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I know this is a very tacky subject to bring up, but I gotta do it here.

Health is in slow decline. Dementia, strokes, etc have occurred in the last couple of years. Long story short, I am considering purchasing a piece of real estate soon. If I am gonna get some kind of a lump sum, I would like to know about it for planning purposes...

How am I supposed to know this? I feel awkward bringing it up... Any suggestions?

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art07154 (Nov. 25, 2012 @ 8:20p) |

I was going to point that out. Normally, the designated heirs are the living children, not the grandkids.

Argyll (Nov. 26, 2012 @ 12:06a) |

You say you have a normal relationship with him. Does he know you're thinking about buying a house, have you mentioned ... (more)

bxd20 (Nov. 26, 2012 @ 6:58a) |

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1) Paternal or Maternal grandpa?

2) How close are you to him?

3) Where & whom does he currently live with?

4) How many children does he have?

5) Is his child (your parent) close to him? How good is your relationship with this parent of yours?

6) Does he have a will? Chances are somebody close to him does know about this?

7) How many grandchildren does he have?

8) Does he have a surviving spouse?

dmbfan5585 said:   I know this is a very tacky subject to bring up, but I gotta do it here.

Health is in slow decline. Dementia, strokes, etc have occurred in the last couple of years. Long story short, I am considering purchasing a piece of real estate soon. If I am gonna get some kind of a lump sum, I would like to know about it for planning purposes...

How am I supposed to know this? I feel awkward bringing it up... Any suggestions?


You should feel awkward because it is an asshat thing to do. If I was her and you asked me that I would write you out immediately. Don't be a self centered douche.

Explain your situation and ask your father (mother). They may know. In fact, they may even lend you the money now if they know for certain what you stand to inherit.

that is the kind of question, though valid, that can get you written out of the will.

id ask your parent, since you can explain the situation to them.

um, if his health is failing, his assets might be needed to provide his care. Pretty easy to run up insane medical bills these days.

be an adult and make your own million, loser!

Total awol post on thanksiving. OP, let me sum it up --- you are one effin jerk.

For planning purposes, you should assume you won't get any.

I'm not so quick to judge op.

It is an extremely touchy subject , can easily come off as tacky, but from a financial perspective is totally valid , and actually quite important . If no one in the family has broached the topic of estate planning with grandad it may be an important time to do so. Whether it should be op to bring it up is an entirely different question. We don't know enough about the family dynamics to answer

I would only see this question in bad taste if you hadn't talked to him in years and now that he is dying you ask. If you already talk with and or visit him frequently, I see nothing wrong with the question. You could tell him about the house so that he knows exactly why you are asking.

Just assume you are not getting any money, but if you are lucky enough to be left something look on it as a bonus

most of the time the estate planning will be done to avoid Generation skipping transfer taxes.......so you likely will not see much of the $ until your parents pass away ( Unless they spend it all)

1) Vegas
2) Hooker
3) Lots of booze
4) cup for his dentures

newbietx said:   1) Paternal or Maternal grandpa?

2) How close are you to him?

3) Where & whom does he currently live with?

4) How many children does he have?

5) Is his child (your parent) close to him? How good is your relationship with this parent of yours?

6) Does he have a will? Chances are somebody close to him does know about this?

7) How many grandchildren does he have?

8) Does he have a surviving spouse?

1. Maternal
2. About as close as a Grandpa and a grandkid? IDK. Typical relationship
3. He lives in his own house, by himself (now with a live in HHA). I have been handling a lot of the maintenance for years.
4. He has 4 kids (all married), 8 grandkids
5. It is my Mom. We have a typical Mom-son relationship, and she has a normal relationship with her father. She does a lot of chores such as food shopping for him in the last few years.
6. I assume he has a will. I do not know the contents. I know he has a non-resucistion order, so I would be shocked if there is not a formal will somewhere
7. 8 grandchildren (including me)

I would never plan on anything assuming I can tap into a family member's wealth. Helping him to get his estate planning in order is one thing. Eying his money as a potential source to get you started is kind of a taboo in my book. Let him spend his remaining years in peace and don't stress him.

germanpope said:   Total awol post on thanksiving. OP, let me sum it up --- you are one effin jerk.

