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MoneyOCD said:   savylady said:   

Fatwallet Moderators: We've all saved tons of Fatwallet cash through your incredible network of sharing great deals. Might Fatwallet lend us a hand in helping Kashisti by allowing us to donate some of that Fatwallet cash to him?


+100

PayPal refused to take my Visa GC, I even registered it to my name and address - still no go. Any help?


Better yet, we have all made TONS of cash for FATWALLET, i hope fatwallet matches our donations!

So sorry about the diagnosis. Hope you are able to find successful treatment options.

Regarding the financial situation
1. Your family should stay in the house. This is best for your family's mental well being, stability and may also be best financially. At worst, it is probably a wash after the tax deduction. If your payments including PITI are $1600, they are not likely to increase as swiftly as rent would, so after 5-8 years it is probably the most affordable option. If the house is new, it will not need major maintenance for 15 or so years, so that is a major plus compared to other ownership scenarios.

2. You need three plans:
a) Your enjoy remission & long term health: Sounds like you have a good plan in place for that, which you have been on. Continue.
b) Your wife is on her own: Advice on getting assets OUT of your estate is good. Get a lawyer and get good documents. Look into getting assets into a trust or wife's name. Laws are different in every state.
c) Your long term illness: This one is the most difficult. You need to figure out what to do if you can't work, don't bring in income, but need ongoing medical care, and most likely your wife won't work as she will need to care for you and the kids.

For scenario b), your family could probably be just fine. It won't be easy, but they will be ok. Figure it like this - you bring in $79k and save at least $1k month, so your family spends $67k, or $5583/month (less if you can figure out how to get rid of the car payment on the Explorer). The support for the 9 year old is neutral (stays and spends the same). Family would get $3,481 in Survivor benefits. Taxes would be less -let's assume that accounts for about $1k month of current "spending", so the differential is about $1100/m, or $13,200/year. If your $220k life insurance makes 1% year interest, assume the $220k gets depleted at about the rate of $12k/year for the first five years. Leaves about $160k after 5 years. Assume wife can get a job after 5 years when the kids are in school. They will get through the next 5 years.

The big issue with scenario b is health insurance for the family. With the new health insurance law, it may become quite affordable. Even if it costs $10k year, there is still over $100k of the life insurance money left after 5 years. The goal should be to preserve a minimum of $100k after 5 years.

Scenario c) is the one that is most difficult. If it comes to pass, it is probably not for some time, so hopefully the new healthcare law would be in effect and you and your family would benefit. If you posted how much your disability benefit is, I missed it. Unfortunately, any SSDI is probably offset by your disability benefit. In this scenario you would need lots of help from family to watch the kids and help you manage your health, and it is possible your wife would need to work.

It is a good idea for your wife to stay in touch with her former employer and contacts, because it seems no matter what she will need to go back to work in 5 years when all the kids are in school. Five years is a long time - people change jobs, corporate memory is lost, so keep in touch with the individuals who know her work. She should schedule a few lunch/breakfast or even dinner meetings now, before you start treatment. She will be pressed for time after you start treatment, and she will need the friendship/emotional support she is sure to get from her former colleagues.

I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this. I have a family member who fought and won life threatening situations 3 times now. This person has the best attitude about life of anyone I have ever met.

Kashisti, don't have any advice for you. Just positive thoughts and wanted to let you know - how much I appreciate that you are equally concerned about the 9 yr old step son as you are about your bio-children. Your wife is a lucky gal! and the kids are lucky to have a parent like you. I know you are taking all the right steps to financially secure your family. In addition, give priority to your health. With a Higher power willing, you may not have to use all the tips you are getting. Good luck to u and your family!!

jerosen said:   DonnieDuck said:   With the SSI, the wife would get $1492 per month for the rest of her life, correct? But I believe the children would only get it until they reach age 18. Each child would get $1492 but obviously the cap is there. IIRC, the eligible children would each get a check for their portion of the $1989. As each child turns 18, the monies would then be divided among the remaining eligible children.

I'm not positive about this but I believe the above is correct. Correct me if I am wrong.


