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mistycoupon said:   "He has 4 kids (all married), 8 grandkids"

1000000/4 = 250,000 each for kids - - - Grandkids 0.00
Thats the way it usually works.

Or $125k per grandkid.

Or $200k per kids, $25k per grandkid.

Or $500k for 2 kids, nothing for the others.

Or $0 for them all and some charity scores big.

Etc, etc, etc.

There is no "usually".

If you are purchasing a place, plan it with your "OWN" asset. It's that simple. If you are going to get any of your grandfather assets, just consider it as a bonus and use that to pay off bills.

Glitch99 said:   mjoply said:   I would only see this question in bad taste if you hadn't talked to him in years and now that he is dying you ask. If you already talk with and or visit him frequently, I see nothing wrong with the question. You could tell him about the house so that he knows exactly why you are asking.
I agree - especially if OP doesn't have alot of experience with cash, he's potentially looking at a 6-figure windfall. Simply asking grandpa (on a good day) if he'll be getting anything, and what grandpa would advise doing with it because OP doesnt want to let him down by doing something stupid. And/or maybe ask what grandpa would like him to do with anything he is to receive. It doesn't have to come off as greedy and self-serving, doesnt even need to discuss specific dollar amounts, but more for reassurance that OP knows what to expect and what to do. There's nothing worse than trying to decide what grandpa would want after-the-fact.

And yes, it has alot to do with the family dynamic as well. In some families, now is the time you start helping gramps accumulate as much debt as possible since the debt dies when he does. In other families, even thinking that would get you banned from family gatherings.


Inaccurate. Much will depend on how Grandpa's assets are titled/if probate will be required etc. In most jurisdictions claims must be resolved before distributions to beneficiaries. This would only be a viable strategy if there were no assets.

dmbfan5585 said:   germanpope said:   Total awol post on thanksiving. OP, let me sum it up --- you are one effin jerk.

Eh I guess I am. I dont want to harp on this kind of thing, but I want to know for planning purposes.

I am a total finance geek, track every penny on a spreadsheet, etc. Just having such a large unknown is not in my nature. Especially when I am close to embarking on the biggest financial move of my life, by far (purchasing a piece of real estate)


Relax and take a break. Lot more to life than money, or worrying about money, weather you have it or not. The happiest people I know are the ones with the least money, they are not rich or poor, and money doesn't control every facet of their lives. I see a lot of young people today obsessed with money. Even though this is FWF, money should not be the top priority in our lives.

agree that the grand kids should not be asking this question about how much $ will i get. OP should make decisions about his own life without expecting anything from granddad

another set of questions has to do with knowing the grandfather's wishes and those should be asked by one of his own children (not grand kid) an attorney recently gave a seminar at church and the one thing he said was the most unkind thing you can do to your family is to not plan for the possibility of becoming incapacitated and/or die without having a will. That just adds more stress to all involved and its very costly as the family does not know the wishes of the grandfather. This attorney was honest about the fact that he makes most his money from those that do not have any of those documents prepared and it would be less than a $1,000 to get these documents prepared.

2stepsbehind said:   Glitch99 said:   mjoply said:   I would only see this question in bad taste if you hadn't talked to him in years and now that he is dying you ask. If you already talk with and or visit him frequently, I see nothing wrong with the question. You could tell him about the house so that he knows exactly why you are asking.
I agree - especially if OP doesn't have alot of experience with cash, he's potentially looking at a 6-figure windfall. Simply asking grandpa (on a good day) if he'll be getting anything, and what grandpa would advise doing with it because OP doesnt want to let him down by doing something stupid. And/or maybe ask what grandpa would like him to do with anything he is to receive. It doesn't have to come off as greedy and self-serving, doesnt even need to discuss specific dollar amounts, but more for reassurance that OP knows what to expect and what to do. There's nothing worse than trying to decide what grandpa would want after-the-fact.

And yes, it has alot to do with the family dynamic as well. In some families, now is the time you start helping gramps accumulate as much debt as possible since the debt dies when he does. In other families, even thinking that would get you banned from family gatherings.


Inaccurate. Much will depend on how Grandpa's assets are titled/if probate will be required etc. In most jurisdictions claims must be resolved before distributions to beneficiaries. This would only be a viable strategy if there were no assets.
For the point being made, it is completely accurate. The "depends on" you add is clearly part of the strategy, which I didn't mention because successfully executing that strategy wasnt the point being made. The point was that some people/families consider intentionally planning to profit from someone's death to be undignified and slimy, while others will plan to score every last dollar they can, and his family's attitude will dictate how OP approaches this conversation if he even should at all..

