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Kashisti said:   jaytrader said:   I feel that a FWF collection is in order, here.

Please send donations to donateKashisti@gmail.com. I have setup a PayPal donations account. Please contribute anything extra that you can. The funds will go to OP's family on a future date. I have spoken to the OP and as prideful as he is, he reluctantly agreed to let me do this favor for him.

Background: my mother survived non-Hodgkin Lymphoma when she was a teenager and was told she could never have children. Today marks her 45th birthday and she has four healthy children and has had a great life thus far. Thankfully, she has remained in remission. However, as a child, I was always helping out with Camp Good Days events and fundraisers and I got very close with the "cancer community." I donate to St Jude's children's research hospital every year.

Needless to say, when something like this happens, it really hits home for me. I have seen my mother go through many tough times with her friends and family that have been affected by cancer.

Let's do this for OP's family and children.

-jaytrader

PS: If the FWF administration team has an issue with this, please contact me ASAP.


It seems awfully self-serving to give this post Green, so I'll just say thank you again - my wife and I have been truly moved by the response I've already received in this thread.

Don't mention it, man. We're all here for you. I've already got a few donations, looks like the FWF community really does have a heart .

DonnieDuck said:   With the SSI, the wife would get $1492 per month for the rest of her life, correct? But I believe the children would only get it until they reach age 18. Each child would get $1492 but obviously the cap is there. IIRC, the eligible children would each get a check for their portion of the $1989. As each child turns 18, the monies would then be divided among the remaining eligible children.

I'm not positive about this but I believe the above is correct. Correct me if I am wrong.


The survivor benefit for the wife is only for when she is taking care of the children.
She'd also be eligible for a retirement SS benefit based on his SS but only when she hits retirement age.

So she can get the survivor benefit till the kids hit 18 and then the retirement benefit when she hits 62.

Sorry OP, lots of good advice here -- I will echo what someone else said above to the readers of this thread about updating their life insurance. My wife and I just went through the process and updated me to $2MM/20-year term and it's in the ballpark of $60/month. It's very cheap piece of mind for a stay at home mom with four young kids.

gatzdon said:   It has been awhile, but there have been threads on FWF discussing credit cards and their no-questions-asked death benefits. For many, the topic was too "morbid" or "unethical". For the most part, most FWF members concluded the use of such benefits as "legal". The thread that I remember most was started by a cancer patient looking out for his wife.
I know a lot about these (having had the misfortune to have a relative qualify), and about a year ago the CFPB went around extorting settlements out of all the big banks for aggressive sales tactics of these products. A consequence of this regulatory scrutiny was that all the programs offering "payment protection" (for job loss, health issues, death, etc) were either closed or grandfathered to existing customers only. I don't know of any that are presently offered.

xerty said:   gatzdon said:   It has been awhile, but there have been threads on FWF discussing credit cards and their no-questions-asked death benefits. For many, the topic was too "morbid" or "unethical". For the most part, most FWF members concluded the use of such benefits as "legal". The thread that I remember most was started by a cancer patient looking out for his wife.
I know a lot about these (having had the misfortune to have a relative qualify), and about a year ago the CFPB went around extorting settlements out of all the big banks for aggressive sales tactics of these products. A consequence of this regulatory scrutiny was that all the programs offering "payment protection" (for job loss, health issues, death, etc) were either closed or grandfathered to existing customers only. I don't know of any that are presently offered.


Doesn't GEMB offer it still?

if you are into yoga / meditation

google - art of living

find a course near you, what state do you live in?

ellory said:   ETA, medical expenses are deductible over a threshold (2% I think)


7.5% of AGI, rising to 10% starting this year (Obamacare).

OP, my sincere condolences on the terrible news. In addition to all the excellent comments and suggestions so far, here's a thought:

Can you create some kind of "passive" income stream that, with your software skills, you could set up and train your wife to run? Depending on your expertise, skills, interests and your wife's capabilities, it could be an affiliate program, or something else. This is the kind of income source that you and your wife can pursue from anywhere, 24/7. Even more so if some trusted family member or friend is savvy with the internetz. In a few years, the oldest kid could potentially become involved.

I know technology is changing fast, but it may be possible to create something that could bring in some money for your family for the next few years.

