86 year old Grandfather has about 1 million in assets. How to ask if I am gonna get any?

I know this is a very tacky subject to bring up, but I gotta do it here.

Health is in slow decline. Dementia, strokes, etc have occurred in the last couple of years. Long story short, I am considering purchasing a piece of real estate soon. If I am gonna get some kind of a lump sum, I would like to know about it for planning purposes...

How am I supposed to know this? I feel awkward bringing it up... Any suggestions?

1) Paternal or Maternal grandpa?

2) How close are you to him?

3) Where & whom does he currently live with?

4) How many children does he have?

5) Is his child (your parent) close to him? How good is your relationship with this parent of yours?

6) Does he have a will? Chances are somebody close to him does know about this?

7) How many grandchildren does he have?

8) Does he have a surviving spouse?

Explain your situation and ask your father (mother). They may know. In fact, they may even lend you the money now if they know for certain what you stand to inherit.

um, if his health is failing, his assets might be needed to provide his care. Pretty easy to run up insane medical bills these days.

Total awol post on thanksiving. OP, let me sum it up --- you are one effin jerk.

I'm not so quick to judge op.

It is an extremely touchy subject , can easily come off as tacky, but from a financial perspective is totally valid , and actually quite important . If no one in the family has broached the topic of estate planning with grandad it may be an important time to do so. Whether it should be op to bring it up is an entirely different question. We don't know enough about the family dynamics to answer

Just assume you are not getting any money, but if you are lucky enough to be left something look on it as a bonus

1) Vegas
2) Hooker
3) Lots of booze
4) cup for his dentures

I would never plan on anything assuming I can tap into a family member's wealth. Helping him to get his estate planning in order is one thing. Eying his money as a potential source to get you started is kind of a taboo in my book. Let him spend his remaining years in peace and don't stress him.

I see two options:

1. Talk to your mom about talking to your grandfather. Some older folks would be happy to help a child or grandchild with making an important purchase. If he wants to help you, it may provide a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for him. A lot of older folks are happy to see that they're paying it forward to family. This would also likely lead to a discussion of "if he does this, here's what's going to happen upon his death to ensure an equitable distribution amongst other heirs."

2. Assume you will receive nothing and you will never be disappointed.

Yes, it's an asshat question, but I also understand where you're coming from. Planning for unknowns is difficult. Best to always assume worst case.

What have you done for him that you feel entitled to anything he has? Plan assuming you get zero, nothing, nada. If something comes your way, treat it as a bonus and use it how you will. There are lots of unknown things in life - including if you will be alive yourself tomorrow or if you will find a briefcase full of a million dollars on the street. Treat this as one of those and hopefully you sleep better.

Assume you get nothing. Set it at $0. If you get something, then pretend it fell out of the sky.

If you found out about an uncle you didn't know you had died and left you $10M would you be thrilled you got $10M or pissed that it was unexpected?

Do your own thing as if you will get nothing, so if you get nothing you won't be disappointed. If it comes, then surprise! reassess and handle it at that point.

Even if you are in the will, you don't know he won't live another 12 years or won't go through all the money with ridiculous end of life medical bills.

And if you do find your expected to get a large chunk, you'll experience cognitive dissonance when it's time to pull the plug since you have a reward in it for you.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   yes, it would likely go over MUCH better as "helping grandson now", and he might want to do that (and offset the inheritance ) rather than asking what you get when he dies.

Or he might not... we don't know what would make him happy. If it really is his last few days, why risk exacerbating the man by asking this question, either directly or through parents? Sure, there is an equal chance he may react positively, but one never knows. The need of the hour is to tend to him and make sure he either recovers or dies as painlessly as possible - interrogating him about his will is not quite up there in the list of priorities, IMHO.

First, real man don't seat around and wait for things to be handed for. As an only son (with 3 older sisters), I don't expect anything from my parent, grandparent. Maybe that's why I ain't got any. That's ok. Second, it depends on the person. I have 6 nieces/nephews. There are favorite ones (really close to me, as if my kids), and there are ones not so close. If anything ever happens to me now, they will all get divided evenly. Then again...this is me. This will applies to my kid/grandkids eventually.

There are kazillion-ways to make money and get rich. Waiting for an inheritance is like waiting to win lottery. Good luck...and be nice to your uncle. I don't think your uncle got his money handed down from his uncle.

Do you feel like you deserve a piece of it?

stop begging
i swear he could give you 50k and you would complain it's not enough

Hey Grandma... I'm your gold digger grand kid. I know you have lots of money, do you leave me any in your will?

First, it is an effin question. why do people believe they are entitled to anything?

2nd - don't worry about 'planning'. if you get anything, then it will be great for your plan to purchase the next property
3rd - I would think the kids (your parents and uncles/aunts) would get it and then something for the 8 grandkids
4th - Honestly, if you are looking at this money as part of your plan to purchase a property, perhaps you are not sufficiently funded to purchase or weather the storm of owning a property.
5th - go with your gut feelings " I feel awkward bringing it up "... then don't bring it up.

After reading this thread, I hope he donates it all to charity.

mjoply said:   I would only see this question in bad taste if you hadn't talked to him in years and now that he is dying you ask. If you already talk with and or visit him frequently, I see nothing wrong with the question. You could tell him about the house so that he knows exactly why you are asking.
I agree - especially if OP doesn't have alot of experience with cash, he's potentially looking at a 6-figure windfall. Simply asking grandpa (on a good day) if he'll be getting anything, and what grandpa would advise doing with it because OP doesnt want to let him down by doing something stupid. And/or maybe ask what grandpa would like him to do with anything he is to receive. It doesn't have to come off as greedy and self-serving, doesnt even need to discuss specific dollar amounts, but more for reassurance that OP knows what to expect and what to do. There's nothing worse than trying to decide what grandpa would want after-the-fact.

And yes, it has alot to do with the family dynamic as well. In some families, now is the time you start helping gramps accumulate as much debt as possible since the debt dies when he does. In other families, even thinking that would get you banned from family gatherings.

You say you have a normal relationship with him. Does he know you're thinking about buying a house, have you mentioned that to him when you share your life's happenings? The next time you are over there on your NORMAL visit, or the next time you call him up as part of your NORMAL routine, mention the purchase as a topic of conversation. Explain where it is... what it's like... what you intend it for... etc. Do not bring up inheritance nor ask him if he can help or anything like that. If he turns the conversation towards money, explain to him how YOU were going to fund the purchase; again do not ask him. Then just leave the topic alone. He may offer up some help, or, he may need a few weeks to stew on the topic and then bring it up. If he doesn't bring it up after you mention your plans in a genuine way of sharing your life with his, then it's not on his mind and you shouldn't go there.