Tacky is an understatement! You should be ashamed! He has no obligation to leave you one cent and with relatives like you I would hope he wouldn't.

I don't understand why everybody is so upset at the OP. He's not implying he is entitled to anything, he just wants more access to information about an event likely to happen soon. Furthermore, there is reason to believe that the answer he seeks does exist.
However... your grandfather clearly isn't interested in telling you, or he could have done that already. So it gets to be a mystery. One helpful question to ponder though, is did he always give you birthday presents/cash? If he didn't, it seems unlikely he'd be leaving money for you now. Unless you have a specific reason to think that he's left you money, you should assume it will be going to his children.

FWIW, my grandpa left most of his assets to my grandmother, and then equally divided the remainder between the three children. Grandchildren did not inherit. When my grandmother dies, her assets will be divided equally among her children, with grandchildren receiving only what their parents choose to give to them. The way things go in my family, we'll get our pick of some personal items (jewelry/furniture, photos, decor) with the understanding that the item should "stay in the family." Grandchildren should generally not expect to inherit unless the decedent has put a lot of time and thought into planning their estate. And if they had, you would likely know about it.

The default distribution of assets is almost always: all to spouse and if my spouse predeceases me, equal share to each of my children. If one child is dead, then their share may go to their heirs. In which case, you'd only inherit if your mom & dad die first. There are lots of other potential configurations, but a lot of people go with uncomplicated defaults or forms.

My mother-in -law is 97 and Im not planning anything. She had open heart surgery 30 years ago and is doing fine. My wife manages the family trust and we have a lawyer to overlook it. When she goes, if we out live her the trust goes to two children. Other assets will be divided as she and her husband wished. Grandkids? She has many but not on the trust. Don't count on anything. Then if you get something that's great. If you get nothing, well, you are still fortunate to have had a good relationship.

Most questions about sex or inheratance fall into the category of: 'if you have to ask....' [then you won't like the answer]

dmbfan5585 said:   I know this is a very tacky subject to bring up, but I gotta do it here.

Health is in slow decline. Dementia, strokes, etc have occurred in the last couple of years. Long story short, I am considering purchasing a piece of real estate soon. If I am gonna get some kind of a lump sum, I would like to know about it for planning purposes...

How am I supposed to know this? I feel awkward bringing it up... Any suggestions?

I'm sure you'll get what's coming to you.

Another "new member, ridiculous question" thread huh? I'm guessing you'll get nothing and like it. Like others have said, why wouldn't he give it to his kids? In similar situations, I've heard of the grandkids getting a token $5k or so as a gift from grandpa, but certainly no windfall.

And if you are this selfish to his face, he probably wrote you out a long time ago.

The wisdom of the great Stephen Lynch may help here (audio NSFW):

Granfather

Can believe no one referenced this yet.

It all seriousness, I am with SIS. While it is a difficult subject, many (most?) estates get taxed much more than is necessary because of poor estate planning. Poor estate planning also leads to family disagreements, money wasted on legal disputes, etc. That said, at the side of someone's death bed is not the place to bring it up, and it is hard to say who the individual in a particular family is that should be the one to do so.

A reasonable approach may be to suggest that "I am not trying to be greedy or insensitive, but Grandpa worked hard all his life to accumulate his wealth and probably would be happy knowing that the IRS and lawyers took as little of it as possible." Grandpa may already have had this discussion with someone in the family (most likely one of his children), and that person will likely be the executor of the estate.

I was "that guy" who raised the issue of estate planning... and did it with relatives. They are not financially savvy and never imagined you could do things to minimize the impact of estate taxes. I was glad I did it before anyone was gravely ill and only pointed out there are things that could be done to reduce how much would go to the government. Never suggested I was interested in being involved, or should receive anything, only that for their family's own benefit it would be smart to investigate it.

Honestly, had I been even remotely in line to be receiving anything, I don't know if I could have raised the issue as I wouldn't know how to do it without it coming across as trying to scheme to get more. One of the children can do it by approaching it as wanting to know exactly what the parents wishes are so they get carried out when the time comes, but beyond that it's going to be awkward.

dbl118 said:   I don't understand why everybody is so upset at the OP. He's not implying he is entitled to anything, he just wants more access to information about an event likely to happen soon. Furthermore, there is reason to believe that the answer he seeks does exist.
However... your grandfather clearly isn't interested in telling you, or he could have done that already. So it gets to be a mystery. One helpful question to ponder though, is did he always give you birthday presents/cash? If he didn't, it seems unlikely he'd be leaving money for you now. Unless you have a specific reason to think that he's left you money, you should assume it will be going to his children.

