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1st Don't lie cheat, hide or sneak money. Thats just going to end bad. Instead think of something on a much smaller scale. You have 3 kids you can't afford to just blow money. I have no idea what you like but for example buy a n older car, fix it up. Get a pool table for your man cave. Something your wife can feel more comfortable with. How much do you have in your rainy day fund? Before you waste money make sure your protected i case of a loss of job.

Bizatch said:   I must have a genetic defect.. So many suggestions on here are Car+Horse Power related.. I haven't had an interest in any of that stuff my entire life.
Lots of guys aren't car guys
But I bet you have an interest/ hobby whether its computers, watches, airplanes , coins/ stamps etc

bfrik said:   Buy a crown vic, and spring for a racing stripe on it.

Do it the FW way and save money by making the stripe out of duct tape.

If you make the $$$ then to quote parks and rec "Treat yo self." But make sure to do it in a semi responsible way so you wont have to pay child support or alimony.


Man this Thread makes me want to save up for the big Three O.

I am also turning 40 this year. I'm trying to make my midlife crisis include my extended family, and be an appreciating asset rather than a depreciating one. So I am looking at a second home that serves as a family getaway for the next couple of decades. Good hedge against runaway inflation, too.

psychtobe said:   I am also turning 40 this year. I'm trying to make my midlife crisis include my extended family, and be an appreciating asset rather than a depreciating one. So I am looking at a second home that serves as a family getaway for the next couple of decades. Good hedge against runaway inflation, too.

Nice Idea! Like a vacation property.

HMMM... OP personally (I don't have kids) after working with a lot of college age people who had their parents help them out and State / govt. I've came to the conclusion that a majority of young folks 18-24ish do not know anything about finances. I’ve seen people buy Concert tickets, alcohol with their financial aid and it sickens me. If I were you I’d just save up $10,000 for each kid and tell them that they have no money for college. Hopefully they get their act together and get a scholarship or something. Last thing you want to do is pay for your kids to go to a great school to get a Communications degree Or pay for a year of Expensive tuition and have them move back home because they couldn't adjust.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   Bizatch said:   I must have a genetic defect.. So many suggestions on here are Car+Horse Power related.. I haven't had an interest in any of that stuff my entire life.
Lots of guys aren't car guys
But I bet you have an interest/ hobby whether its computers, watches, airplanes , coins/ stamps etc


So true, its amazing what we "boys" spend on our "toys".

The funny thing is its a better financial decision to spend the $20K on a better more reliable car that will hold its value than get a $6k one and then spend thousand fixing maintaining it. But its a cashflow / perception issue. $300 a month on car parts gets lost in the wash...

One of my buddies is addicted to fishing. Its sick what he spends on that hobby. Boat, dock, other gear, rods tackle, etc... Sure you could spend $50 at WalMart on a rod a reel and a case of beer and walk down to the bank of the river and catch a fish. But the more he gets into it the more money he spends.

fatboy131 said:   bfrik said:   Buy a crown vic, and spring for a racing stripe on it.

Do it the FW way and save money by making the stripe out of duct tape.

If you make the $$$ then to quote parks and rec "Treat yo self." But make sure to do it in a semi responsible way so you wont have to pay child support or alimony.


Man this Thread makes me want to save up for the big Three O.


Please do! How does the saying go? I spent all my money on sex, drugs and rock and roll, the rest I squandered...

The other saying (not really a saying but more a story) that seems appropriate is:
An old man is celebrating a birthday and his wife of many years decides to get him the best present ever. she hires a smoking hot young escort for her husband, figuring he's been faithful to her all these years and deserves a night of fun.
The young woman arrives and gets all ready.
She says to the man in a russian accent "Tonight I make you the Super Sex"
The old man looks her over and thinks for a moment and says "I'll take the soup"

psychtobe said:   I am also turning 40 this year. I'm trying to make my midlife crisis include my extended family, and be an appreciating asset rather than a depreciating one. So I am looking at a second home that serves as a family getaway for the next couple of decades. Good hedge against runaway inflation, too.

My aunt and uncle have 2nd and 3rd homes that they bought 20+ years ago and seem to get a lot of enjoyment out of having them. Heck I get a lot of enjoyment out of them too. One is in the mountains, one on the ocean.

