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First, it is nice when the OP updates.

Second, Tonights Raising Hope was surprisingly relevant to this post. Parents ruined their sons credit.

This
mrockosaurus said:   but the money was spent on breast implants

Plus

mrockosaurus said:   The only way to teach her is to spank her

OP, there are 2 separate things here : making sure the mother pays for her crimes, and cleaning up the messed up credit of your wife. They are NOT the same thing. It is possible that the more you do as investigator, that you'll mess something up and get stuck with some of the debt. Please focus first on cleaning up the credit mess that your wife is in, by following the suggested procedures. Then you can do what you like with the MIL.

Out of curiosity, what prevents MIL from continuing this scheme of using her son and daughter's SSNs to apply for more credit lines in the future? Aside from freezing her credit for an extended period of time.

As far as not throwing mom under the bus, this is obviously OP's wife's decision but considering mom threw her (and her brother) under the bus already, it wouldn't sound particularly unfair to me to return the favor. Bad credit is more than a minor hindrance. It'll prevent you from getting some jobs or getting a place to rent, it'll disadvantage you for years in borrowing costs, insurance rates, etc. If you love your kids so much as to put yourself first and use them as an expendable ATM, I'm not sure what kind of relationship there is to salvage anyway. If a police report mentioning the suspected fraudster is what it takes to repair OP's wife credit faster, so be it. MIL made her bed.

mrockosaurus said:   Confronted the mil with evidence, forged signatures and other documents proving my wife's non involvement, and she was stunned. She thought she was going to be free and clear of these issues. The problem was she didn't show a single bit of remorse. She admitted she did what she is accused of but offered nothing but excuses for why she did it. She tried to hide it from her new husband but I made sure he knew what was going on. To no surprise he defended her saying she would never do this. On top of that he challenged us to see if any police officer would ever touch this case. I didn't show him the proof we have on her but he'll find out the hard way. My wife is on board with pressing charges. On top of that she wants to sue her for the money that was stolen from her. We have disputed everything. We have no problem helping the police in whatever they need to know. Now I even have text messages admitting to us she took out the loans, signed for them and refused to pay them as she did it for her daughter. She can't seem to grasp that signing someone else's name is illegal. The evidence is there but we're treating her more along the lines of a bad child. The only way to teach her is to spank her to let her know she was wrong but my wife will always love her. She just going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions. We will see how the relationship plays out but I think she will not want to see us when it's all said and done not the other way around. As a person who is not blood I would have no problem never seeing this woman again but it's not my call.
Op I appreciate the update

That being said , this is your wife's mother. You teo sound very young. Ten, twenty thirty years from now, you may be out of the picture (50% chance ) but this lady will still be your ex wife's mother . Even if you stay together, this will be the grandmother of your children.

You're not going to get a penny from this lady. You know to stay away from her financially. But rethink your destruction of whatever familial ties your wife still has. It will backfire on you

Suckisstaples thanks for the advice. Like I said when its all said and done it won't be us who doesn't want to have a relationship with the other. That being said we are doing what we feel is right. I say we because my wife and I make decisions as a married couple not as individuals. I agree that it is not my place to do anything to this woman. That is why I haven't done anything except support my wife. What was done here was criminal and criminals should be punished. So your view that it is her mother so all is forgiven is a pretty outrageous and moronic one. If you want people like this in your life that's your deal but there is no room for people of such poor character in ours, unless she is willing to admit her wrong doing and work at rebuilding an already broken relationship with her daughter. Bottom line is you can't forgive someone who believes she is justified in her actions and shows zero remorse.

Yes....
A good spanking is in order.

mrockosaurus said:   So your view that it is her mother so all is forgiven is a pretty outrageous and moronic one.That's not at all what SIS said.

The most productive use of your time and energy would be to focus on rebuilding your wife's credit and discharging the fraudulent debts. Trying to exact some revenge on your mother-in-law would cause more stress on you, your wife and your marriage than it would be worth. As hard is it may seem, I would be moving on.

We are rebuilding her credit and discharging her fraudulent debts by doing what our lawyer has instructed us to do. Where did I ever say we are getting revenge? Pressing charges on a criminal is not seeking revenge, it is seeking justice. My marriage is not in question. As for the two of you "moving on" how do you go about doing that? Pretend like nothing happened? If all my wife's debt gets erased and my mil asks for forgiveness I would be on board, but it looks like the cubs have a better shot at the series.

mrockosaurus said:   As for the two of you "moving on" how do you go about doing that?She's rationalized it and shows no remorse, her husband is defending her, your wife "will always love her," and you still think you are going to teach her a lesson? Let the law enforcement folks and creditors do their thing, but I'd stop with the confrontation and text messages. You don't have to pretend that it never happened - cut off communication, move away, ignore them, whatever.

ragedogg69 said:   First, it is nice when the OP updates.