This ism't about OP's financial survival, he's hoping for some free money with which to make a real estate purchase -- soon. He needs to know if he will inherit anything, if so, how much, and finally, when he will inherit (i.e., when will his grandfather die). Frankly, OP isn't entitled to know the answers to any of those questions. It's not only tacky and ghoulish, but it's also poor planning to base one's financial decisions on an event that hasn't happened yet. OP already knows what he needs to know about his possible inheritance: nothing. If the real estate acquisition is so important, come up with another plan than waiting for the grandfather's death and hoping to fund the acquisition with an inheritance.

ETA: For those advocating estate planning, it's quite possible that's already been done in this case, and I hope in accordance with the grandfather's wishes. The grandfather's current health issues and apparent dementia would make it difficult to do such planning now. In any event, that doesn't seem to be OP's priority here.

ETA2: I haven't seen OP evince any desire to "understand the process" or to ensure his grandfather's estate planning was done properly. It sounds like OP's mother, not OP, has been helping the grandfather, although that wouldn't really matter in terms of whether OP should expect to inherit anything.

OP's motivation is clearly expressed in his thread title and posts:

"86 year old Grandfather has about 1 million in assets. How to ask if I am gonna get any?"

The easy answer is: "You don't [ask about your inheritance]."

You cannot ask. I would not even ask my parents, for fear the inquiry might become known to my grandparents.

I usually agree with you glxpass, but not here. All he has said is he wants to know more about how the process works. The idea of him being greedy for money was added by others. It may be true, but that's connecting dots that aren't there. We do know that he has been handling the maintenance for years... I assume for free? I also don't think it's poor planning to base his financial decision on an event that has happened yet...on the contrary it seems like it's wise of him to try and have a more accurate understanding of his future financial status. He shouldn't be preparing for the worst possible scenario, he should be preparing for the most likely possible scenarios. For all he knew, the "norm" was that he would be getting 50K inheritance here.

Put another way, it would be tacky of him to ask his grandfather. Asking strangers though...that's just gathering info.

In any case I think he's gotten the message that he shouldn't expect anything unless he has reason to believe that his grandfather would specifically include him. So in purchasing his home he should expect nothing from his grandfather... not because he is a jerk, but because one does not normally receive inheritance from two generations up.

While I agree op, the grandchild , should probably not directly ask grandpa , it is precisely this mindset of "don't say anything " that results in so many estates being depleted due to poor/no planning, and family disputes after death.

Again , not knowing the family dynamics involved we don't know if approaching someone else in the family who may know if grandpas affairs are in order would be taken as offensive . Hopefully if op approaches his own parent (grandpas child ) he can find out this info without it being offensive .

Even if someone in the family has helped grandpa "get his affairs in order" , the likelihood it was done correctly or financially optimally is low - unless competent professionals guided them.

While I understand the taboo of bringing subjects like this up, sticking your head in the sand and everybody being afraid to say a word is precisely what leads to needless six/seven /eight figure losses

Since Grandpa has dementia, I say ask him when no one is around and see what he says. He probably won't remember tomorrow. Even if he does, it is probably too late for him to change his will due to his mental incapacity.

But in all seriousness, buy property based on how much you can afford and no more. Any inheritance will be a nice bonus that you can use to pay down the mortgage. If everything goes to his children (likely) then you will still be in fine financial shape.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   While I agree op, the grandchild , should probably not directly ask grandpa , it is precisely this mindset of "don't say anything " that results in so many estates being depleted due to poor/no planning, and family disputes after death.

Again , not knowing the family dynamics involved we don't know if approaching someone else in the family who may know if grandpas affairs are in order would be taken as offensive . Hopefully if op approaches his own parent (grandpas child ) he can find out this info without it being offensive .

Even if someone in the family has helped grandpa "get his affairs in order" , the likelihood it was done correctly or financially optimally is low - unless competent professionals guided them.

While I understand the taboo of bringing subjects like this up, sticking your head in the sand and everybody being afraid to say a word is precisely what leads to needless six/seven /eight figure losses


The taboo here is the grandson is literally salivating at the prospect of getting his hands on Grandpa's wealth. If the OP had written a thread asking "how do I make sure my grandfather's affairs are in order" my guess is he'd be receiving a tidal wave of green. as it is, he's a human vulture circling his prey.