Sorry to hear your news. Might be too soon or too painful to hear, but someday your wife might remarry. You may want to setup something to ensure your kids are taken care of.

foghorn19 said:   OP, my sincere condolences on the terrible news. In addition to all the excellent comments and suggestions so far, here's a thought:

Can you create some kind of "passive" income stream that, with your software skills, you could set up and train your wife to run? Depending on your expertise, skills, interests and your wife's capabilities, it could be an affiliate program, or something else. This is the kind of income source that you and your wife can pursue from anywhere, 24/7. Even more so if some trusted family member or friend is savvy with the internetz. In a few years, the oldest kid could potentially become involved.

I know technology is changing fast, but it may be possible to create something that could bring in some money for your family for the next few years.


I think that is a really outstanding idea, and one that I had not yet thought of. I've developed and released a few incoming-producing apps for Windows Phone 7. I've been considering doing some dev work on Android or iOS since Windows Phone 7 (and 8?) is a burning platform.

A battery of incoming producing apps might be highly beneficial. I imagine I'd need to set up some sort of LLC or something to be the actual owner of the IP. I'll look in to that tonight! Maybe I can help secure our future with a nice complement of iOS fart apps!

I'll also investigate other passive sources of incoming through my work as a nerdist. Thanks again - great advice.

jaytrader said:   donatekashisti.org

donate. I did.


In memory of Catwallet and in honor of being able to redeem the donation with nfl barclays points, it only seems right.

Donations so far: $172.42 USD

Let's get this rollin', people.

Sorry to hear your medical condition. Hope all works out, keep your hope and trust.

OP - condolences. I couldn't imagine what you are going through right now, especially with young children. I may have missed this, but what's your age (or range)? Just terrible.

Donation incoming, thanks jaytrader for setting it up.

Condolences. Donated. Good luck to you and your family

It appears it would be advantageous for you to be employed as long as possible (benefits, etc.). Have you spoken with your employer about "stretching out" your tenure? Depending on definition of part time (and what benefits are available to part timers), could you somehow alter your current status to keep you on the payroll as long as possible down the road? Ideas: work extra hours now and "bank" them for future payment; work a regular work week of 40 hours, but bank some of those hours for future payment; even consider going to an hourly wage to effect this future extension of the employment period? I have no HR background, and a lot would depend on your employer, but it might be something to think about...and something on which other FWFs have expanded/better ideas.

First off, OP, I offer up my deepest condolences and second off, this is just a suggestion, but would it be viable to sell the current home and build a smaller one in the same area? Maybe a 2,000 square foot home? How much would you save by doing so?

OP what is the name of your medical condition and how old are you?

Seems that you are pretty young, therefore might be considered a prime subject for some of the clinical trials.
Please take a look at possible clinical trials PRIOR to starting chemo, since a lot of them might not be applied for if you are in the middle of your treatment.

My dad is currently battling Glioblastoma so I know way too much about it than I would ever want to. If it's the same condition let me know and I will write up a treatment timeline of my dad.

This is exactly the kind of situation I like my dollars paying for. Please encourage your wife to use the public assistance if it is available.

mlocker1 said:    There are some experimental immunotherapies for this illness that appear to have promise. You might want to consider a clinical trial to gain access to a therapy such as this. If you are interested, a search for brain cancer on clinicaltrials.gov can probably get you started.

Most, but not all, of those promising immunotherapy trials require gross total resection for entrance. I'd also encourage the OP to seek a second opinion from a top brain cancer center (eg Duke, UCLA...). Besides having the top surgeons who may be able to operate, they also participate in many trials.

As has been noted, your self-description suggests you are young. Younger patients do far better with glioblastoma.

you're in my prayers.

best wishes OP and sorry to hear such terrible news, you might want to talk to your wife and offer your sincere blessings when you are gone for her to remarry and continue on if you are okay with that, my aunt became a widow at an early age and since this was never discussed due to my uncles sudden death she felt a great deal of guilt starting any kind of relationship after he passed. I for one would hope my wife has someone to take care of her if I kicked the bucket.

As a woman that is not a conversation that I would want to have with someone I loved so deeply. That is just me though. The thought of my husband telling me to go out and replace him seems wrong.

jaytrader said:   Donations so far: $172.42 USD

Let's get this rollin', people.


I'm in.

Keep it going at donatekashisti.org

Got a debit card you received from rebates and don't know where/how to drain it? donatekashisti.org

Best of luck to you, OP.

BrodyInsurance said:   Here is the cautionary tale for everyone:
1)Not only is getting life insurance through work usually more expensive, it is dangerous. It is very possible that the coverage will force someone to remain employed when they want to be with their family or take a different job. If one can't/doesn't remain employed, they may lose coverage.
2)Group disability coverage will be lost when one leaves their job. The contractual terms make collecting in the best of situations difficult. For example, if the OP is capable of working part time, there is a very good chance that despite being terminal, he may not be disabled.