We tend to rent vacation properties. We rented a nice house on the ocean one year. You might try that before you buy. After renting we realized the shore is nice to visit occasionally but it wasn't for us longer term. VRBO is so easy for getting week long rentals in really nice houses that owning almost seems unnecessary. Every time we visit my parents we rent the same sweet house nearby. $2000 a week. But we only stay for a week at a time. My sister and I occasionally pitch in together to rent a big house for both of us to visit together with our families. Its nice to explore different places.

I like the idea though. If you can swing it financially I say go for it. I love the idea of a family retreat.

kinggofg said:   I am turning 40 in a few months (yikes!). I know its a cliché, but I feel this strong need to spend some $$$ on something stupid, probably a fast car. Its hard to explain, but its just a reality of life I guess.

Here is the problem. I havn't budgeted / saved for this. I've been married for more than 8 years and my finances are pretty much completely transparent to my wife. I wish I had the kind of relationship where I could say, "Honey I need, NEED to spend $80k on a german sportscar", but I do not. We have 3 kids and wife is hell bent on saving money for college for the little ones.

I have 6 months. Taking on debt is not really an option. I feel like I can probably squirrel away $1000 a month, but I'm not sure that will be enought to fulfil my need.

I am open to suggestions. Advice how you may have justfified this expense to your significant other. Ways to get something fun for only $6000 or less. Ways to "hide" expenses like this. Also would be interested in hearing what others have done for their crisis.
it sounds like you just want to waste money for the heck of it just bc it makes you feel good at the moment. There has to be something that you've dreamed of owning all these years? A lot of people say cars are a terrible idea for an investment....it depreciates blah blah blah. But you would be surprised if you buy the right niche car you won't have a problem breaking even in the future once this all gets out of your system. But people are different....

I am not close to 40 yet as I am 31 years old. When it comes to money i am super tight with it. I shop for clothes twice a year when Dillard's has their big clearance sales. I am just a person that does not like a bunch of stuff so i don't shop very often. Old items I sell or donate and only keep what I use. The one thing that I do love are cars though. My wife, family, and friends don't understand it....but there are things I don't understand about them (constant shopping, thrift stores every weekend etc). Their hobbies may cost more than my hobby...but they see it differently bc of the smaller numbers. But smaller numbers add up. I swap cars about every 6 months and sometimes sooner. Depending on the deals I usually buy with GM top off points and usaa rebates etc that make them really good deals. I might not drive them long but i either break even or actually make a little money trading up to something else. This is literally the only thing i really spend my money on.

So I definitely understand where you are coming from....but if you don't have anything that you've wanted all these years....seems kinda pointless to just go blow a bunch of money bc you are sad you are getting older LOL. You can still spend a good chunk of money and do it wisely so if you do change your mind in the future you won't be stuck in a bad position where you are losing all kinds of money.

Yet an other of endless auto-related threads in Finance. Time to start a Wheels forum.

Hmm, I've learned a new slang word today (ending in -riding).

Man, if the headlights on my wife's fiero would have stayed up, I would have a great base car to start building my own "faux-rarri".

Instead, my mid-life was a harley (I got it early, and it is now 14 years old). Just make sure to get really good MED and LIFE insurance. I only used one policy, but the medical bills were nearly 10K, and 6K in repair costs to the bike. Had the idiot that ran us off the road actually hit me, then the wife's midlife crisis would have been paid for by the pay off from my life insurance AND the mega-lawsuit against aforementioned idiot.

Back on-topic... what is the topic? Oh, don't hide money, don't spend money on foolishness. My choice made sense (fuel mileage for a long commute). Unless you can Justify it (like I just did)...LOL!

OP, my husband also had a burning need for a sports car. Same situation: three kids and me wanting to put every extra penny away for their college or other practical concerns (braces, sports, etc.). After months of his unhappiness, I finally gave in and let him buy his dream car. Yes, it put us in debt. Probably it was reasonable considering his salary, but I HATED paying for it each month and couldn't look at it without feeling ill. Fast forward to car being paid off and SURPRISE there's another (crazy expensive) car he wants.

