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In the sea of "dump the car, get a crown vic" people, I'd like to entertain a discussion which I'm sure will prove to be equal parts insightful and entertaining.

For those who are married, have you ever upgraded your significant other's wedding band hardware? If so, why? If not, why not?

Contrary to so many of the recent posts, I'm not looking to rationalize anything or combat everyone's advice. I'm just curious to see how us FWFers weigh in on something like this!

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Geo- What did you do to help?

nothingevertodo (Dec. 02, 2012 @ 1:34p) |

geo123 (Dec. 02, 2012 @ 4:20p) |

I used that thread as well to get a rock from Good Old Gold for a really good price 4 years ago. Thanks, Geo!!

UtahDealSeeker (Dec. 02, 2012 @ 5:00p) |


It only makes sense to upgrade the wedding band if you upgrade the finger you're putting it on.

You wouldn't spend $10k to rebuild an engine of a 40 year old car that has chipped paint, a dented frame and a rusted undercarriage, would you?

no. used grandmothers rings from both sides (3 rings total). Sentimental value > the size of a diamond.

Happily married for 23 years. I don't wear a ring, neither my husband.

Why not? Just don't feel the "need" of the ring to demonstrate (to others) our commitment to each other.

My boyfriend and I chose a budget together ($3k), which we felt was enough to get a ring that would be nice and quality without compromising our other financial goals. Personally, the meaning for me is in the intention and the memories attached to it, not the size of the diamond, so I can't imagine "upgrading" in the future, although I know many do. It's a very personal decision though; I know many people are perfectly happy with a CZ stone and a SS band, or no ring at all.

"Upgrade" would seem to imply some sort of improvement in functionality. How exactly is a more expensive diamond "better" at anything?

cuz you can't see a non better fring from across the mall. that's why it's betterppatin said:   "Upgrade" would seem to imply some sort of improvement in functionality. How exactly is a more expensive diamond "better" at anything?

ppatin said:   "Upgrade" would seem to imply some sort of improvement in functionality. How exactly is a more expensive diamond "better" at anything?
Its original purpose was to provide bragging rights for the wife to her friends, and I'm sure a bigger pricier one will indeed be an upgrade in this capacity.

xerty said:   ppatin said:   "Upgrade" would seem to imply some sort of improvement in functionality. How exactly is a more expensive diamond "better" at anything?
Its original purpose was to provide bragging rights for the wife to her friends, and I'm sure a bigger pricier one will indeed be an upgrade in this capacity.


Yet, the male's bragging rights will be severely diminished by this future point in the marriage.

unimeg said:   Personally, the meaning for me is in the intention and the memories attached to it

If that's the case then why not skip the ring all together? Use the money to take a trip somewhere exotic and actually create some great memories together.

I did. After 20 years.

In 1990, I was a kid making $8/hr who bought her a ring from JC Penney. I think it was 10K gold with an arrangement of sand for a stone. After 20 years, I figured she wasn't a gold digger, and I had started to earn a real living.

I didn't go to Jared, though... I researched specific stones on several reputable diamond sites (Blue Nile, Amazon, and others) and settled on two that she and I liked. Ordered both set in a ring of her choice. When they arrived, we picked the one we liked best and returned the other.

She loves that new rock and what it represents, and I feel like I made a well-reasoned well-researched purchase (as reasonable as can be for jewelry).

Myself, I wear a plain gold band that is well worn. The original was cut off some 15 years ago when I broke my fingers playing basketball. This one will last until I break them again.

mimi6789 said:   Happily married for 23 years. I don't wear a ring, neither my husband.

Why not? Just don't feel the "need" of the ring to demonstrate (to others) our commitment to each other.


+1

The question I have is, "what is the goal of the ring?"

We both wear a plain band that doesn't have anything on it. It serves as a social vehicle that indicates our basic marital status and eliminates the anyone's need to ask. To have to 'demonstrate to others' sounds like there is an issue with insecurity, and an elaborate ring won't fix/validate the emotional climate anyway.

LAwoodtiger said:   The question I have is, "what is the goal of the ring?"

