• Go to page :
  • 1 2
  • Text Only
I would loan money to any of my relative and good friends at least once, that way they can't say I'm heartless or selfish, and not there for them when they're in need...you never know if you're ever that person who is in need of their help. I do always assume that they cannot pay me back so I don't loan more than what I can afford to give away, that way I'm not bitter and hounding them to pay me back. But after that one time, next time they ask, it would depends on whether they paid back that initial loan or not. If they had not, at least I can say, I would but I'm sorry, someone still owes me $x.

To help anyone with their finances, it would depend on whether or not they want to be helped. Most people don't really want your input, unless it involves you giving them money, and even if they ask for your advice, they may not have the mental capability and discipline to implement your advices. If I were you, I would give advices, but don't expect anything to come from it.

Now, being that she is your mom and not just an obscure relative, see if your mom would let you help her get a credit card that has 0% balance transfer. If her credit is trashed and she cannot get another card, then pay her credit card off for her and set her up on an automatic payment plan to pay you back, interest free. Help her get her credit score back up, until she can get that zero balance credit transfer and transfer remaining balance owed you to the card. I don't know your capability to help your mom financially, maybe not much since you're only 22, but if you can, it's something you might want to consider. While others say to trim the fat, well, certain things are nice to have and keeps people from getting depressed and from getting into other trouble. Try to get her the same technology at a lesser cost, i.e. pre-paid phone plans like Virgin Mobile, republic, T-Mobile. Get internet in the house and use wifi instead of individual data plan for the ipad, get Netflix or huluplus instead of cable, etc.

donotdrinkPBR said:   StevenColorado said:   Doesn't she get child support for the 14 yo?LOL. Third line of the original post.Um ... No. Alimony != child support. Don't be stupid.

bopc1996 said:   ZenNUTS said:   donotdrinkPBR said:   StevenColorado said:   Doesn't she get child support for the 14 yo?LOL. Third line of the original post.alimony is not child support and is usually award for a few years.
Some people can't be helped and some just need some education. It's worthwhile for OP to get a handle on this, spent a weekend to work through all the bill with her and figure out exactly what the cash flow situation is. Of course, all these assume she does want to get helped.


Wrong! Alimony is for life if you have been married for 10 years or more in MOST states. If married less than 10 years almond is required for h
F the number of years you have been married.
It is you that is wrong, my friend. Except about the almond part. I donno how many almonds I'm supposed to pay the ex. I don't pay her any right now; guess I'm getting over.....

protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


Awesome !!!

We got our 50 year old furnace repaired for $350 rather than replaced, good for you !!

I'm very glad that you got the furnace fixed! Cudos for being the responsible one.

For future reference. Never, ever lend family money. If they are not able to pay that money back you will always hold a grudge against them and stuff like that does tear families apart. If the need is great enough, and I'm willing to walk away from the money, then I'm willing to gift that money to them.

Also this is a question about your financial responsibility just as much as it is hers. Are you in a position to bear the burden of anthers debt? Are you really helping her out, or enabling her irresponsibility? Don't be someone elses tool. You are responsible and smart enough that you should be the one calling the shots.

SUCKISSTAPLES said:   protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


Awesome !!!

We got our 50 year old furnace repaired for $350 rather than replaced, good for you !!


SIS. I'm coming from an energy savings side, but if its a 50 yo furnace was probably @60% effiency. Replacement today to 80% FUE would result in around a 2-4 year payback on the energy bill alone.
OP. how old is your moms furnace and what's the FUE? In the short term repair is cheaper, but long term replacement (5 years or less) may be the more cost effective solution.

imbatman said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


Awesome !!!

We got our 50 year old furnace repaired for $350 rather than replaced, good for you !!


SIS. I'm coming from an energy savings side, but if its a 50 yo furnace was probably @60% effiency. Replacement today to 80% FUE would result in around a 2-4 year payback on the energy bill alone.
OP. how old is your moms furnace and what's the FUE? In the short term repair is cheaper, but long term replacement (5 years or less) may be the more cost effective solution.


SIS is a FW pro. I'm sure he's run the numbers, but I'm curious too.

(also factor in additional savings from electricity/gas company upgrade promotions. AEP Ohio gave me ~$550 replacing mine)

I guess people have different relationships with their parents, but if it were me, I'd say something like: if you're not interested in addressing your debt and costs, I'm not going to lend you money in the future. You don't have to be direct about it (although I would, because my Dad doesn't hear me otherwise), but if she doesn't do that she's putting you in the position of enabler of her bad habits, and possible future serious problems. No one wants to face up to credit card debt, it's an evil scourge.

Pics?

imbatman said:   SUCKISSTAPLES said:   protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


Awesome !!!

We got our 50 year old furnace repaired for $350 rather than replaced, good for you !!


SIS. I'm coming from an energy savings side, but if its a 50 yo furnace was probably @60% effiency. Replacement today to 80% FUE would result in around a 2-4 year payback on the energy bill alone.
OP. how old is your moms furnace and what's the FUE? In the short term repair is cheaper, but long term replacement (5 years or less) may be the more cost effective solution.


I think that would depend on where they are located and how much gas they use, my biggest gas bill this winter has been $25. Some areas don't need much heat to keep a house comfortable. They could get better bang/buck insulating, using more efficient lighting etc.

imbatman said:   if its a 50 yo furnace was probably @60% effiency. Replacement today to 80% FUE would result in around a 2-4 year payback on the energy bill alone. In the short term repair is cheaper, but long term replacement (5 years or less) may be the more cost effective solution.