I think you will find that although the car won't break you, there will always be something else you "need.". A different outlet would be better. I wish my husband could figure out a different way to express himself. On the other hand I suppose there are a lot worse things he could do instead...

cue the movie "American Beauty"

zabesudok said:   OP, my husband also had a burning need for a sports car. Same situation: three kids and me wanting to put every extra penny away for their college or other practical concerns (braces, sports, etc.). After months of his unhappiness, I finally gave in and let him buy his dream car. Yes, it put us in debt. Probably it was reasonable considering his salary, but I HATED paying for it each month and couldn't look at it without feeling ill. Fast forward to car being paid off and SURPRISE there's another (crazy expensive) car he wants.

I think you will find that although the car won't break you, there will always be something else you "need.". A different outlet would be better. I wish my husband could figure out a different way to express himself. On the other hand I suppose there are a lot worse things he could do instead...


...is OP your husband, and has already had one of these crises? Quickly! Everyone, search OPs previous threads! There's no time!

I think op needs to invest a little time reading the fine writings on mgtowforums

ryanstruve said:   I think op needs to invest a little time reading the fine writings on mgtowforums

boo. I thought mgtowforums was going to be about a site about MG cars and how they always need to be towed but a still fun. Not about porn stars and divorce.

Build the car.

Buy tools and tell the wife the parts and tools are repair expenses. Get a repair manual.

Make sure there is a huge internet forum for the car you want and see if they answer questions about helping out.

More fulfilling to build it instead of buy it.

Then not only will you just look cool, you will actually be cool.

Your kids can help build it, and that will make it sentimental to the family to get buy-in from the wife and get support.

Your friends would probably enjoy being young again and hanging out in the garage drinking beer and learning how to work on cars.

kinggofg said:   I am turning 40 in a few months (yikes!). I know its a cliché, but I feel this strong need to spend some $$$ on something stupid, probably a fast car. Its hard to explain, but its just a reality of life I guess.
...


A strong need to do something stupid usually means that the stupid thing is not going to be as satisfying as you hope.

Your soul seems to be crying out for what you might have had or wanted but you feel is slipping away. So you want to find a little piece of this. Fair enough.

As you meet that part of the need in whatever fashion works for you, be sure to also remind your soul of what you do have and would not have if life were different. If you don't do this part, too, I'm guessing you won't be satisfied and will soon be in search of another something.

So here's an idea: spend time and money taking little trips with your kids individually. Three is too many to take at once. Do it individually so that the kid management doesn't overwhelm the fun. You have six months. Space the trips far enough apart to give yourself time to recover and look forward to the next one. One-on-one time with kids can be exhausting.

Depending on their ages, it could be a day-trip to where a new skyscraper is being built to watch cranes. Or a night or two away camping or fishing or some other hobby you have that they could share.

Again this is in addition to anything else you do. I don't mean to say, "Shut up and be a dad to your kids." I mean to say, "Don't forget to also build yourself some space to enjoy being a dad to your kids."

First, I think you might want to read what you wrote. If that doesn't bother you at least a little bit imagine you were reading something your wife posted. You might want to go into negotiations with your wife with a little bit of perspective. You probably should not ask for more discretionary budget than you would think was reasonable (if indulgent) of her, nor try to acquire it in a way that would make you angry (like hiding it). I wouldn't suggest you convince yourself you would be ok if she asked for something really expensive- actually try to imagine what you would do if she approached you with a request for an 80k item you wouldn't enjoy nearly as much as her.

I'd second the trip/experience camp. There's actually a fair amount of research that shows that new stuff (bigger house, new car) doesn't actually impact baseline happiness for more than the short term, but experiences tend to appreciate over time as we forget the problems and idealize the good parts. You might have an easier time convincing her if you wanted a lavish trip for both of you (and it might do your relationship some good- more studies point to that), but if that doesn't scratch your itch a guy's trip is still a lot more reasonable than an expensive car that will turn into a money pit (maintenance, insurance, etc).