We both wear a plain band that doesn't have anything on it. It serves as a social vehicle that indicates our basic marital status and eliminates the anyone's need to ask. To have to 'demonstrate to others' sounds like there is an issue with insecurity, and an elaborate ring won't fix/validate the emotional climate anyway.


A better question is "what is the goal of marriage?" It serves as a social vehicle that indicates your basic relationship status and eliminates anyone's need to ask if you're single. To have to 'demonstrate to others' what your relationship means sounds like there is an issue with insecurity and the elaborate legal contract of marriage won't fix/validate the emotional climate anyway.

Very interesting. I've been contemplating a similar (but opposite) thread for a while now.

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and are very happy. But both of us are growing increasingly weary of paying $100+ a year just to insure a ring that, if the diamond reserves were ever opened up, would be near worthless. It just doesn't seem to make financial sense. As such, we have had numerous serious conversations about selling it, but I'm not sure either of us knows the best way to go about that to get maximum return. Plus we aren't overly eager because of the sentimental value. With that said, I am curious as to what percentage of appraisal value would be realistic to fetch.

We would not be looking to upgrade because her ring is a good one. However, I certainly can understand the thought process if someone simply got what they could. I happened to have received a large gift and used the funds to buy a ring that would have been impossible for me to afford otherwise. It was just very fortunate timing.

Similarly to cherry, I was dirt poor when we originally got married and so my wife has a pretty, but not substantial ring.

We've discussed 'upgrading' the stone in her ring several times, but to get a stone that would be worth 'upgrading' to would be $10k+. When presented with that option she felt like there were better uses for that money. Thank god.

DoctorDeals said:   Very interesting. I've been contemplating a similar (but opposite) thread for a while now.

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and are very happy. But both of us are growing increasingly weary of paying $100+ a year just to insure a ring that, if the diamond reserves were ever opened up, would be near worthless. It just doesn't seem to make financial sense. As such, we have had numerous serious conversations about selling it, but I'm not sure either of us knows the best way to go about that to get maximum return. Plus we aren't overly eager because of the sentimental value. With that said, I am curious as to what percentage of appraisal value would be realistic to fetch.

We would not be looking to upgrade because her ring is a good one. However, I certainly can understand the thought process if someone simply got what they could. I happened to have received a large gift and used the funds to buy a ring that would have been impossible for me to afford otherwise. It was just very fortunate timing.


Sounds like a perfect thing to 'keep in the family' and give to your child/grandchild.

I personally wouldn't put out thousands of dollars for an overpriced diamond. I would prefer a real 14K gold ring with a man made diamond(s). No one can tell the difference and I can have a much larger stone(s) for a much lower price. There's also the advantage that if the stone(s) ever fell out and was lost, that I wouldn't be frantic and feel like I lost 3K+

djtitati said:   In the sea of "dump the car, get a crown vic" people, I'd like to entertain a discussion which I'm sure will prove to be equal parts insightful and entertaining.

For those who are married, have you ever upgraded your significant other's wedding band hardware? If so, why? If not, why not?

Contrary to so many of the recent posts, I'm not looking to rationalize anything or combat everyone's advice. I'm just curious to see how us FWFers weigh in on something like this!


I have not upgraded. I have no plans to do so. However, if we could easily afford it and my wife wants it, I would gladly do so.

In short, anything that my wife wants that we can easily afford, she can have.

I didn't "upgrade" per se, but husband did buy me a ring from here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/mcfarlanddesigns Same sort of thing as other posters mention-wanted something other than the original pawn shop ring, but didn't want to spend a fortune. There really are interesting solutions out there if you look around, and if your wifey is willing to consider non-diamond solutions. I'm happy has pie having a fairly inexpensive, custom made just how I wanted it, ethical, American small business-made ring.

People choose what best represents their values. I shopped around, got a good deal, and paid 3K for a 0.25 carat diamond for my wife 7 years ago. The stone is definitely not big and flashy, but is of nearly the highest quality. When jewelers look at the stone when it needs reset they always comment at the quality. No one else knows her diamond is about perfect. We make about 5X what we did then, but will likely never upgrade.