2stepsbehind said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   While I agree op, the grandchild , should probably not directly ask grandpa , it is precisely this mindset of "don't say anything " that results in so many estates being depleted due to poor/no planning, and family disputes after death.

Again , not knowing the family dynamics involved we don't know if approaching someone else in the family who may know if grandpas affairs are in order would be taken as offensive . Hopefully if op approaches his own parent (grandpas child ) he can find out this info without it being offensive .

Even if someone in the family has helped grandpa "get his affairs in order" , the likelihood it was done correctly or financially optimally is low - unless competent professionals guided them.

While I understand the taboo of bringing subjects like this up, sticking your head in the sand and everybody being afraid to say a word is precisely what leads to needless six/seven /eight figure losses


The taboo here is the grandson is literally salivating at the prospect of getting his hands on Grandpa's wealth. If the OP had written a thread asking "how do I make sure my grandfather's affairs are in order" my guess is he'd be receiving a tidal wave of green. as it is, he's a human vulture circling his prey.


Which of the OP's words suggest that he "is literally salivating at the prospect of getting his hands on Grandpa's wealth"? Almost anybody with a dying millionaire relative would be wondering if they would get any inheritance. The OPs crime is not for being greedy, it's for asking a dumb question that we couldn't possibly answer. Red me all you want, but the people calling him names are certainly no better than the OP.

dbl118 said:   2stepsbehind said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   While I agree op, the grandchild , should probably not directly ask grandpa , it is precisely this mindset of "don't say anything " that results in so many estates being depleted due to poor/no planning, and family disputes after death.

Again , not knowing the family dynamics involved we don't know if approaching someone else in the family who may know if grandpas affairs are in order would be taken as offensive . Hopefully if op approaches his own parent (grandpas child ) he can find out this info without it being offensive .

Even if someone in the family has helped grandpa "get his affairs in order" , the likelihood it was done correctly or financially optimally is low - unless competent professionals guided them.

While I understand the taboo of bringing subjects like this up, sticking your head in the sand and everybody being afraid to say a word is precisely what leads to needless six/seven /eight figure losses


The taboo here is the grandson is literally salivating at the prospect of getting his hands on Grandpa's wealth. If the OP had written a thread asking "how do I make sure my grandfather's affairs are in order" my guess is he'd be receiving a tidal wave of green. as it is, he's a human vulture circling his prey.


Which of the OP's words suggest that he "is literally salivating at the prospect of getting his hands on Grandpa's wealth"? Almost anybody with a dying millionaire relative would be wondering if they would get any inheritance. The OPs crime is not for being greedy, it's for asking a dumb question that we couldn't possibly answer. Red me all you want, but the people calling him names are certainly no better than the OP.


"86 year old Grandfather has about 1 million in assets. How to ask if I am gonna get any?"
I sincerely doubt that "almost anybody" would be wondering that. Most well adjusted people would be sad about the prospect of their relative dying. To the extent that the question even crossed their mind, for most well adjusted individuals the next thought wouldn't be how do I ask my demented grandfather because I don't have enough for a down-payment and that money sure could be handy. Good grief.

As Misty said, I would assume that your parents will get 25%. Then depending on how many siblings you have, divide the $250k by that. Of course you'll need to ask your parents when they're planning to pass away, so you can time your real estate purchase to coincide with that.

And depending on the state grandpa lives in, that million could be a bit less. There are state inheritance taxes, executor and legal fees, etc. Could end up below $900k before you know it.

Boooooo!!!

I was going to point that out. Normally, the designated heirs are the living children, not the grandkids.

You say you have a normal relationship with him. Does he know you're thinking about buying a house, have you mentioned that to him when you share your life's happenings? The next time you are over there on your NORMAL visit, or the next time you call him up as part of your NORMAL routine, mention the purchase as a topic of conversation. Explain where it is... what it's like... what you intend it for... etc. Do not bring up inheritance nor ask him if he can help or anything like that. If he turns the conversation towards money, explain to him how YOU were going to fund the purchase; again do not ask him. Then just leave the topic alone. He may offer up some help, or, he may need a few weeks to stew on the topic and then bring it up. If he doesn't bring it up after you mention your plans in a genuine way of sharing your life with his, then it's not on his mind and you shouldn't go there.



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