Please, everyone, get your life insurance outside of work and, if possible (often it isn't), try to do the same with DI.


this is a great insight.

sorry OP. i don't have any advice but I hope you have sought more than one medical opinion regarding treatment options.

I'm more with Brody than ellory--keep the house. Payment seems minimal vs rent of a lesser place. Equity is minimal and broker fees would swallow that.

Was going to suggest trying to live on $3481 to determine what extra would be needed monthly. But sounds like you are living pretty tightly right now.

You have 4-5 years till all kids are in school--you will be around for at least part of that time. I see the tight budget years as being until that point, but you could draw more from the life ins. for those years with the understanding your wife could then work. Most schools have aftercare programs, which can be subsidized for the needy--she shouldn't be bashful. Your wife could be able to work full-time once all are in school.

Some school districts allow students to enroll if their parent works in the area. Look into the school districts near your wife's potential re-employer to see if they offer this. Then she could commute, drop them off, work a full day, and pick them up and head home.

Other thoughts on "passive" income:
While kid(s) are still at home, the wife may be able to run an at-home daycare.
Any time--possibly rent out one of the rooms. If rents are as high as you say, someone might pay good money for a nice house. Advertise at nearby colleges or employers that are upscale for safety factor.

Work won't hurt the kids. Start with a paper route. In 7 years, the eldest is 16, 12-13 years for the 3 and 4 year old. I started working at 14. It won't hurt them and could increase their self respect from contributing to the family.

suezyque said:   As a woman that is not a conversation that I would want to have with someone I loved so deeply. That is just me though. The thought of my husband telling me to go out and replace him seems wrong.

I think that it's pretty important. It wouldn't be your husband telling you to replace him. Rather, it would be your husband telling you how much that he loves you and wanting you to know that most of all he wants you and the children to be happy and to continue living and having a wonderful life. When someone gets remarried following the death of a spouse, the last thing in the world that is happening is that the first spouse is getting replaced.

mikk1 said:   jaytrader said:   Donations so far: $172.42 USD

Let's get this rollin', people.


I'm in.

Keep it going at donatekashisti.org

Got a debit card you received from rebates and don't know where/how to drain it? donatekashisti.org


Best of luck to you, OP.


Thank you!

Kashisti said:   

Those are all good points - I am not well enough insured, there's no doubt about that. I thought I was, and now that we've gotten back on our feet we adopted a very aggressive savings plan, but hind-sight, yada, yada, yada.

We had floated her taking the entirety of my life insurance policy and just paying a lump sump to the bank on the mortgage, then refinance the remaining $70,000 or so over 30 years. We feel that would bring the payment down low enough to make it feasible for her to stay in the house and afford normal living expenses.

I need to verify what will happen at open enrollment next year - there's a lot of reason to expect that I'll still be around in March, and if I am able to take on another $50,000 then my life insurance would be nearly enough to pay off the entire mortgage.

Thoughts?


I'm sorry to hear about your situation, OP. I hope our advice makes things a little bit easier on you and your family as you all go through this difficult time.

Regarding your question about what to do with the life insurance payout: have you and your wife considered deferring the big investment decisions (e.g. pay down mortgage/auto loan, invest for retirement/kids' tuition, etc.) until after she has received the payout?

The big unknown here seems to be that, right now, you guys don't know exactly what your family's budget will look like after you have passed. So why not wait until that information becomes available, and have your (as you've mentioned) financially savvy wife make a more informed decision at that point?

The opportunity cost is that your family will have lost income they could have earned had they invested the payout immediately, but that seems like an acceptable price to pay to make the best decision about what to do with the payout. Also, if your wife is uncomfortable making this decision alone, spending a small portion of the payout to get professional financial planning advice would, in my opinion, be worth it.

OP, I will pray for you and your family; hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones. I don't have anything more to add to these comments, keep up your good attitude. I second reading the last lecture by Randy Pausch.

BrodyInsurance said:   suezyque said:   As a woman that is not a conversation that I would want to have with someone I loved so deeply. That is just me though. The thought of my husband telling me to go out and replace him seems wrong.

I think that it's pretty important. It wouldn't be your husband telling you to replace him. Rather, it would be your husband telling you how much that he loves you and wanting you to know that most of all he wants you and the children to be happy and to continue living and having a wonderful life. When someone gets remarried following the death of a spouse, the last thing in the world that is happening is that the first spouse is getting replaced.