Eh I guess I am. I dont want to harp on this kind of thing, but I want to know for planning purposes.

I am a total finance geek, track every penny on a spreadsheet, etc. Just having such a large unknown is not in my nature. Especially when I am close to embarking on the biggest financial move of my life, by far (purchasing a piece of real estate)

I see two options:

1. Talk to your mom about talking to your grandfather. Some older folks would be happy to help a child or grandchild with making an important purchase. If he wants to help you, it may provide a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for him. A lot of older folks are happy to see that they're paying it forward to family. This would also likely lead to a discussion of "if he does this, here's what's going to happen upon his death to ensure an equitable distribution amongst other heirs."

2. Assume you will receive nothing and you will never be disappointed.

Yes, it's an asshat question, but I also understand where you're coming from. Planning for unknowns is difficult. Best to always assume worst case.

dmbfan5585 said:   germanpope said:   Total awol post on thanksiving. OP, let me sum it up --- you are one effin jerk.

Eh I guess I am. I dont want to harp on this kind of thing, but I want to know for planning purposes.

I am a total finance geek, track every penny on a spreadsheet, etc. Just having such a large unknown is not in my nature. Especially when I am close to embarking on the biggest financial move of my life, by far (purchasing a piece of real estate)


Then plan to disclaim any inheritance. Problem solved.

What have you done for him that you feel entitled to anything he has? Plan assuming you get zero, nothing, nada. If something comes your way, treat it as a bonus and use it how you will. There are lots of unknown things in life - including if you will be alive yourself tomorrow or if you will find a briefcase full of a million dollars on the street. Treat this as one of those and hopefully you sleep better.

mikk1 said:   I see two options:

1. Talk to your mom about talking to your grandfather. Some older folks would be happy to help a child or grandchild with making an important purchase. If he wants to help you, it may provide a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for him. A lot of older folks are happy to see that they're paying it forward to family. .


yes, it would likely go over MUCH better as "helping grandson now", and he might want to do that (and offset the inheritance ) rather than asking what you get when he dies.

Assume you get nothing. Set it at $0. If you get something, then pretend it fell out of the sky.

If you found out about an uncle you didn't know you had died and left you $10M would you be thrilled you got $10M or pissed that it was unexpected?

Do your own thing as if you will get nothing, so if you get nothing you won't be disappointed. If it comes, then surprise! reassess and handle it at that point.

Even if you are in the will, you don't know he won't live another 12 years or won't go through all the money with ridiculous end of life medical bills.

And if you do find your expected to get a large chunk, you'll experience cognitive dissonance when it's time to pull the plug since you have a reward in it for you.

It's great the old man has some assets to help him in his last days. One million can disappear very fast, and you don't know his net worth. It is more likely that he is leaving his assets to his children, with possibly a relatively small bequest to each grandchild. Or, possibly, nothing.

So fuggetaboutit, do not plan on an inheritance, and please don't ask the grandfather or your mother, you will cause grief and no good can come of it. If your grandfather wanted you to know what to expect from an inheritance, he was free to tell you when he was of sound mind and preparing his estate documents.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   yes, it would likely go over MUCH better as "helping grandson now", and he might want to do that (and offset the inheritance ) rather than asking what you get when he dies.

Or he might not... we don't know what would make him happy. If it really is his last few days, why risk exacerbating the man by asking this question, either directly or through parents? Sure, there is an equal chance he may react positively, but one never knows. The need of the hour is to tend to him and make sure he either recovers or dies as painlessly as possible - interrogating him about his will is not quite up there in the list of priorities, IMHO.

I've been in same situation in past with 3 different wealthier relatives. It is a total jerk move to bring this up....if you have a meaningful relationship with that person they will probably tell you, though. Also, have you received any money already? Normally if there is that much money and the person is working with a financial advisor at this age, they will be gifting the money annually to avoid estate tax. Do you and your wife each get a $10k check per year already (that would obviously be a telling sign.....or if others are getting checks and you are not)?

First, real man don't seat around and wait for things to be handed for. As an only son (with 3 older sisters), I don't expect anything from my parent, grandparent. Maybe that's why I ain't got any. That's ok. Second, it depends on the person. I have 6 nieces/nephews. There are favorite ones (really close to me, as if my kids), and there are ones not so close. If anything ever happens to me now, they will all get divided evenly. Then again...this is me. This will applies to my kid/grandkids eventually.

