Just wanted to give an update to a topic I started last year which can be found here.
Over the last year we were able to successfully pay off one of the student loans (balance was $5534.86 @ 6.8%). Also paid off the all carried credit card debt. Credit card debt was ~$17K in 0% APR balance transfers. Maxed out my Roth for 2011, and continued contributing to our 401ks, as well as socking away about $3K in cash savings. Unfortunately my fiance was laid off mid January and has been unemployed since but has been drawing unemployment. This has forced us to cut down the monthly student loan payments to the minimum required for now. She's had a few interviews but nothing solid yet; there is potential for her to become re-employed with her former firm in the near future.
Any plans of buying a house were put on hold. She also got on board with my expense tracking once she saw all she had to do was save receipts for me. Now it is second nature for her.
I also was able to move in with her and we've been living together for a year. We did go through some secular pre-marital counseling which we both found extremely helpful and learned a lot of things that may have caused issues in the future.
I'm happy to say our wedding is the first week of May and is well under budget (cost ~$2K for everything) and we have an amazing 11 night trip to Costa Rica planned, completely paid for!
Congrats & good job keeping the wedding costs reasonable. Too many people blow big $$$$ on the wedding/honeymoon.
Rem1
Senior Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 11:00a
Congrats, but not sure what advice to give since there's no question in your post. What advice are you looking for?
gruntwork
Ancient Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 11:03a
Read part of your previous post, interesting history.
wp746911
Senior Member - 1K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 11:26a
It sounds like you are doing it all right-maxing out retirement and paying off debt- really tracking your spending. My thoughts: 1)Continue, even if you start to make more- work on getting her a job- once she starts making more- maybe take a little to go out to eat once a week/movies, but sock the rest away and don't start to live large 2)Props on the cheap wedding- my honeymoon cost about $750- all my friends laughed at me- they are in massive debt and are idiots 3)Don't forget the kid factor- humans are NOT designed to have kids when they are 35, and kids are very rewarding- consider planning on kids at some point 4)I've never got the premarital counseling- heck you are living with her right now so when you get married essentially nothing will change relationship wise- I guess it's good to help you avoid future problems but I found our marriage counseling stupid. Now I wish you had 'prekid counseling'- kids change your life. 5)Keep it up!
It's not too late to back out. My post(s) from last still stand.
raringvt
Ancient Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 11:48a
My advice is to spend a weekend in a college town. Check out all the hot chicks you won't be able to bang. If you're ok with it, go ahead and get married. If the thought of all those perky hot girls being out of your reach FOREVER bothers you, even slightly, then back out.
vegas4x4
Senior Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 11:57a
Congrats on the wedding? Where are you guys going in Costa Rica. I've been twice (Arenal region twice and Guancaste once). It's beautiful and I'm sure you guys will have a great time. Lots to do.
chantspel
Senior Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 12:11p
raringvt said: My advice is to spend a weekend in a college town. Check out all the hot chicks you won't be able to bang. If you're ok with it, go ahead and get married. If the thought of all those perky hot girls being out of your reach FOREVER bothers you, even slightly, then back out.
Lol. Only on FW would you get advise like this.
Dragonsnack
Thrifty Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 12:17p
We do have a timeline for one kid. I only agreed to one. When she is 30, so in about three years.
If the thought of not being able to bang hot college chicks bothered me I wouldn't have gotten engaged to in the first place. Fortunately we are very sexually compatible.
As far as Costa Rica we're going Arenal --> Monteverde --> Manuel Antonio with short over night stays entering and exiting through San Jose.
foghorn19
Senior Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 12:50p
Dragonsnack said: If the thought of not being able to bang hot college chicks bothered me I wouldn't have gotten engaged to in the first place. Fortunately we are very sexually compatible.
Wait until after the wedding is over. And esp. after the kid comes along.
Reading your previous thread, I recommend against getting married. She's out of a job. She has tons of debt. Due to these two big items, right now she's probably modifying her behavior for the sake of getting married.