Was married 6 months after graduation so his/her rings are nice but not fancy. Could have afforded a larger one at the time but wtb said she preferred money spent on us. 30 years later she says any other ring would not be the one placed on her finger on wedding day and thus would not be her wedding ring and does not even understand the concept of upgrading. I tend to agree.

What made the thought enter my own mind was that ShaneCo has a pretty respectable trade-in policy. They'll give you the full credit of what you paid for your initial stone towards another one. So, as far as trade-ins go, you don't have to clinch your cheeks when you walk to the register. But I find myself saying, "that could be a dining room table, or a bathroom, or a year's car payments" etc. I suppose a lot of the value of the decision weighs on the perceived benefit a larger ring would give the wife (increased security feel-goodness, oogling friends, that "we finally made it" feeling).

djtitati said:   "that could be... a year's car payments"
FWF members make payments on cars?

Only been married a year and a half. But no plans on my side to upgrade the stone, it's a pretty decent one and the wife and I had a lot of fun shopping for it together. The engagement ring itself, however, is pretty darn cheap. While there's some sentimental attachment,it may literally wear out after a few years, and I can see an upgraded mount as being reasonable. (my wife already has a separate wedding band). Also, my own ring is a pretty cheap titanium one. If for some reason it gets lost or my finger gets too fat, I have no particular problem replacing it.

imbatman said:   no. used grandmothers rings from both sides (3 rings total). Sentimental value > the size of a diamond.

this - i have both my and my husbands grandmothers rings as my engagement/wedding set and my husbands band is my great-great-grandfathers band. total spent on rings <$100 for sizing and minor repair.

RedCelicaGT said:   djtitati said:   "that could be... a year's car payments"
FWF members make payments on cars?


Dividend payout > interest rate on car note.

The amount you "need" to upgrade the ring is in direct correlation to the preventative maintenance and upgrading of the finger in relation to the downgraded condition of the buyer either physically(you let yourself go) or behaviorally(Bunny Ranch receipt found by ring wearer). The worse you have gotten and the better she has been maintained(or upgraded), the more you need to upgrade the ring.

wife's engagement ring costed almost $4K... much more than what we originally set out to spend but we agreed no upgrades. I ended up with a $40 titanium band.

lantenon said:   RedCelicaGT said:   djtitati said:   "that could be... a year's car payments"
FWF members make payments on cars?


Dividend payout > interest rate on car note.

and the costs associated with taxes and risk associated with owning the security?

DoctorDeals said:   Very interesting. I've been contemplating a similar (but opposite) thread for a while now.

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and are very happy. But both of us are growing increasingly weary of paying $100+ a year just to insure a ring that, if the diamond reserves were ever opened up, would be near worthless. It just doesn't seem to make financial sense. As such, we have had numerous serious conversations about selling it, but I'm not sure either of us knows the best way to go about that to get maximum return. Plus we aren't overly eager because of the sentimental value. With that said, I am curious as to what percentage of appraisal value would be realistic to fetch.

We would not be looking to upgrade because her ring is a good one. However, I certainly can understand the thought process if someone simply got what they could. I happened to have received a large gift and used the funds to buy a ring that would have been impossible for me to afford otherwise. It was just very fortunate timing.


Speaking of which, can someone recommend insurance for engagement/wedding rings? Thanks.

Don't sell the ring, by the way. You'll regret it. Not all decisions are black and red.

mungbai said:   Speaking of which, can someone recommend insurance for engagement/wedding rings? Thanks.

Jeweler's Mutual is who I have been using for years. I had them strongly recommended by numerous insurance agents who could have simply selfishly added riders to the policies they sold me. However, the coverage is supposed to be significantly better than a traditional rider (especially for "mysterious disappearance"), and they very strongly encouraged me to go that route.

Looks like this is a very interesting topic. Thought I would weigh in on my situation. We married young (like another person) and it was actually right before I was deployed with the military. I couldn't afford much and did the best I could with what I had. Fast forward several years (and a very good happy marriage) and I was making significantly more money so I decided to do a combo thing. I took her ring and said I was getting it cleaned and upgraded the rock (went up to I think 2ct) and took the original and put it in a pendant. I gave them to her as an anniversary gift.