The survivor benefit for the wife is only for when she is taking care of the children.
She'd also be eligible for a retirement SS benefit based on his SS but only when she hits retirement age.

So she can get the survivor benefit till the kids hit 18 and then the retirement benefit when she hits 62.


There is a minor issue that seems to be left out of many discussions,taxes.

There is a family maximum for SS payments. As a practical matter, the family will normally merge the payments. If the wife receives benefits, that lowers the benefits for the children by an equal amount. Children usually have too little income to owe taxes, but the wife may. It may pay for the wife to not apply for herself, but only for the children.

A trial calculation should be made to see if the wife will owe taxes, either Federal or state. If there is any doubt, I she might not want to apply. Knowing her tax situation could be useful for a lot of issues.

Children's benefits can be directly deposited into the family bank account. The mother will be legally obligated to use the funds for the children, but the enforcement for children living with a parent is limited to signing a statement once per year that the money has been used for the child's benefit. (As a practical matter, a child's care usually greatly exceeds the social security benefit, so that money taken from the family account for the child's share of expenses will far exceed the SS payments.)

Kashisti, I'm not able to offer any financial advice and I wish my $ contribution could have been more. But what I can do is pray. Every day when I go online to check FatWallet, I think of you and remember to say a prayer for you and your family (and based on my typical daily number of FatWallet visits, that's going to add up to a lot of prayers!).

My dad also had a brain tumor. After doing what treatments they could, the doctors said he had about 6 months left to live and advised us to put him in hospice care, but we decided to keep him at home. He beat the odds and lived almost 10 more years. I pray the same for you.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I'm glad so many people here are offering whatever they can do to help. We're all rooting for you.

Dilly101 said:   
My dad also had a brain tumor. After doing what treatments they could, the doctors said he had about 6 months left to live and advised us to put him in hospice care, but we decided to keep him at home. He beat the odds and lived almost 10 more years.


Wow!!! That's awesome!

Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Best wish to you OP.
IMHO, regarding cancer, get second opinion if you want, but dont doctor hopping. 2 or 3 opinions are more than adequate.
Spend time with your family. Please please let them know your core value. Let them REALLY know you. It will be way more helpful when the issue of advance directive comes in to play.
Do not worry about what will happen to your family 10-15 years from now. I assume your wife is similar age as you. If you did not win this battle, most likely she will move on and marry someone else. You children will be adults and able to take care of themself in 10-15 years. That means concentrating your efforrs at providing for them for the next 10-15 years max. Your resource and time is limited, you should not plan this like you are planning for retirement.
You and your family will be fine.

jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Why would you allow others to dictate your own level of generosity?

BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Why would you allow others to dictate your own level of generosity?


Why spin what I said? It was simply an idea that I had, and hadn't mentioned it because it was, in fact, my own generosity. In other words, it was a commitment of my own on top of any other donations I've made. Don't twist it.

jaytrader said:   BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Why would you allow others to dictate your own level of generosity?


Why spin what I said? It was simply an idea that I had, and hadn't mentioned it because it was, in fact, my own generosity. In other words, it was a commitment of my own on top of any other donations I've made. Don't twist it.


I'm not trying to twist it. I am trying to understand it. I am in no way questioning your generosity. The fact that you are doing this leads me to the conclusion that you are a very generous person. If you want to give $10, give $10. If you want to give $1000, give $1000.

BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Why would you allow others to dictate your own level of generosity?


Why spin what I said? It was simply an idea that I had, and hadn't mentioned it because it was, in fact, my own generosity. In other words, it was a commitment of my own on top of any other donations I've made. Don't twist it.


I'm not trying to twist it. I am trying to understand it. I am in no way questioning your generosity. The fact that you are doing this leads me to the conclusion that you are a very generous person. If you want to give $10, give $10. If you want to give $1000, give $1000.


Alright. Glad you understand that I am not letting anyone else, nor their actions, dictate anything regarding this situation. I purposefully didn't want to broadcast what my intent was, but I felt the need at this point given the donations have slowed down. It was simply an attempt at motivating others to donate.