I had a lot of difficulty when my sister in law died. My brother ran right out and got engaged 3 months later. I felt he was replacing his wife and it felt so disrespectful to her memory. That relationship broke up which was good as she was in a cult. Men seem to have a need to reconnect immediately whereas women seem to need more time to grieve before they can even think of moving on.

ellory said:   ETA, medical expenses are deductible over a threshold (2% I think)

You need to make a decision on how much treatment you can afford. Sounds heartless I know. But your wife will want to spend everything to extend your time, leaving her destitute. Is that what you want?

Also,
1) if she is not financially savvy, knows how to invest and how to be frugal, she needs to learn right away or get help
2) you need a will, an Advanced Medical directive, at the right time - a DNR, and a durable power of attorney. Your wife if she is level headed, someone else if she is not.

my apologies before I disagree. drs practice medicine, they are not God. I have seen patients outlive even the worst of diagnosis. and money should never come before health. once you have done every possible thing you can and you have no other options, then you resume trying to secure a future. God bless you for being a true husband and father. Please do not forget about you in the process. my best friend was diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer with a 2 to 6 month survival at age 30. at age 35 they operated and said she wouldn't make it through the night. and at age 37 she went in for surgery and they opened her and said they couldn't do anything because the cancer was so advanced. she passed away at age 82 about 3 years ago. Maybe I'm crazy, and the odds are against you but anything is possible. stay strong. fight till there is no fight left. I am praying for you. your family needs you more than they need the money. good luck to you, and please do not give in.

OP, You're in my prayers.

Advice:

Not mentioned yet: I seriously think that in a situation like this you need to look to the possibility of (a) family member(s) moving in for at least a period of time if you were to pass. Most likely that may be her parents if possible. It really has the potential to be a cure all solution because you can commingle the liabilities of the home with someone else's(who cares) financial position to mutually support the cost and reduce both parties housing costs. It also instantly provides more support structure to the kids if you didn't make it and potentially can relieve the issue of child care in the event she decides to want to go back to work. Either way it's easily conceivable that family member(s) paying even 1/3 of that housing cost could allow your wife to manage financially almost in perpetuity.

I don't know if her parents are pleasant people or if she has any single brothers or sisters that might be up for something like that. Much less likely, but if she particularly gets along with your parents often times the loss of a son can bring parents closer to his wife and same goes for any single brother and sister you have.

If any of the above is remotely possible at all I seriously think it's something you should look at and talk about. It makes sense both from appreciating this in the context of when family should help, but also it makes practical sense financially for both parties(your wife and the family member that could move in).

I don't know, I hope this is some other area to look at. I'll post any other ideas that come to mind.

What if you max out your credit cards that are under your name to treat the disease? In the event of your death, can the credit card companies go after your family for credit card debt?

There is one other technique to look at.

This is a variable annuity. These typically ave a death benefit (needed to make them an insurance product). These are frequently the greater of the actual value of the investments, or the amount put into them.

You would then get one for the largest single premium you culd swing. Let say it was $200,000.It should then be invested in the riskiest manner. To make the logic clear, suppose the outcomes were one of two possibilities. You make $100 or lose 100,000 on the investments. If you lose, the death benefit is the $200,000 (your initial payment). If you win, the policy is worth $300,000 and that is what is received on your death.

The is usually the highest rate of return someone with a short life expectancy can get, making it very attractive.

I would fund it by methods such as selling the house, possibly cashing out the life insurance, using credit card debt. etc.

Such contracts involve an annuity option, and she may want to take it if there is a profit just to minimize the tax hit (If the investment yields $100,000 she may not want to take it all as cash since that will be $100,000 o income, and if spread out she will probably be in lower brackets in later years, from what you said.

I have discussed this with several advisers and they agree. to my knowledge no firms ask any health questions (the closest is that they have a maximum age for contracts, which is often at least 80 or ninety).

The expense and mortality charges on variable annuities are often high, but with your life expectancy, this would be a very good deal. I don't' know who to use. The fellow who calls himself Brody Insurance seems smart a may have an insurance business business, and I could mention at least one agent who I have a decent amount with (in the millions) who has discussed the very short life expectancy case with me.

If you want to discuss this idea in more detail, PM me and we can exchange phone numbers.

ProfessorEd said:   There is one other technique to look at.

This is a variable annuity. These typically ave a death benefit (needed to make them an insurance product). These are frequently the greater of the actual value of the investments, or the amount put into them.