Second, Tonights Raising Hope was surprisingly relevant to this post. Parents ruined their sons credit.
The episode did have a lot of misconceptions about credit though (such as no statute of limitations)... seemed almost designed to scare people into not knowing their credit-related rights (I may be reading too much into it, I tend to do that)

Haha that's what we are doing. SIS says that I will be the ex husband and she will still be her mother. That was the moronic comment. Mainly because we are of moral and Christian values and do not believe in divorce, but also because we have a daughter that is linking us together. The teaching her a lesson was us taking our lawyers and much of the people on this boards advice and pressing charges. Confronting her before we did that was merely to see if she would help her daughter without involving any investigation at all. She chose this path for herself.

mrockosaurus said:   Haha that's what we are doing. SIS says that I will be the ex husband and she will still be her mother. That was the moronic comment. Mainly because we are of moral and Christian values and do not believe in divorce, but also because we have a daughter that is linking us together. The teaching her a lesson was us taking our lawyers and much of the people on this boards advice and pressing charges. Confronting her before we did that was merely to see if she would help her daughter without involving any investigation at all. She chose this path for herself.

WHile I do enjoy this thread, those reasons for not getting a divorce do not preclude the possibility of getting a divorce.
Plenty of moral, Christians don't believe in divorce, have kids that link them together, and get divorced.

I do agree that people choose their own paths, and when things go wrong, they tend to not understand the consequences of their choices.

You are correct and while I said I don't believe in divorce I am not a fortune teller. I am betting against the odds. SIS statement was that I would be out of her life (ex husband) and her mother won't. We have a child together therefore I will never be out of her life. There is no reason to argue this. It was not why the thread was posted.

mrockosaurus said:   Haha that's what we are doing. SIS says that I will be the ex husband and she will still be her mother. That was the moronic comment.
He's just stating that no matter where this goes (even in the extreme of getting divorced), you'll still be connected to this lady. And you don't want to do something vindictive now, that you'll end up regretting in 10 or 20 years.

Oh thanks is that what he meant? What might I be doing that is vindictive?

mrockosaurus said:   Now I even have text messages admitting to us she took out the loans, signed for them and refused to pay them as she did it for her daughter.
mrockosaurus said:   but the money was spent on breast implants

Which is it? How much of the money really did go to your wife, even if she thought she was spending mom's money at the time?

ragedogg69 said:   First, it is nice when the OP updates.

Second, Tonights Raising Hope was surprisingly relevant to this post. Parents ruined their sons credit.


ACK! Spoiler alert!!!

Thanks for answering my question for me. When did my wife think she was spending mom's money? When she got a soccer scholarship and her mom said she would take care of the rest? The money was taken out of a trust in my wifes name and spent without my wife's knowledge. Then there was no money for college, mil says, so loans were taken out. Keep defending the criminal here though. It's speaking very highly of your character.

mrockosaurus said:   Oh thanks is that what he meant? What might I be doing that is vindictive?christ - can't you just accept a casual warning to not do something you'll end up regretting later? The more you attack that idea, the more clear its becoming that this is going to eventually blow up in your face.

Taking the lords name in vain...classy. My question is what am I doing that I might regret later or might blow up in my face? I'm not doing anything except supporting my wife in whatever decision she makes.

mrockosaurus said:   Thanks for answering my question for me. When did my wife think she was spending mom's money? When she got a soccer scholarship and her mom said she would take care of the rest? The money was taken out of a trust in my wifes name and spent without my wife's knowledge. Then there was no money for college, mil says, so loans were taken out. Keep defending the criminal here though. It's speaking very highly of your character.you do realize these will be the first questions asked of you once you've launched your attack against MIL. You'd better have better answers, and a much better disposition, than you are showing here.

mrockosaurus said:   My question is what am I doing that I might regret later or might blow up in my face?You're picking a fight. Confrontation, showing her the evidence, sending text messages meant to entrap her, etc. Why are you even giving this woman the time of day? The answer is because even though your wife hates what she has done, she is not going to shut her mother out of her life or refuse to let her see her grandchild. You will be the bad guy that tried to send grandma to prison.

Well this escalated quickly

Haha y'all don't get it, but somehow y'all have it figured out. If y'all already know the answers why are you posting? I'm not launching an attack. I don't need any answers or a disposition because I'm not doing anything. I don't give this woman the time of day. She sent those texts to me trying to justify what she did. I can't help it if she admitted her guilt in the process. My wife confronted her with me there supporting her. All I've done is update the people who gave me information on what has occurred through this process. My wife is doing what she wants to her mother and she is shutting her mother out of her life and she doesn't want her to see her grandchild. I'm just not arguing with her over those decisions. Mainly because I completely support them. Somehow y'all think you can speak on my wife's behalf. My wife doing what she is doing is not the issue, but if you have a legitimate argument as to why the mom is justified I like to hear it.

mrockosaurus said:   Haha y'all don't get it, but somehow y'all have it figured out. If y'all already know the answers why are you posting? I'm not launching an attack. I don't need any answers or a disposition because I'm not doing anything. I don't give this woman the time of day. She sent those texts to me trying to justify what she did. I can't help it if she admitted her guilt in the process. My wife confronted her with me there supporting her. All I've done is update the people who gave me information on what has occurred through this process. My wife is doing what she wants to her mother and she is shutting her mother out of her life and she doesn't want her to see her grandchild. I'm just not arguing with her over those decisions. Mainly because I completely support them. Somehow y'all think you can speak on my wife's behalf. My wife doing what she is doing is not the issue, but if you have a legitimate argument as to why the mom is justified I like to hear it.

you have texts from MIL. you are doing something.