There are kazillion-ways to make money and get rich. Waiting for an inheritance is like waiting to win lottery. Good luck...and be nice to your uncle. I don't think your uncle got his money handed down from his uncle.

Despite their financial tailspin, the couple didn't look a bit worried, says wills lawyer Les Kotzer. When he asked what the husband did for a living, the wife joyfully answered: "Harry's a waiter."

No, not the kind who works in restaurants.

"A 'waiter' because he's waiting for his inheritance," Kotzer says.


http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/parenting-family/story/2012-...

Do you feel like you deserve a piece of it?

ONLY a million AND he has FOUR kids? Well first off grand kids get SQUAT unless ALL first gen are hated or dead. You ain't getting NOTHING!

stop begging
i swear he could give you 50k and you would complain it's not enough

Do what any self-respecting vulture would do: befriend him and manipulate him into writing everyone else out of his will.

Hey Grandma... I'm your gold digger grand kid. I know you have lots of money, do you leave me any in your will?

ziffy said:   Hey Grandma... I'm your gold digger grand kid. I know you have lots of money, do you leave me any in your will?

Hey Grandpa, I am a financial geek and my Excel spreadsheet is all set up for my next 20 years. When will you die and can it be sooner? Would you send some $$ over now because I really need it and you have no use for it once the Big Guy above calls you home.

First, it is an effin question. why do people believe they are entitled to anything?

2nd - don't worry about 'planning'. if you get anything, then it will be great for your plan to purchase the next property
3rd - I would think the kids (your parents and uncles/aunts) would get it and then something for the 8 grandkids
4th - Honestly, if you are looking at this money as part of your plan to purchase a property, perhaps you are not sufficiently funded to purchase or weather the storm of owning a property.
5th - go with your gut feelings " I feel awkward bringing it up "... then don't bring it up.

I wish all the best to your grandfather, I hope he lives 50 more years so you won't get anything haha

After reading this thread, I hope he donates it all to charity.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   

id ask your parent, since you can explain the situation to them.


No. Just no. If I'm dealing with my parent dying, the absolute last thing I want to have to deal with is some greedy kid of mine asking how much cash he can expect from Dad's death.

mjoply said:   I would only see this question in bad taste if you hadn't talked to him in years and now that he is dying you ask. If you already talk with and or visit him frequently, I see nothing wrong with the question. You could tell him about the house so that he knows exactly why you are asking.
I agree - especially if OP doesn't have alot of experience with cash, he's potentially looking at a 6-figure windfall. Simply asking grandpa (on a good day) if he'll be getting anything, and what grandpa would advise doing with it because OP doesnt want to let him down by doing something stupid. And/or maybe ask what grandpa would like him to do with anything he is to receive. It doesn't have to come off as greedy and self-serving, doesnt even need to discuss specific dollar amounts, but more for reassurance that OP knows what to expect and what to do. There's nothing worse than trying to decide what grandpa would want after-the-fact.

And yes, it has alot to do with the family dynamic as well. In some families, now is the time you start helping gramps accumulate as much debt as possible since the debt dies when he does. In other families, even thinking that would get you banned from family gatherings.

"He has 4 kids (all married), 8 grandkids"

1000000/4 = 250,000 each for kids - - - Grandkids 0.00
Thats the way it usually works.

Skipping 28 Messages...
You say you have a normal relationship with him. Does he know you're thinking about buying a house, have you mentioned that to him when you share your life's happenings? The next time you are over there on your NORMAL visit, or the next time you call him up as part of your NORMAL routine, mention the purchase as a topic of conversation. Explain where it is... what it's like... what you intend it for... etc. Do not bring up inheritance nor ask him if he can help or anything like that. If he turns the conversation towards money, explain to him how YOU were going to fund the purchase; again do not ask him. Then just leave the topic alone. He may offer up some help, or, he may need a few weeks to stew on the topic and then bring it up. If he doesn't bring it up after you mention your plans in a genuine way of sharing your life with his, then it's not on his mind and you shouldn't go there.



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