The only thing that will change most people's behavior is pain. Not counseling. Reading all the details in the older thread, it looks like you're in for a hell of a tough slog. Good luck, whichever way you choose.
nyseGUY
Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 12:53p
In the old days, people got married to move higher on the status ladder. Now, people are getting married because they are in a state of love! As Charlie Brown would say, 'Good grief'!!
As my parents always say, it's as easy to marry a rich girl as it is a poor one!
FSGilbert
Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 1:03p
When you rent your car for your trip in Costa Rica, rent a GPS, too (if you don't have one or can't download maps of Costa Rica to your unit, that is; personally, I think renting a GPS is easier and no more expensive). San Jose is crazy. Driving instructions include things like, "Turn left where the old Coca-Cola plant used to be," or get botched up with Spanglish. There also are some unsavory areas of SJ that you can wander into trying to get from the airport to the SJ hotels/resorts. If it happens to be raining and dark when you arrive in SJ, and the odds always seem to favor that combination, you and your new wife will test the boundaries of honeymooning marital harmony if you don't have the GPS, secular pre-marital counseling or no.
FWIW, we stayed at the "Hotel California," which is near Manuel Antonio. My nephew and his wife stayed there, too, along with their wedding party and guests. I don't know who their wedding planner was, but she did a really nice job. The year we were there they had a 200-year flood in the park's geographical area, but there was enough of a window in the rain to have a beautiful ceremony on the beach.
Bring your binoculars for your trip to the park. Also, be selective in the guide you use. They run to sell their services to you at the park entrance. I wish I could remember who the young man was who guided us. You may be able to pick him out, though, because he is an artist as well as a guide, and sells his paintings/drawings of the park's wildlife near the park entrance. If memory serves, he was about 22 y/o, and we were there 4y ago. Perhaps because he was an artist, he not only noticed things that were out of the ordinary, he seemed to have a special feeling for biology and anatomy, which added to our appreciation of the tour he provided.
Mint.com has helped us a lot, we link all our cards, and then there's no worry about gathering all receipts. Budget categories were adjusted the first 4 or so months, as I got used to our spending habits merging. Now they're pretty solid, and we both know when we're close to our eating out limit, etc. Yes some months we go over, some months we go under... but I see how she's worked her budget to the limit, and I love her for it.
One piece of advice is to make sure you don't just save forever. You have a partner and a teammate, and that is something wonderful. If your needs are met, and you are able to save good. But don't keep saying "I'll save for a rainy day," for so long that you make the storm come. I know I'm a big time saver, sacking away money in different accounts and always saying "I'm broke" to friends. If you're similar to this--make sure your wife is the one person you're honest with. You're not broke, you just at your spending limit.
But--Make sure to spend on your together time. Small trips can replace big trips, but still take them. I don't know if it makes sense, but I'm not saying to go out and buy flowers and diamonds all the time, but don't say "oh we're married, so the gifts or the small surprises stop and the money gets saved instead." If you and her have money goals you're working to and she appreciates that, she'll also appreciate the slice of cake from her favorite bakery every once in a while, or her favorite magazine by the bed to surprise her one day. Lots of guys on here say that once you're married the woman changes....turn the mirror around my friends, I bet you did some changing too.
Note: Been married 1 year.
raringvt
Ancient Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 1:13p
Dragonsnack said: If the thought of not being able to bang hot college chicks bothered me I wouldn't have gotten engaged to in the first place.
My wife and I were too until she got pregnant a little over a year ago. Don't get me wrong, I would never cheat on my wife--I value what we have & our son above anything else in life. Just be sure that you understand that this is your last chance and things are going to change significantly--especially when that kid comes along--they're the ultimate little C-blockers!
Stubtify said: Lots of guys on here say that once you're married the woman changes....turn the mirror around my friends, I bet you did some changing too.
Note: Been married 1 year.
I think the jury's still out on your case.
glxpass
Senior Member - 5K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 1:47p
Keep up the great work and ignore the naysayers. With few exceptions, they tend to fall into the categories of never having been married (but somehow feeling competent to dispense marriage advice), divorced "with prejudice" (so how else could they feel?), and married, but with issues. One person in the latter category often has posts tinged with misogynism (not to mention general disdain for people), yet claims his wife cowed him into moving into an upper-class community.