I look at it like this, I love my wife and she is a wonderful woman that has been by my side through a lot. If I can (without suffering) giver her something that I know she will keep and eventually pass on to our only daughter then I will do so. The comparison to a car is pretty rough, and I agree that a 40 year old car may not be worth the new engine. But, what if that 40 year old car actually means something to you and is a classic? Wouldn't you want to give it some TLC??

I would never want my wife to upgrade her rings. To me, the history and meaning behind the rings should be more important than it representing our wealth. Even if I were to seriously strike it rich during my lifetime, I would hope my wife would still want to wear the 1ct ring she has instead of something more flashy. If nothing else, it would be a reminder of how far we've come together. To me, that couldn't be replaced by something bigger/better.

That being said, I can see perhaps giving her anniversary gifts that would "enhance" the rings such as wrap rings to add some add'l bling, etc.

ubermichaelthomas said:   LAwoodtiger said:   The question I have is, "what is the goal of the ring?"

We both wear a plain band that doesn't have anything on it. It serves as a social vehicle that indicates our basic marital status and eliminates the anyone's need to ask. To have to 'demonstrate to others' sounds like there is an issue with insecurity, and an elaborate ring won't fix/validate the emotional climate anyway.


A better question is "what is the goal of marriage?" It serves as a social vehicle that indicates your basic relationship status and eliminates anyone's need to ask if you're single. To have to 'demonstrate to others' what your relationship means sounds like there is an issue with insecurity and the elaborate legal contract of marriage won't fix/validate the emotional climate anyway.


Not sure why you are getting the red's, but I think you're asking a fair question. For me, there were at least two non-emotional reasons (love? No different than consuming large quantities of chocolate) to get married:

1. legal convenience - e.g. everything I own goes to my better half should something happen to me... and vice versa.
2. tax reasons - self explanatory.

djtitati said:   ...But I find myself saying, "that could be a dining room table, or a bathroom, or a year's car payments" etc...a larger ring would give the wife (increased security feel-goodness, oogling friends, that "we finally made it" feeling).If you are thinking "dining room table, bathroom, year's car payments," then you haven't "finally made it."

If you went from minimum wage to comfortably weathly during your marriage, then why not replace that old tin band with a nice piece of custom jewelry? Nothing wrong with that. But if you have to sacrifice other things and need a trade-in on the old diamond, then you can't afford the indulgence. Move on.

yeah, in my situation, i know it's not a rational purchase ... which is why I didn't want to focus on it too much. but i think the questions is a good one for the community to look at. sometimes, guys on this site are quite blunt with how they talk about the utility of their wife, and I was interested to see how far that carried over into something like this

we've been married for almost 4 years. i paid a total of $1500 for all 3 rings.. her .55 carat VVS G diamond in a simple mount, her band and mine, all in white gold. also paid a jeweler a few $ to bond the engagement and wedding band together.

we have simple taste in that area and less is more to us anyway. we didn't want to spend more (could have spent 2x that) but didn't feel the need to be flashy or have a target on her finger. i doubt we'll upgrade anytime in the next decade unless we somehow score a big sustainable pay increase and don't have anything better to do with the $$. though if that is the case, i'm sure she and i would prefer additional jewelry or something different altogether. i agree with the guys above who said that the ring as it was on the wedding day is 'the ring' and any adjustment or addition would diminish the sentimental value.

We did not "upgrade" my wife's wedding ring when our financies improved. She felt that any upgraded ring would not be her real wedding ring. Instead, we bought some nice diamond earrings.

RedCelicaGT said:   lantenon said:   RedCelicaGT said:   djtitati said:   "that could be... a year's car payments"
FWF members make payments on cars?


Dividend payout > interest rate on car note.

and the costs associated with taxes and risk associated with owning the security?


Penfed 1.49% loans can easily be made relatively risk free

Skipping 54 Messages...
geo123 said:   nothingevertodo said:   geo123 said:   umcsom said:   I would like to publicly thank GEO123 for his help when I bought my diamond for my wife over 5 years ago.You're quite welcome. I cannot believe it has already been 5 years!

Geo- What did you do to help?
Diamong/engagement ring considerations.


I used that thread as well to get a rock from Good Old Gold for a really good price 4 years ago. Thanks, Geo!!



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