ETA: it seemed to have worked, maybe... $1,743.50.

jaytrader said:   BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   BrodyInsurance said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

Why would you allow others to dictate your own level of generosity?


Why spin what I said? It was simply an idea that I had, and hadn't mentioned it because it was, in fact, my own generosity. In other words, it was a commitment of my own on top of any other donations I've made. Don't twist it.


I'm not trying to twist it. I am trying to understand it. I am in no way questioning your generosity. The fact that you are doing this leads me to the conclusion that you are a very generous person. If you want to give $10, give $10. If you want to give $1000, give $1000.


Alright. Glad you understand that I am not letting anyone else, nor their actions, dictate anything regarding this situation. I purposefully didn't want to broadcast what my intent was, but I felt the need at this point given the donations have slowed down. It was simply an attempt at motivating others to donate.

ETA: it seemed to have worked, maybe... $1,743.50.


You gave an extremely generous offer, ignore anyone that could possibly question why you would do that. Holy cow.. some people.

Chocula, if you read carefully you will see that I'm in no way questioning his generosity. It was a question of curiosity. He answered the question when he said it was an attempt to motivate others.

Find time to let yourself vent your emotions: scream, cry, whatever get it out of your system from time to time so the danger of becoming snappish to your loved ones is minimized.

There has been some great suggestions, and I'm send positive energy your way.

jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

donated

MarsdenFubar said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

donated


Thanks.

$1,810.87

Kashisti said:   ellory said:   Kashisti said:   

I need to verify what will happen at open enrollment next year - there's a lot of reason to expect that I'll still be around in March, and if I am able to take on another $50,000 then my life insurance would be nearly enough to pay off the entire mortgage.

Thoughts?
You are thinking with your heart and not your head. Run the numbers. And the alternatives. Dumping all your assets into a house that might be difficult to sell.

You have two alternatives that I see

a) Wife doesn't work / medicaid / Food stamps /Obamacare / keep assets out of her name if it triggers drop in payments- Run the numbers
b) Wife works / family cares for kids / company medical insurance / assets in her name - run the numbers

Under either scenario there needs to be a plan for the kids if something happens to her
Under either scenario, you need Durable PoA, Advanced Medical directive , etc
Under either scenario you need to ensure your assets avoid probate and move directly where you want them to be


So, I hear you there. If she really slummed it, got a cheap apartment someone in this area (to include the areas around family support), I'm not sure she could find anything for much less than $800 to $1000. That's less than $1,600, of course, but not by a huge amount.

I'll totally agree that a sizable portion of me is thinking about the house with my heart, but unless there's something more advantageous about an apartment in general (Taxes? Upkeep?), there must be some point in the continuum where it makes sense to try and save the house. If our mortgage payment was $100/month, I'd venture to guess she should keep it. If it were $3,000/month, not so much. If she magically found a job that paid what I make now, and had full support for the kids during the day she should probably keep it.

Those are all extreme examples of course, and our situation is someone in the middle - closer to the bad end of things, of course. But I can't help but feel that there is some sliding scale involved that makes this a question of a good CBA. If I'm wrong, and dumping the house is universally the best choice, I get that. If I'm right, I'm not sure what those inputs are that would adjust what the optimal decision is.


Hey Brother, firstly get well soon. You are in my thoughts here in NYC.

One piece of advice I would offer is that you don't seem to be valuing money properly. You don't see the value in saving $600-$800 per month and you don't see the immediate value in your wife returning to work - with both parents close by and a time of need perhaps you could rely on them to cover the kids 3 days a week (alternating 1+2 or 2+1 days or 3 on 3 off) this would remove the childcare costs. It would be a burden on the them but you know.. you kinda need support.

3 days a week would eradicate your living expenses, the income from this could cover your current $1600 mortgage easily, and if you reduce costs on that by up to 50% you could start building a nest egg. Planning for the worst, adding enough money in say 1 year to cover expenses for a further year would give a lot of breathing room for your family. Hoping for the best, you take that money and go on a family holiday to Disney 2 years from now having made a full recovery.

Seems that you are saying 'it's only X' when X could make a massive difference to your finances.