I was heavily into debt when I married, including owing the IRS thousands in back taxes. My wife was a saver and budgeted everything carefully. A family member (one of hers) gave us a loan in the low five figures that allowed me (actually, us) to pay off my debts. We paid that loan off in about 18 months. (The interest was forgiven.) A little over two years after we married, we bought our home. (Our incomes had increased somewhat and BoA -- of all places -- had a special loan program that catered to our situation. This was well before the housing crisis.)
Obviously, if the gender bias on FWF were reversed and my wife had actually heeded these types of prejudicial comments (little chance of that, since she, like many people, understands that each relationship situation is unique and doesn't deserve to be dismissed by stereotyping and making broad generalizations), we both would have been poorer for that, financially and otherwise.
Congrats, OP, on your upcoming marriage and don't let the usual FWF marriage/women flak deter you. Take the financial advice on FWF for what it's worth (often very useful and helpful) and ignore the relationship advice (often much less helpful and sometimes rather pathetic).
Edited for typos and made some minor corrections.
jkimcpa
Senior Member - 5K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 1:52p
lol you have me all figured out
SUCKISSTAPLES
FW Historian
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 1:57p
Dragonsnack said:
our wedding is the first week of May and is well under budget (cost ~$2K for everything) and we have an amazing 11 night trip to Costa Rica planned, completely paid for! Awesome! Can you share details on how you're pulling off a $2000 total cost wedding ??
PatrickBateman
Senior Member - 1K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:07p
Congratulations.
Marriage is a great institution... if you like living in institutions.
Dragonsnack
Thrifty Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:14p
SUCKISSTAPLES said: Dragonsnack said:
our wedding is the first week of May and is well under budget (cost ~$2K for everything) and we have an amazing 11 night trip to Costa Rica planned, completely paid for! Awesome! Can you share details on how you're pulling off a $2000 total cost wedding ??
Sure:
$200 dress. It is a simple halter that is reversible so she can wear it after the wedding. $50 in bride's attire accessories. $100 groom attire. White Converse, nice pair of dark washed jeans, and a nice dress shirt. $300 for Damascus steel rings, engraved. Free ceremony in a public park with ~ 20 guests. ~$300 for reception space + food. Reception is in a loft above a local Brewery/Restaurant. Plus everyone who RSVPs gets a free beer on us! ~$100 for invitations. We had custom stamps made and stamped out our invitations on blank beer coasters. ~$50 for flowers Future brother-in-law is officiating the ceremony. It is a secular wedding.
I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting something in there, but you get the idea. We've spent about $1500 at this point and have $500 left in the wedding budget.
bluegreenturtle
Tired Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:27p
From a strictly financial standpoint, since this is FWF, my net worth has gone up $50k every year that I've been married, and we both have very modest incomes including a recent year (2010) of saving nothing, having a baby with accompanying huge medical bills and wife taking 3 months off work, unpaid and paying off a $25k debt. Marriage can provide a financial stability that is not available anywhere else - it's the only time in life you will ever get a partner who's goals are aligned exactly with your own, and you can trust. Anybody who says differently married the wrong person, or themselves is the wrong person, period.
Huge areas of angst and unhappiness I experienced in my life before being married are simply gone. Year 8 now.
our wedding is the first week of May and is well under budget (cost ~$2K for everything) and we have an amazing 11 night trip to Costa Rica planned, completely paid for! Awesome! Can you share details on how you're pulling off a $2000 total cost wedding ??
Sure:
$200 dress. It is a simple halter that is reversible so she can wear it after the wedding. $50 in bride's attire accessories. $100 groom attire. White Converse, nice pair of dark washed jeans, and a nice dress shirt. $300 for Damascus steel rings, engraved. Free ceremony in a public park with ~ 20 guests. ~$300 for reception space + food. Reception is in a loft above a local Brewery/Restaurant. Plus everyone who RSVPs gets a free beer on us! ~$100 for invitations. We had custom stamps made and stamped out our invitations on blank beer coasters. ~$50 for flowers Future brother-in-law is officiating the ceremony. It is a secular wedding.