Op,

Are you mechanically inclined? Do you have a attached garage? If yes to both maybe you can find an old car at and fix it up. That way you get a have a classic/cool car and pay for it slowly. Plus when you're down you might be able to sell at a profit. Always wanted to do that to '67 Chevy Impala, but I live in a condo and don't have the space.

fatboy131 said:   psychtobe said:   I am also turning 40 this year. I'm trying to make my midlife crisis include my extended family, and be an appreciating asset rather than a depreciating one. So I am looking at a second home that serves as a family getaway for the next couple of decades. Good hedge against runaway inflation, too.

Nice Idea! Like a vacation property.

HMMM... OP personally (I don't have kids) after working with a lot of college age people who had their parents help them out and State / govt. I've came to the conclusion that a majority of young folks 18-24ish do not know anything about finances. I’ve seen people buy Concert tickets, alcohol with their financial aid and it sickens me. If I were you I’d just save up $10,000 for each kid and tell them that they have no money for college. Hopefully they get their act together and get a scholarship or something. Last thing you want to do is pay for your kids to go to a great school to get a Communications degree Or pay for a year of Expensive tuition and have them move back home because they couldn't adjust.


How many people of ANY age know anything about finances?

Anyone who thinks a car is something that'd make them happy REALLY needs to find a real hobby...

As parents, it's our job to educate and teach kids and help them make well thought-out choices in life. If someone gets into their 20's without proper financial knowledge, then that's an area where the parents have failed. Whether we leave $1k or $1M to a kid to help them get started is a tangential issue at best.

darthmaul9d9 said:   Anyone who thinks a car is something that'd make them happy REALLY needs to find a real hobby...

Oh great oracle of hobbies, please tell me why my desire for all things automotive is less worthy of a hobby than, say, stamp collecting, kiting, or traveling.

The thread further supports my theory that children while rewarding in their own way are often a financial burden that crush the dreams of their parents.

I agree with the ppl that say to get an old car and fix it up. You can use it as a bonding mechanism for your children and / or financial tool to teach them about budgeting.

FSBox said:   darthmaul9d9 said:   Anyone who thinks a car is something that'd make them happy REALLY needs to find a real hobby...

Oh great oracle of hobbies, please tell me why my desire for all things automotive is less worthy of a hobby than, say, stamp collecting, kiting, or traveling.

Greened.


fatboy131 said:   The thread further supports my theory that children while rewarding in their own way are often a financial burden that crush the dreams of their parents.

I agree with the ppl that say to get an old car and fix it up. You can use it as a bonding mechanism for your children and / or financial tool to teach them about budgeting.


I thought this was a burner account, for your thread regarding your financial situation? Now you're posting on here, in other threads, with alt IDs? Shame on you.

jaytrader said:   
I thought this was a burner account, for your thread regarding your financial situation? Now you're posting on here, in other threads, with alt IDs? Shame on you.


Sorry session is still saved for this profile. I'll switch it.

kinggofg said:   hebron1427 said:   jkimcpa said:   I started a betterment account for this exact reason a few years back. Expect a thread from me in a decade..."my mid-life crisis account is at $1XX,000 what should I blow my money on?"

i have a vegas fund. it's kind of like a mid-life crisis account.


I have no time machine so its too late for me. Do you really think you can keep such an account secret? Can you really not touch all that money for 10 years? Seriously though I wish someone had told me at 30 that I needed some savings for 40.
I don't technically keep it a "secret" per se but my wife wants no involvement in family finances so I have that advantage. And yes of course we can not touch money we saved we are FWFer.

Treat yourself to a nice family trip, a deal on a TV say sub 1k or a HD projector around $500 to shoot on a big wall with a new surround sound system, a dart board foose table and or bar. Do something nice to appreciate the milestone in your life with modesty.

kinggofg said:   
Maybe a project is a good idea. But I have a tendancy to start projects and not finish them. If I have a car on blocks in the front yard I will have angry neighbors to deal with in addition to an angry wife.

Question, can an M3 really be worked on my a novice mechanic? Any advice on what to look for? Should I get a beater that needs work? Maybe travel out to california (to avoid rust) and drive it home to Chicago?


First, better to drive to Texas, typically. Or find a non-snow car. I'd buy in MI.. I've bought in Ohio - RWD cars that people simply didn't drive in the winter. Lower miles too! Non-winter use only.