So best case would be to move to a cheap rental and have the wife work- personally I wouldn't make the move because I think the upheaval and emotion of downgrading the home would suck (but in reality it should be something that has to be done at some point) but I would aggressively look to bringing more money into the home by relying on the family support system and getting the wife back into the workplace.

However, I don't know enough about the benefits system here to know if doing this would cut access to government support.


MarsdenFubar said:   jaytrader said:   Seems like we're stuck at this $1719 figure. Cmon, FWF. I know we can do better. I haven't mentioned this yet, but for every $1000 we hit, I had planned on donating another $100. In other words, I had planned on matching 10% of the total donations.

donated

Donated as well.
You should now be over $2000

Kashisti said:   
Thanks for the advice - but years of parenting (regardless of my own kids' ages) has taught me that I should be wary of anyone using the phrase "smart teenager."



The majority of teenagers with whom I've dealt are very smart. Many of them are just poorly motivated to demonstrate it.

Hello all - long overdue update post here. I've been a crap communicator the last several weeks, mostly because I'm just so darn exhausted.

I researched clinical trials as best I could. I couldn't find anything for my specific diagnoses - again, it's pretty unheard of in adults - but I did consult with my Neuro-Oncologist who said that, based on that rarity, in his experience treating reasonably now wouldn't necessarily bar me from a clinical trial down the road several years if one opens up. He said that any clinical trial that deals with my specific diagnosis wouldn't be able to get any participants if it excluded folks who had completed their "best guess" for treatment. That may be BS, but given that there aren't any current trials it sounded good to me.

I also looked in to the Ketogenic (spelling?) diet. We consulted with a few doctors and nutritionists. We learned that itís a very difficult diet to get right, and that itís an all-or-nothing affair. We were also warned of some long-term side effects or pursuing the diet. Ultimately we decided to eat bacon and be happy.

My therapy regimen calls for six weeks of radiation treatment, five days a week (Monday through Friday) along with nightly doses of chemo every night (including weekends). Iíve got seven days of radiation left, and therefore nine days of chemo with it. I must say that I feel very lucky to be weathering this face of treatment as well as I am. I get completely exhausted around 5:00PM or so (it was initially not until 9:00PM or 10:00PM), and I can definitely feel the radiation starting to catch up with me physically (tooth sensitivity and the like), but Ė Iím still working [from home] full-time, able to get my treatment sessions in during my lunch break, and able to put my four kids to bed each night. From what Iíve heard and read it could be a lot worse right now.

Weíll follow-up with my Neuro-Oncologist again three weeks after the completion of my treatment (with the final day being next Thursday, April 11th). At that point theyíll do a repeat MRI and see where I am and where I might be down the road. Still being realistic, planning and preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best.

Weíve got our updated wills and living wills, etc. underway through our attorney. Weíll be investigating putting as much in to trust(s) as possible Ė Iíll admit I donít know a whole lot about that bit of planning, but I do know enough to know that Iíll be looking in to it.

I did take the suggestion of another poster and more pro-actively work towards setting up a passive revenue stream for our family for the time when I am unable to work, or no longer living to work. I set up an LLC with my wife as the sole owner and registered that business with the Apple, Android, Windows Phone and Windows 8 App stores. Nothing release yet, but Iím on track to crank out a good 20 or so apps within the next week or two. My target scenario is free ad-supported apps that someone will keep on their phone and open from time to time. Iíve done some preliminary math through several of the ad platforms and even a conservative number of downloads/views, without even many click-throughs, would provide meaningful income for my family.

There are other items that have been surfaced in this thread that I still plan to look in to Ė insurance strategies, timeshare strategies. To be honest, Iíve been trying to get some of these core items tackled the last several weeks. That, combined with the fact that Iím trying to keep family time as a major focus, and how tired Iíve been getting, has made it difficult to get as much stuff checked off as Iíd like. Iím optimistic that once my treatment takes a break Iíll have a bit more energy to tackle these other questions. Hopefully Iíve picked wisely what I focus on at the present time.

EDIT: Friggin' April Fool's...

Thanks for the update, man. Hang in there, keep your chin up.

Edit as well: Damn April fools.

