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Seems like there is some is cultural and generational barriers developing in which younger generations and generations born in the new country can lose track of the sacrifices and costs that their parents and grandparents have laid out for them

in this regard, is anyone with young children keeping track of your kids expenses separately so you can have a total report when they reach 18

what methods do you use? ie. MINT, yodlee, separate credit or bank account for paying for the expenses?

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I have a feeling OP was inspired by this controversial article, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

dyangu (Feb. 02, 2011 @ 12:21a) |

it was actually this thread that inspired me (along with the void of TripleB's departure)

germanpope (Feb. 02, 2011 @ 12:34a) |

I don't understand all of the tension towards the OP.

I used to keep track of every dime I spent on my kids for what I ... (more)

shysteeone (Feb. 08, 2011 @ 7:50p) |

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My god. Having a 14-year-old and a 20-year-old, the mere idea of keeping track of every expense blows my mind. Both my kids have a good grasp on costs/finances because that is the example that's been set for them; they both have healthy savings and a healthy attitude toward saving/spending. At some point, I hope to get them to have a better understanding of risk (my 20-yr-old is esp cautious). I'm more interested in ensuring they receive those lessons than showing them a penny-by-penny accounting of the "sacrifices" which we willingly made for them. Seeing them develop a good grasp of financial principles is its own reward. IMHO, of course.

Why keep track, so when they turn 18 you can tell them how much they cost? Seems like a lot of work to remember I gave them $10 last week so they could buy something, better log it in the spreadsheet!

Parents are supposed to sacrifice for their children in order to provide them with a better life. What's the point of tallying up expenses and costs over 18 years and then shoving the total in front of their faces on their 18th birthday? So they can say "thank you?"

turtlebug said:   Parents are supposed to sacrifice for their children in order to provide them with a better life. What's the point of tallying up expenses and costs over 18 years and then shoving the total in front of their faces on their 18th birthday? So they can say "thank you?"

Producing a respectful disciplined well mannered and good natured kid is what I am after. The term better life encompasses far more then materials or expenses. I would rather then have to sacrifice and learn the value of things then be a spoiled I can have anything I want brat. Maybe the expenses would scare some reason into them before they consider a mattress mambo, so why is that bad?

Mom: "Bobby, you need to eat your peas."

Bobby: "But Mom, I don't wanna eat my peas... I don't like peas."

Mom: "Well then I'm putting 16 cents in your expense tracker for the peas, and an additional 2 cents towards your garbage allotment for throwing them away."

OCD? Anal? Jackass?

I don't need a report.
My daughter will see it by the gray in my hair, and the lines on my face.

DamnoIT said:   turtlebug said:   Parents are supposed to sacrifice for their children in order to provide them with a better life. What's the point of tallying up expenses and costs over 18 years and then shoving the total in front of their faces on their 18th birthday? So they can say "thank you?"

Producing a respectful disciplined well mannered and good natured kid is what I am after. The term better life encompasses far more then materials or expenses. I would rather then have to sacrifice and learn the value of things then be a spoiled I can have anything I want brat. Maybe the expenses would scare some reason into them before they consider a mattress mambo, so why is that bad?


If you haven't been able to get whatever values you wanted to instill in your kids after 18 years, why do you think presenting them with a creepy spreadsheet of how much they cost you is going to make them any better? It makes you seem like a spoiled whiny kid.

biglittle said:   OCD? Anal? Jackass?

you got your button pushed?

DamnoIT said:   Producing a respectful disciplined well mannered and good natured kid is what I am after.

Then go raise your children, rather than tallying up how much you don't value them in a spreadsheet.

Swivelguy said:   DamnoIT said:   Producing a respectful disciplined well mannered and good natured kid is what I am after.

Then go raise your children, rather than tallying up how much you don't value them in a spreadsheet.


+1 - Take the time you'd put in the spreadsheet and spend it with your children. Generally, they are more interesting than a spreadsheet anyway.

The other irony here is that every generation seems to think the next generation doesn't appreciate the sacrifices of the former. Did you get a bill when you turned 18, OP?

Having kids and raising them is supposed to be an act of love on the part of a parent; showing a child a spreadsheet with every expense recorded seems counterintuitive to teaching a kid that making sacrifices for those you love is a good thing - not a tit-for-tat thing. Better to spend your time teaching the kid good values/respect/love for family than in keeping a detailed spreadsheet, IMO. Spoiled kids get that way, IMO, from parents who allow them to become spoiled.