If you're not already a novice mechanic an M3 is a bad place to start.
My advice is the opposite - if you're going to buy an M3 and keep it for any length of time, spend more on it than average and find one with complete records that's in immaculate condition.
Buying a "fixer" will cost you more in money and time long term. And if you're not a mechanic, an M3 is not the car to learn on. It's not horrible to work on, but it's expensive in terms of parts and "learning".

zabesudok said:   OP, my husband also had a burning need for a sports car. Same situation: three kids and me wanting to put every extra penny away for their college or other practical concerns (braces, sports, etc.). After months of his unhappiness, I finally gave in and let him buy his dream car. Yes, it put us in debt. Probably it was reasonable considering his salary, but I HATED paying for it each month and couldn't look at it without feeling ill. Fast forward to car being paid off and SURPRISE there's another (crazy expensive) car he wants.


I'm close to 40. I've had high performance cars on and off most of my life. No exotics.
We've got one child and we're down to a TDI and the most boring car in the world - a Hybrid Civic.

Last year, I got the sports car itch. Found the right deal on a Z06 Corvette (used, 1 generation back), 18k miles. Right price.
I loved that car. 0-60 in 4 seconds, 1G lateral. Supercar class. Under $25k. I'd challenge anyone to find that performance for the price in an as-factory used car.
Note, $25k is the most I've ever spent on a car in my life (my wife has spend a lot more), but it's well within budget.

Fast forward a year.. Still love the car, but as I drive it infrequently (don't want to commute in it), I recognize it for the profit to my insurance company that it is sitting in the garage.
Sold it for a few thousand more than what I paid for it. All in with taxes, insurances, etc. I'm probably out about $500 after a year.

It's relatively trivial to do the same thing, especially if you're willing to accept a slight loss of under $3k. That's less than a lease will cost you. Just don't buy a new one.
Decide if you want the sports car performance or if you need the Porsche bling... because those are different issues.


I love Porsches and have toyed with buying a 911-ish version. I'm afraid I'd be disappointed in terms of bang for the buck after owning the Z06. I would consider an older 911 as cost neutral - not depreciating, but they do have some typical issues and all old cars need love ($$$).

kinggofg said:   I am turning 40 in a few months (yikes!). I know its a cliché, but I feel this strong need to spend some $$$ on something stupid, probably a fast car. Its hard to explain, but its just a reality of life I guess.

Here is the problem. I havn't budgeted / saved for this. I've been married for more than 8 years and my finances are pretty much completely transparent to my wife. I wish I had the kind of relationship where I could say, "Honey I need, NEED to spend $80k on a german sportscar", but I do not. We have 3 kids and wife is hell bent on saving money for college for the little ones.

I have 6 months. Taking on debt is not really an option. I feel like I can probably squirrel away $1000 a month, but I'm not sure that will be enought to fulfil my need.

I am open to suggestions. Advice how you may have justfified this expense to your significant other. Ways to get something fun for only $6000 or less. Ways to "hide" expenses like this. Also would be interested in hearing what others have done for their crisis.


Who told you to have three additional liabilities like that? Not a very financially sound decision. But, still, it's half your money... After necessary expenses and savings are met, then you should take some for your own personal use. I mean really, you really need to work on that backbone of yours...

For the life of me, I do not understand, why married men turn into cowards with their wives.. I mean, most were men before marriage.. After the vows they just lost their backbone?

dcg9381 said:   kinggofg said:   
Maybe a project is a good idea. But I have a tendancy to start projects and not finish them. If I have a car on blocks in the front yard I will have angry neighbors to deal with in addition to an angry wife.

Question, can an M3 really be worked on my a novice mechanic? Any advice on what to look for? Should I get a beater that needs work? Maybe travel out to california (to avoid rust) and drive it home to Chicago?


First, better to drive to Texas, typically. Or find a non-snow car. I'd buy in MI.. I've bought in Ohio - RWD cars that people simply didn't drive in the winter. Lower miles too! Non-winter use only.