Kashisti said:   

EDIT: Friggin' April Fool's...


In any case, this thread has been helpful for many families for things to think about and be ready just in case this happens to them. My brother was just diagnosed with cancer in the mouth and throat recently (non-smoker), and I used this thread to go over things with him to think about just in case.

Enjoy your family and thanks for the update. All my prayers are with you and the rest of the families suffering with this horrible disease.

ETA: I see about the edit.

Kashisti said:   
EDIT: Friggin' April Fool's...


Lots of crap going on and you're holding strong. OP you're inspirational.

Jaytrader when will the donation fund be given to op? Or is it already transferred to him ?

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   Jaytrader when will the donation fund be given to op? Or is it already transferred to him ?

Don't know. My goal was $10k at the minimum, but it seems that donations really died off when we hit about $1800. To get to the $21xx we're at now (from $1800 level), it's taken over a month. I've told my friends and family, and they have donated, on top of FWF people. I honestly thought we'd get much more, but I guess not?

Plan B is to give the funds to OP when OP says he needs them. I told him the money is his, so I suppose it's kind of up to him at this point, although I do still maintain control over the Paypal account.

ETA: Once the funds are transferred or withdrawn, I will probably close the Paypal account, so get your donations in while you can!

Donated. Let's keep this going.

Created an account and donated. Prayers and all the best to you and your family OP.

Kashisti said:   Nothing release yet, but Iím on track to crank out a good 20 or so apps within the next week or two. My target scenario is free ad-supported apps that someone will keep on their phone and open from time to time. Iíve done some preliminary math through several of the ad platforms and even a conservative number of downloads/views, without even many click-throughs, would provide meaningful income for my family.

If you want to let us know when they are ready I'll be happy to download and use (or even just regularly "check out the ads") - whether or not you charge for them.

jaytrader said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   Jaytrader when will the donation fund be given to op? Or is it already transferred to him ?

Don't know. My goal was $10k at the minimum, but it seems that donations really died off when we hit about $1800. To get to the $21xx we're at now (from $1800 level), it's taken over a month. I've told my friends and family, and they have donated, on top of FWF people. I honestly thought we'd get much more, but I guess not?

Plan B is to give the funds to OP when OP says he needs them. I told him the money is his, so I suppose it's kind of up to him at this point, although I do still maintain control over the Paypal account.

ETA: Once the funds are transferred or withdrawn, I will probably close the Paypal account, so get your donations in while you can!

Op has 7 days of radiation and 9 days of chemo
Left ,of course I'ts up to him but let's get this transferred to him ASAP

I say transfer and leave it open.

I say transfer and leave the account open..

OP, green for the update - you're definitely in my prayers tonight, brother!

Well played, FWF.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   jaytrader said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   Jaytrader when will the donation fund be given to op? Or is it already transferred to him ?

Don't know. My goal was $10k at the minimum, but it seems that donations really died off when we hit about $1800. To get to the $21xx we're at now (from $1800 level), it's taken over a month. I've told my friends and family, and they have donated, on top of FWF people. I honestly thought we'd get much more, but I guess not?

Plan B is to give the funds to OP when OP says he needs them. I told him the money is his, so I suppose it's kind of up to him at this point, although I do still maintain control over the Paypal account.

ETA: Once the funds are transferred or withdrawn, I will probably close the Paypal account, so get your donations in while you can!

Op has 7 days of radiation and 9 days of chemo
Left ,of course I'ts up to him but let's get this transferred to him ASAP

What's it matter? I'm not going to swindle a few grand from anyone. I told OP, it's his, so when he wants it, he can take it. Remember that from Paypal's perspective, this is MY account. That's why I don't give anyone full on access to it (such as giving the account to the OP). Perhaps I should have investigated a better donation option. Hindsight is always 20/20, huh?

Ah well, I'll talk about it with OP over the next few days and we'll come up with a plan. Don't fret!

ETA: What does the amount of time for radiation therapy and chemo have to do with the donations? Seems pretty unrelated, and quite arbitrary to bring up. Perhaps I'm not following your rationale, though?

jaytrader said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   jaytrader said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   Jaytrader when will the donation fund be given to op? Or is it already transferred to him ?