That doesn't make any sense.

mrockosaurus said:   That doesn't make any sense.

edited. my bad

So is there advice coming from either of you three on what my wife should do to remove this issue from our lives all while getting no revenge? Not that I'm seeking any revenge, I'll leave that to Emily and the abc network.

mrockosaurus said:   So is there advice coming from either of you three on what my wife should do to remove this issue from our lives all while getting no revenge? Not that I'm seeking any revenge, I'll leave that to Emily and the abc network.

If it were me, I would freeze my credit so [someone] couldn't open any more accounts in my name.
I would keep contesting fraudulent accounts until they are all cleared up, which will take lots of work.
I would get the necessary police reports, and let the police and banks handle whatever fraud has taken place.

and I would do what I could to prevent anyone I suspected of committing identity theft from knowing personal information about me (including my mailing address) in hopes of preventing something like this from happening again.

mrockosaurus said:   Haha y'all don't get it, but somehow y'all have it figured out. If y'all already know the answers why are you posting? I'm not launching an attack. I don't need any answers or a disposition because I'm not doing anything. I don't give this woman the time of day. She sent those texts to me trying to justify what she did. I can't help it if she admitted her guilt in the process. My wife confronted her with me there supporting her. All I've done is update the people who gave me information on what has occurred through this process. My wife is doing what she wants to her mother and she is shutting her mother out of her life and she doesn't want her to see her grandchild. I'm just not arguing with her over those decisions. Mainly because I completely support them. Somehow y'all think you can speak on my wife's behalf. My wife doing what she is doing is not the issue, but if you have a legitimate argument as to why the mom is justified I like to hear it.then why are you the one talking to a lawyer, as you said in the OP (and you clearly say "I", not even "we")? Your wife's lawyer isn't going to give you the time of day, let alone discuss details with you or give you any advice. Don't pretend to be quietly providing support in the background, when you are actually helping lead the charge.

So you have a bunch of texts sent to you from a phone that is likely under an account in your wife's or BIL's name....

Quit playing Columbo and just file the papers to get your wife's credit fixed.

We've filed everything we needed to. We disputed it with the companies, agencies, and credit bureaus and nothing except the accounts opened before she turned 18 have been removed. In two years of doing that over and over. The debt collectors keep saying to much personal information was given for this not to have been the person in question therefore unless a police report is filed they will continue to go after my wife. Glitch, I'm glad you think that you know everything about me from the OP. "You think you know but you have no idea. This is mtvs true life."

mrockosaurus said:   When did my wife think she was spending mom's money? When she got a soccer scholarship and her mom said she would take care of the rest? The money was taken out of a trust in my wifes name and spent without my wife's knowledge. Then there was no money for college, mil says, so loans were taken out.What a minute...so some of the loan proceeds were used to pay for the wife's education? So where did your wife THINK the money was coming from when she said "she would take care of the rest?"

You are getting a little defensive, so I'm going to drop off, but as unfortunate as all this is, I'm guessing you are going to remain on the hook for some of this. The end of the story is going to be that this poor misguided woman just did the best she could to give her baby girl a good education.

You are astounding me with your stupidity. You must be related to my mil somehow. Y'all clearly have the same logic.

Wow, this went off the rails pretty quick.

Technically nothing paid for my wife's education. That's why we're posting here. As for the money my wife's dad left her it disappeared and her mother suddenly had a few things she could brag about. But anyway thanks for the help from everyone. We can handle it from here. My wife has now filed a police report and pressed charges all by herself. Isn't she a big girl? Her mother has already removed her from Facebook and as everyone knows its not a real relationship if its not Facebook official so I think we'll be rid of her for the time being. As for the accounts they are frozen until the police complete their investigation. Now I can go back to my job of elementary school janitor without the worry of unclogging a few more toilets to help pay the bills. God bless you all. Even the dumb ones.

this was a good thread...then op turned.

now, i'm kinda rooting for the MIL.

Dude,

You REALLY hate your MIL. You should be in the passenger seat and stop trying to drive this bus.

Credit companies let these amounts of debt slide, write it off as a loss against profit, and decide to not prosecute everyday

Stay in your land and clear your wife's credit and move on. Your MIL is a piece of work, but you Ned to extract yourself from this mess.

You also show a naiveté re women- they can fall out like this each month and get back together next week. Men have a fall our and its goodbye for life.

I don't hate anyone.



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