If you're not already a novice mechanic an M3 is a bad place to start.
My advice is the opposite - if you're going to buy an M3 and keep it for any length of time, spend more on it than average and find one with complete records that's in immaculate condition.
Buying a "fixer" will cost you more in money and time long term. And if you're not a mechanic, an M3 is not the car to learn on. It's not horrible to work on, but it's expensive in terms of parts and "learning".


I agree that finding a southern/non ocean/non winter car is the best way to go--but that comes at a cost. Sometimes a significant cost. I recently bought a 97 Coupe that was mint with every record from 1997. It was a Texas car, one owner. Unfortunately, a bad thing happened and it is no more, as mentioned previously. I feel horrible about what happened and that I was driving and ruined a great car, but shit happens.

However, it's not all doom and gloom. My 95 M3 was an identical car, with more miles, and it ran and handled better than the 97. Even though I refreshed the entire suspension, bushings and did all maintenance (on the 97). It's really hit or miss. Oh, and I bought the 95 for $5600, owned it for two and a half years and put 13k miles on it, sold it for $6000. Nothing broke during that time, and all I did was replace tires, do oil changes, and keep up on regular maintenance that you would any other car. I didn't own the 97 long enough to experience that, but it was fine.

Greatness said:   kinggofg said:   I am turning 40 in a few months (yikes!). I know its a cliché, but I feel this strong need to spend some $$$ on something stupid, probably a fast car. Its hard to explain, but its just a reality of life I guess.

Here is the problem. I havn't budgeted / saved for this. I've been married for more than 8 years and my finances are pretty much completely transparent to my wife. I wish I had the kind of relationship where I could say, "Honey I need, NEED to spend $80k on a german sportscar", but I do not. We have 3 kids and wife is hell bent on saving money for college for the little ones.

I have 6 months. Taking on debt is not really an option. I feel like I can probably squirrel away $1000 a month, but I'm not sure that will be enought to fulfil my need.

I am open to suggestions. Advice how you may have justfified this expense to your significant other. Ways to get something fun for only $6000 or less. Ways to "hide" expenses like this. Also would be interested in hearing what others have done for their crisis.


Who told you to have three additional liabilities like that? Not a very financially sound decision. But, still, it's half your money... After necessary expenses and savings are met, then you should take some for your own personal use. I mean really, you really need to work on that backbone of yours...

For the life of me, I do not understand, why married men turn into cowards with their wives.. I mean, most were men before marriage.. After the vows they just lost their backbone?

I hope you are both unmarried and childless.

Squeezer99 said:    The OP will hate having to spend the upkeep on a sports car (tires do not last long, are $500+ each, you'll want to have the fluids replaced regularly, use good quality motor oil and filters, get pissed at any door ding, etc)

So get something half the price...that is Honda powered...and can NOT get door dings!!! Problem solved!

Atom

Maybe you'd have better luck if you asked her what comparable time she'd like when SHE hits 40.

Buy a timeshare....

glxpass said:   
I hope you are both unmarried and childless.


Guess I hit too close to the nerve with the backbone comment and you (and others) took it personally. Hey, it's not my fault your spine was left at the alter. There is nothing wrong in having a 50/50 equal relationship. It is possible. It just seems there are a good many of men who hand over their spine, amongst other assets of theirs, to their wife and they are basically a drone.. Can I have this dear. Can I do that dear. WTH. It's your money too. You are adults. You do not nor should not ask for permission to live a little. I mean, come on, after all necessities are paid off, retirement is funded, have savings and emergency set a side, you should be able to spend some of your (both of yours) money to make you happy.. Be a man.. Not a boy... Doubtful a wife wants their husband as another child.

Maybe this would help a bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GXPd0fnpKw

mikecl said:   even if you saved 80k hiding from your wife, wouldn't your wife ask like "how did you get this new cool car, honey?" or you are planning to hide the car as well That could actually work.

A few years ago a co-worker of mine sold his fancy Z06 (Corvette) because he and his wife lost a bit of money in the market and had to reassess their retirement strategy. After a few months of him driving an Accord, I noticed a high-end souped up Mustang spending an awful lot of time in our company garage.

Turned out he was hiding it there until his financial situation changed and/or he was ready to confess to his wife.



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