Don't know. My goal was $10k at the minimum, but it seems that donations really died off when we hit about $1800. To get to the $21xx we're at now (from $1800 level), it's taken over a month. I've told my friends and family, and they have donated, on top of FWF people. I honestly thought we'd get much more, but I guess not?

Plan B is to give the funds to OP when OP says he needs them. I told him the money is his, so I suppose it's kind of up to him at this point, although I do still maintain control over the Paypal account.

ETA: Once the funds are transferred or withdrawn, I will probably close the Paypal account, so get your donations in while you can!

Op has 7 days of radiation and 9 days of chemo
Left ,of course I'ts up to him but let's get this transferred to him ASAP

What's it matter? I'm not going to swindle a few grand from anyone. I told OP, it's his, so when he wants it, he can take it. Remember that from Paypal's perspective, this is MY account. That's why I don't give anyone full on access to it (such as giving the account to the OP). Perhaps I should have investigated a better donation option. Hindsight is always 20/20, huh?

Ah well, I'll talk about it with OP over the next few days and we'll come up with a plan. Don't fret!

ETA: What does the amount of time for radiation therapy and chemo have to do with the donations? Seems pretty unrelated, and quite arbitrary to bring up. Perhaps I'm not following your rationale, though?


Sounds morbid, but who will you transfer it to if OP passes unexpectedly? I may get red for this, but when you go thru rigorous medical treatment stuff happens....

I've largely ignored the status of the donations - it's genuinely and thoroughly appreciated, though. I wasn't even remotely a goal of this thread. And, since it's always been framed to me that it's really for my family, I'm unlikely to say "I need that money now."

A suggestion - while setting up the app development LLC in my wife's name I also took the time to set up segregated bank accounts in her name. That also includes a segregated PayPal account (that's one of the payout methods for Microsoft development). Other than whatever ties my marriage gives me I am legally non-existent for those accounts. jaytrader has spoken to my wife on a number of occasions, so I'm willing to venture that he'd take her at her word that her account is truly her account.

I realize that in practical terms my wife and I still share finances, so the community would know where those donation funds go, but I thought it might help a little bit if I could offer a bit of a buffer, especially since I'm not being particularly "grabby" about the donation funds.

If that sounds reasonable or logical then I can make sure that jaytrader gets the proper account from my wife, and whenever people decide to send her the money that's when she gets it. That would also take care of the valid point raised by i3ighead.

You heard it straight from the source, folks. I am not NOT sending the funds for any reason. I just haven't seen a reason TO send the funds. I talk to the OP a few times per week, and as he said, I have talked to his wife a few times as well. They know the money's there for them when they need/want it. What does it really matter WHERE the funds are currently? All that matters is that every cent of the donations (less Paypal fees, as I've said earlier) are theirs and that's it. It doesn't benefit me, nor do I gain, from having the funds sit in my (donation) Paypal account.

Seems like people just WANT the funds to be sent to the family without any valid reason. Well, ya know what, I see no problem with that--but give me some sort of valid reason to keep making transfers to the family instead of just one lump sum. Seems quite silly to bombard them with transfers for every donation, doesn't it?

I have no dog in the fight since I haven't donated so you can likely stop reading here

However, if I were a donator I would want to know my funds were being put to use rather than sitting in an account not currently controlled by the intended recipient of the funds.

If I donated to a non-profit I would want them to use the funds rather than to give them to their banker to sit in an account controlled by the banker.

I understand it may be like "jeez, I'm trying to do a nice thing here" but I wouldn't be comfortable with a 3rd party holding my donation indefinitely. I would also imagine OP and family may not want to ask for funds because taking charity can be a bit difficult (per his post above).

As you see no harm in holding onto the money, I see no harm in sending it on once per month, once per week, etc. They can put it in their own account, in the trust they put together, whatever. If that is too much trouble, perhaps handing over the account or having OP set up his own account would be more comfortable? Especially if donations are drying up... what are the odds that the account continues to grow? That is, will waiting result in a significantly larger lump sum than is in there now?



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