia O'Grady, a Developmental Psychologist and author of numerous books and articles on positive psychology, defines happiness in way that takes a more practical approach to the meaning of happiness when applied to daily living:

"Happiness is messy. You get it by opening your heart knowing it may get broken. You find it by not letting fear barricade you inside yourself and using your signature strength - humor, optimism, courage, and creativity - to get out of yourself.

You discover it when you're weeping on your friend's shoulder or going to the big game with your buddy. You earn it by doing something for someone else that will never forget what you did for them no matter how grand or simple.

You accomplish it by finding the golden mean in life and maintaining balance in all things. Whatever the outcome - your honest and persistent effort - is always good enough. You do not equate happiness with achievement. You equate it with understanding. And, you do not measure it quantitatively - you experience it qualitatively."

O’Grady tells us we need to get our hands dirty and take a risk for happiness to bloom. She advises us to push ourselves beyond the brink of failure to become the person we want to be deep down inside.

O’Grady advises us to overcome fear by drawing on our personal strengths both to cope with difficulties and overcome what feels like insurmountable problems. These experiences build happiness as they teach us we don’t need a temporary vise to get us through the day. Instead we can press on and develop an inner strength that overcomes fear and failure while promoting a joy that can only be found within.

By the, “golden mean” O’Grady refers to a balanced life rather than an emotional rollercoaster. She speaks of finding happiness moment by moment in the sincere pursuit of excellence. Lastly, happiness in not found by achieving but in understanding yourself and experiencing joy as situations develop.

Adding to our practical dictionary definition of happiness to O’Grady’s real word application of the term we come up with this central idea:

To find happiness, a state of well-being and joy, we must train our mind to
experience contentment. We can accomplish this by demonstrating a willingness to
fail and a dogged determination to keep going. Finding balance in all our pursuits is
also necessary to maintain an unconditional happiness.

Creating the Dream: Living Happily Within

The authentic happiness we are seeking here stretches beyond anything that comes from outside of ourselves. Consider what top blogger Andrea Evans, a Certified Happiness Coach at spreadhappy.com, has to say about nurturing our journey toward happiness:

“Happiness is within us. You can’t buy it, eat it, wear it, live in it or ride in it. It is a choice we make. It is a decision to love ourselves fully, the way we are today, and love and respect others and thereby free ourselves from judgment.

How can we encourage our own happiness?

GRATITUDE - Start by making a list of all the things you are grateful for! Keep it by your bedside so that you are reminded of all the goodness in your life. You may even choose to type it up and frame it so that you are constantly reminded of your gifts.

GIVE what you want to receive. If you are seeking love, be more loving. If you are seeking friends, be friendlier. If you are seeking adventure, be more adventurous! You get the picture...

LIVE your passion! Think about what you would like to see happen in the next year, and make a list or a vision board containing your dreams. Ask yourself what you can do to bring those dreams into your reality, one step at a time. You will be surprised how your dreams come true just by surrounding yourself with the idea, and putting a little bit of effort into a plan.”

Andrea Evans provides the attitude we need to travel forward on the challenging journey of accepting happiness. She reminds us that happiness cannot be purchased. Instead, loving and respecting ourselves and others builds a foundation for happiness. This mindset combined with gratefulness provides the fuel to meet each day’s challenge head on.

Evan’s tells us to live our passion. This idea of living out our dreams requires that we embark on a search mission to find what we’re truly passionate about. You don’t have to quit your job or make some other radical change right away. However, you can begin by taking small daring steps toward discovering your dreams and making them happen one day at a time.

O’Grady provides us with a fuller and more realistic expectation of what genuine happiness looks like while Evans provides tools for the challenging road ahead. Still, we need to define what happiness looks like for us. Perhaps our first New Year’s resolution is to define our dreams and goals. Once articulated, our second resolution is to begin chasing down that dream one step at a time.

Adding to our practical definition above, we have another central idea to fuel our fire going forward:

On the way to happiness we will experience failure, materialism, and selfishness
that will derail us unless we accept these experiences alongside the practice of
search and discovery for new vistas. By loving, respecting, and showing passion for
both ourselves and others, we will overcome all challenges that threaten our
happiness.

Happiness Begins Today

This sounds like a lot of work and it is. However, this type of daily effort makes us stronger, healthier, and happier. Happiness begins today! There is little doubt that struggles lie ahead regardless of the choices we pursue for 2013. Instead of focusing on denying yourself this year, chose to build from the inside out. Dream big and make happiness your New Years’ resolution. Later on you can tackle those pesky issues you need to quit. Only this time you will come from a position of strength. Your new attitude of joy will find you happy to quit anything that stands in the way of putting your best and happiest self forward. And it begins with the gift of hope that you give yourself today.