Just OOC, but I get the feeling, OP, that you have no kids?

germanpope said:   biglittle said:   OCD? Anal? Jackass?

you got your button pushed?


Why have kids if you are just going to worry about how much it cost you?

Are you serious? You want to children to appreciate you by letting them know how much they've cost? Penny wise, pound foolish. Absolute nonsense.

Let me blow your mind - what you have isn't inherited from those that came before you. What you have belongs to your children and it is borrowed from them. Think about that.

good comments so far

... tbis shouldn't take much extra time for those that are already anal about their budgeting

... it doesn't have to be pulled out at 18 and it should not be formatted in a way such that it is discovered by accident (rather than plan)

... most of us didn't get one (but that wouldn't prevent anyone from being the first to start a family tradition)


Skinner
Disclaimer
- Skinner said: "....mother insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child"

germanpope said:   generations born in the new country

What new country?
Does the world nave a new one?

I know there has got to be someone out there in FWF world that has one of these

please come forward and share your experience ... don't let the red or the naysayers deter you

Do you really think you are ready for your own thread, Germanpope? ;)

germanpope said:   
... it doesn't have to be pulled out at 18 and it should not be formatted in a way such that it is discovered by accident (rather than plan)...


What exactly would this "plan" be all about? "Here is the $ amount which you should love me?", "Here is why I'm not paying anything for your college?"...

Most likely, "Here is why I was such a miserable asshole your whole life, son! I had to keep this damn spreadsheet for 18 years and I hated every minute of it (and you)!"

Maybe I should start tracking my time/money on taking care of mom...

on 2nd thought... nay...

The amount of $$$$$ dosnt' reflect the care and effort of the parenting effort anyway.

My kids always pay me in hugs, worth every penny.

DavidScubadiver said:   Do you really think you are ready for your own thread, Germanpope? ;)

own up David ... you are seriously considering this idea

germanpope said:   Seems like there is some is cultural and generational barriers developing in which younger generations and generations born in the new country can lose track of the sacrifices and costs that their parents and grandparents have laid out for them

in this regard, is anyone with young children keeping track of your kids expenses separately so you can have a total report when they reach 18

what methods do you use? ie. MINT, yodlee, separate credit or bank account for paying for the expenses?
Having just had a baby, this is what I do. I use a separate credit card. That way, when I am at the store buying groceries, if I have diapers to add, simply tell the cashier - please use *this* card for the diapers, and *that* card for everything else. And if they give me trouble, then I categorize the expense as "babyiaper" using moneydance. I also have my paycheck broken down so that the insurance costs associated with the baby are separately broken out for easier tracking.

I find this much easier than thinking about being a loving parent who will raise a loving and respectful child who will appreciate all he has and all we give to him. Honestly, Germanpope, this is a silly exercise. Your child can no more appreciate the fact that you spend $600 on medical insurance than he can understand that you spend $11,659 on insurance, food, clothing and day care. And, if by the time they are 18 they have not figured out what you did for them, your "proof" is not going to be helpful. Indeed, what the hell are you looking to build a case for anyway?

The new country? What is this, the 1800s?

germanpope said:   DavidScubadiver said:   Do you really think you are ready for your own thread, Germanpope? ;)

own up David ... you are seriously considering this idea
I actually was considering the idea, but not because I wanted to lord it over my child at some point, but simply out of curiosity, just like I keep track of how much money I spend eating out versus money spent on groceries. In the past 365 days I spent 7,038.62 eating out, and $6,170.70 at the grocery store. Now the grocery store includes things other than food, of course. Which is why I was thinking of breaking out the diapers. But it is too much work for me to deal with.

I've got a folder with all the receipts from everything I've paid for our 6 month old. My intention is not to ever show it to her. Just more of a personal curiosity. People always talk about how expensive having a baby is, but I was curious how much we'd end up spending preparing for the birth, and for the first few years. It just seemed like (at least at a young age) it's not really as expensive as people make it out to be. I just wanted to see, so I started dropping all the receipts in a folder. Once we had the baby it has become a "when am I ever going to have the time and go through these" thing. And of course, figuring the cost is extremely complicated by other factors. What about the value of stuff you get as gifts? You also need to add up medical costs (which is difficult to divvy up things like a shared family deductible). And if you stock up on diapers in the first year but actually use them in the second year. Stuff like that. The folder will probably just sit there until one day I decide it's too much to go through and toss it

This is a great idea. I have two daughters. On the day they get married I will go up to the groom and say "here you go" and hand him a bill. Sort of like a reverse dowry.