You would then get one for the largest single premium you culd swing. Let say it was $200,000.It should then be invested in the riskiest manner. To make the logic clear, suppose the outcomes were one of two possibilities. You make $100 or lose 100,000 on the investments. If you lose, the death benefit is the $200,000 (your initial payment). If you win, the policy is worth $300,000 and that is what is received on your death.

The is usually the highest rate of return someone with a short life expectancy can get, making it very attractive.

I would fund it by methods such as selling the house, possibly cashing out the life insurance, using credit card debt. etc.

Such contracts involve an annuity option, and she may want to take it if there is a profit just to minimize the tax hit (If the investment yields $100,000 she may not want to take it all as cash since that will be $100,000 o income, and if spread out she will probably be in lower brackets in later years, from what you said.

I have discussed this with several advisers and they agree. to my knowledge no firms ask any health questions (the closest is that they have a maximum age for contracts, which is often at least 80 or ninety).
The fees on these are often high, but with your life expectancy, this would be a very good deal. I don't' know who to use. The fellow who calls himself Brody Insurance seems smart a may have an insurance business business, and I could mention at least one agent who I have a decent amount with (in the millions) who has discussed the very short life expectancy case with me.

If you want to discuss this idea in more detail, PM me and we can exchange phone numbers.



^^^Actually this is smart. I'll throw my weight behind this, but it doesn't seem like he has enough to make this worthwhile himself, but based upon the amazing success another person had(that was reported by I believe public radio and then posted on here) it might even make sense to 'investor'(read family) money behind this. It makes a lot of logical sense to take advantage of this one.

Can someone track down that thread on this and re-post it?

TheDealMaker said:   What if you max out your credit cards that are under your name to treat the disease? In the event of your death, can the credit card companies go after your family for credit card debt?

The credit cards can go after his estate after he passes. So, his "estate" has to be virtually worthless. That would require doing asset protection planning well in advance(move house and vehicle into trusts, drain his account(s) and remove him from joint accounts) to prevent creditors from having a claim against any assets.

My ex-wife's parents have taken similar pro-active steps to transfer the father's assets out of his name due to prostate cancer. He also has approx $300K in available credit that will be fully utilized at the time of his passing.

If I was in OPs position, I would definitely do an AOR.

RealEstateMatt said:   
If I was in OPs position, I would definitely do an AOR.


I agree! When your heading into the unknown best to have access to all of the liquidity you can and it's best to do that while you can still prove a solid income(not if and when an emergency strikes and you no longer can).

dshibb said:   ProfessorEd said:   There is one other technique to look at.

This is a variable annuity. These typically ave a death benefit (needed to make them an insurance product). These are frequently the greater of the actual value of the investments, or the amount put into them.

You would then get one for the largest single premium you culd swing. Let say it was $200,000.It should then be invested in the riskiest manner. To make the logic clear, suppose the outcomes were one of two possibilities. You make $100 or lose 100,000 on the investments. If you lose, the death benefit is the $200,000 (your initial payment). If you win, the policy is worth $300,000 and that is what is received on your death.

The is usually the highest rate of return someone with a short life expectancy can get, making it very attractive.

I would fund it by methods such as selling the house, possibly cashing out the life insurance, using credit card debt. etc.

Such contracts involve an annuity option, and she may want to take it if there is a profit just to minimize the tax hit (If the investment yields $100,000 she may not want to take it all as cash since that will be $100,000 o income, and if spread out she will probably be in lower brackets in later years, from what you said.

I have discussed this with several advisers and they agree. to my knowledge no firms ask any health questions (the closest is that they have a maximum age for contracts, which is often at least 80 or ninety).
The fees on these are often high, but with your life expectancy, this would be a very good deal. I don't' know who to use. The fellow who calls himself Brody Insurance seems smart a may have an insurance business business, and I could mention at least one agent who I have a decent amount with (in the millions) who has discussed the very short life expectancy case with me.

If you want to discuss this idea in more detail, PM me and we can exchange phone numbers.



^^^Actually this is smart. I'll throw my weight behind this, but it doesn't seem like he has enough to make this worthwhile himself, but based upon the amazing success another person had(that was reported by I believe public radio and then posted on here) it might even make sense to 'investor'(read family) money behind this. It makes a lot of logical sense to take advantage of this one.

Can someone track down that thread on this and re-post it?


Found it: All Time Greatest Heavy Hitter?

OP you should read this!! This is something you should definitely look at.

glad the donation site went up, just donated! hope this helps.



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