I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting something in there, but you get the idea. We've spent about $1500 at this point and have $500 left in the wedding budget.
I sense a budget wedding topic springing up on FWF... it would be epic with all the haters but also contain good info. Such a good idea.
glxpass
Senior Member - 5K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:33p
If you haven't already done so, make sure the photos are covered. I know that using a professional wedding photographer is above and beyond what you are trying to achieve, but perhaps one of your guests is a decent photographer and is willing to take some extra time to ensure you've a memorable set of pictures from the ceremony and reception. You might enjoy looking at them in the future (ours bring back fond memories and reminiscenses of the folks unfortunately no longer with us) and is a great thing to pass on to your kid(s). They won't believe you were ever that young, LOL.
DasBoot
Greedy Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:36p
Cool story, bro.
TrueKnight
Charter Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:36p
You're missing the pre-nup. Hurry, you only have a month left.
bluegreenturtle said: Marriage can provide a financial stability that is not available anywhere else - it's the only time in life you will ever get a partner who's goals are aligned exactly with your own, and you can trust.
You're missing the part where she's not on the same page as him financially. Agreeing to track spending (and really, she's not, the OP is) and actively working at keeping a budget are two very different things.
tzeric
Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:48p
Please update us every year. The raw numbers and the background info you put forth paints a challenging situation for me objectively and I would love to see a positive result. Thanks!! Best of luck to you Dragonsnack
wp746911
Senior Member - 1K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:49p
Well the debt is one thing, but the important thing is is that she is adjusting to a more frugal lifestyle. Any woman that can agree to a 2k wedding (ours was 20k+...) and is giving her receipts for you to file/budget with, even though she has debt and maybe made some bad choices in the past, is likely on the right track. In the original thread it seemed like she was a little spendy/inflexible, but it sounds like she is more flexible now. As long as she is indeed getting with the program, things are looking up.
If I got a penny for everytime my wife was too tired to do it b/c of the kids or the kids ruined a moment...
glxpass
Senior Member - 5K
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 2:59p
wp746911 said: If I got a penny for everytime my wife was too tired to do it b/c of the kids or the kids ruined a moment... Save some of those pennies for a babysitter and a good, local hotel with a decent day-rate and room service. Amazingly, our nearby Marriott fell into that category.
ETA: I see no reason why sneaking off to hotels should be limited to people having affairs.
ETA2: Google (sex hotels day-rate or some similar keyword combination) or call to find hotels. We just walked in and asked, which made it even more of an adventure.
BitemeIamtoxic
Non-toxic
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 3:03p
50/50 is the statistical average, I believe.
Sesq
Senior Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 4:02p
glxpass said: wp746911 said: If I got a penny for everytime my wife was too tired to do it b/c of the kids or the kids ruined a moment... Save some of those pennies for a babysitter and a good, local hotel with a decent day-rate and room service. Amazingly, our nearby Marriott fell into that category.
ETA: I see no reason why sneaking off to hotels should be limited to people having affairs.
What constitute a good day rate? What is the comparable overnight rate? What hours are typical?
I never imagined any non-seedy place would have such a rate, but would definitely consider that move. Can you use points (kidding. sort of)?
FSGilbert
Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 4:29p
foghorn19 said: Stubtify said: Lots of guys on here say that once you're married the woman changes....turn the mirror around my friends, I bet you did some changing too.
Note: Been married 1 year.
I think the jury's still out on your case.
I'm at the 40-year mark. Stubtify has it figured out. Follow that advice and you're golden.
tiggeroolingoo
New Member
posted: Mar. 29, 2012 @ 4:38p
Congrats! I just got engaged a few days ago too Looking into an engagement party. Are you hosting an engagement party?
Skipping 73 Messages...
nagemnna2
Dismembered Member
posted: Apr. 30, 2012 @ 7:30a
bytem3 said: skansiewicz said: Talk about everything. Toilet seats, Toilet paper, Money, sex, religion, etc. Hopefully not in that order. I like to think that sex trumps toilet seats, but what do I know?
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