I'll admit that I am too lazy with my finances to do this even if I wanted to ... my wife does the bills and my job is to politely scold her if something isn't paid

nonetheless, the spreadsheet could be useful for those that don't want to help their parents or siblings because they think they are financially irresponsible

it doesn't have to be pulled out --- but it would be eye opening

it would also be a good data point to share with others

germanpope said:    my wife does the bills and my job is to politely scold her if something isn't paid



She shouldn't be in charge of paying bills if things aren't getting paid. Do it yourself.

turtlebug said:   germanpope said:    my wife does the bills and my job is to politely scold her if something isn't paid



She shouldn't be in charge of paying bills if things aren't getting paid. Do it yourself.


settle down ... you are sounding like my wife

NotSoHard said:   Mom: "Bobby, you need to eat your peas."

Bobby: "But Mom, I don't wanna eat my peas... I don't like peas."

Mom: "Well then I'm putting 16 cents in your expense tracker for the peas, and an additional 2 cents towards your garbage allotment for throwing them away."


Wouldn't you have already had to add the cost of the peas into the spreadsheet regardless of whether or not the kid ate the peas?

jimbocobb said:   NotSoHard said:   Mom: "Bobby, you need to eat your peas."

Bobby: "But Mom, I don't wanna eat my peas... I don't like peas."

Mom: "Well then I'm putting 16 cents in your expense tracker for the peas, and an additional 2 cents towards your garbage allotment for throwing them away."


Wouldn't you have already had to add the cost of the peas into the spreadsheet regardless of whether or not the kid ate the peas?
I think that because we are obligated to feed our children, we can't bill them for it. BUT if they are going to waste food we pay for, then they have to pay. If they refuse you can put the child up for adoption or leave the child at a safe place like a hospital or firehouse.

jimbocobb said:   Wouldn't you have already had to add the cost of the peas into the spreadsheet regardless of whether or not the kid ate the peas?
Supply & demand. Less peas consumed now = presumably, less peas purchased next week, unless these peas were free AC. I kid I kid!

This sounds pretty insane - separate budget. Are you going to budget opportunity costs too now? All the App-o-rama's you could have done if it weren't for the time involved with raising the kid, or the bigger bonus or promotion if you put the time on your job instead of on child rearing?

You have a child because it is something you want to do. The child has no say in the matter and therefore does not owe you anything. You must earn their appreciation - it is not something you are entitled to for making "sacrifices" and incurring costs that you signed up for in the first place, without their input. Many children will ultimately appreciate what you've done, but if they don't, showing them a tally like this is not going to change their minds.

My 3 year old was born premature at 3lb 2oz. I requested an itemized bill to show her the first time she accuses her cheap father of never spending money on her.

Total billed amount was almost $250k. The services were across two calendar years, so I got to pay max out-of-pocket twice.

This is cultural too, but if you're not prepared to pay, then you shouldn't be having children. It's your responsibility!

Having said that, it would be handy to use a rebuttal when your smart-mouthed teenager hits you up for cash

gtstinger said:   My 3 year old was born premature at 3lb 2oz. I requested an itemized bill to show her the first time she accuses her cheap father of never spending money on her.

Total billed amount was almost $250k. The services were across two calendar years, so I got to pay max out-of-pocket twice.


If you paid 250K!!! She will love your insurance company more

Skipping 47 Messages...
I don't understand all of the tension towards the OP.

I used to keep track of every dime I spent on my kids for what I considered to be a simple reason.

As a man who is no longer with the mother, I understand that the "system" comes down pretty hard on "deadbeat dads" whether that label is justified or not.

I wanted more proof to offer than just my "word" that I was doing what I was supposed to when it came to taking care of my kids.

I was always taught, that when it comes to court, whoever has the most paperwork (documentation) is usually who wins, or at least has a lot less hassle, inconvenience and expense.

Fortunately I never had to go through what a lot of good fathers have had to deal with over the years because of the dishonesty of vindictive ex-wives and girlfriends, which has lead to them being lumped in with the actual deadbeat dads of the world.

I am so thankful that me and my kids' mom are great friends with now, but I can truly empathize with the good men who made a horrible choice in who to have kids with.



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