I know this comment wasn't directed at me, but with my relatives' 30-year-old furnace that I mentioned above, several reputable firms said that the part that broke was so expensive that it would be best to replace the whole thing, and I believed them, since the furnace sounded like it practically exploded when it died (I was told by the owner). The old furnace had had a 60% efficiency rating (when it was new; who knows what it was at these days), and the new one has a 96% efficiency rating. The gas company will give them a $150 credit on their account for installing an energy-efficient furnace, and there is something they can get off of next year's federal taxes as well. Their monthly gas bills are supposed to be noticably cheaper (obviously it's too early to see since it's only been a week), the house is now much cleaner due to less soot being pumped up through the vents (according to the female), and the house is now kept at a constant temperature because the old furnace would heat for 20 minutes then be off for half an hour, resulting in an 8 degree variation, but the new one keeps it within 0.5 degree of the set temperature. Also, my relatives could have spent $25 and gotten a programmable thermostat (and it's what I agreed with the guy whose quote we accepted), but when the furnace was delivered they told the guy that they wanted the cheapo thermostat which is not programmable because they couldn't understand how the complicated one worked. If they had gone with a programmable thermostat and had actually used it as those things are recommended to be used, apparently they could have saved a bit more each month, like $5 more. They live in an area that has bad winters, and their house is old and isn't perfectly insulated, so heating costs are a big chunk of their monthly utility expenditure. Without getting my thoughts on it, they spent extra for an insurance policy on parts and labor for the next 10 years, and while that may or may not have been prudent (I don't know the details of the plan, but I probably would not have chosen to do it myself), that gives them a great deal of peace of mind, and they are of advanced age so they feel this will see them through the time that they have left.

Thanks to the OP for coming back and updating the thread about the outcome.

She has a lot in retirement account. Use that. Many dont have IRA/401k.

kenblakely said:   donotdrinkPBR said:   StevenColorado said:   Doesn't she get child support for the 14 yo?LOL. Third line of the original post.Um ... No. Alimony != child support. Don't be stupid.My mistake. Thanks for not being a jerk.

donotdrinkPBR said:   kenblakely said:   donotdrinkPBR said:   StevenColorado said:   Doesn't she get child support for the 14 yo?LOL. Third line of the original post.Um ... No. Alimony != child support. Don't be stupid.My mistake. Thanks for not being a jerk.

LOL. Some posters act like they think everybody on FW has been married & divorced at some point. Until you get burned by alimony/child support, I'd think it's perfectly normal to be oblivious to it. Isn't everybody oblivious when they're getting married then they have perfect hindsight after the divorce?

So am I a terrible person that as soon as I stopped having a direct personal monetary stake in this (the $3500 she wanted to borrow) I basically just backed off?

protomenace said:   So am I a terrible person that as soon as I stopped having a direct personal monetary stake in this (the $3500 she wanted to borrow) I basically just backed off?

She'll just think you're being an a-hole for trying to make her change. I've gone through this with my parents.


Slightly OT, but that phone bill. Man, it makes me want to barf when I think about how much my phone bill is, but I can't imagining paying roughly a week's worth on income after taxes for my phone bill. Like, she could cancel her cell phone and take one week off each month and still be in the same financial situation.

protomenace said:   So am I a terrible person that as soon as I stopped having a direct personal monetary stake in this (the $3500 she wanted to borrow) I basically just backed off?


- What does your conscience tell you to do? Sounds like you feel a bit guilty at the moment (since you asked the above question).


- What do you think you could do (that would genuinely help them), given your mom's personality and mindset, and given yours?


- Now that it's not an urgent issue (from your side, anyway), you have time to figure out a light-touch, effective approach, if you do want to try to help educate them and guide them.


- It may be the case that if there is another surprising, medium-to-large expense (and these crop up all the time - car repairs, emergency healthcare expenses, etc.) in the short- or medium-term future, your mom might need to turn to you again for a loan. So this issue may not have completely exited your life.

I have had success giving specific, targeted advice. "I just switched carriers and my mobile phone bill went from $100 to $45. It was really easy. If you're interested, I can send you the link."

That way it seems like you're sharing a deal rather than playing financial nanny.

Al3xK said:   Until you get burned by alimony/child support, I'd think it's perfectly normal to be oblivious to it.


Sadly, the "burn" in these situations can be suffered by both men and women - and nearly always by their children.

protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


Excellent ending, sometimes it does help to get involved when service people are trying to make a quick sale.

.

She's an adult and should be responsible for her own decisions. Let it be...


JTausTX said:   Al3xK said:   Pics?

Here you go:

http://www.greentechheating.com/green-tech-gallery/3/images/old-...


This looks like a Dalek

StevenColorado said:   donotdrinkPBR said:   StevenColorado said:   Doesn't she get child support for the 14 yo?LOL. Third line of the original post.

That's not how I read it. The third line says she lives with OP's 14 yo sister.

When he listed her known sources of income, he listed $2500/month alimony, but no child support.


That might be a tax issue--move money from his higher bracket to her lower bracket.

protomenace said:   Update:

Ok so I got involved with the "repair process", a.k.a. a repairman convincing my mother that she needed a replacement unit. The guy was completely ripping her off. We were able to get the gas company to come repair the unit for under $200. So now she doesn't need to borrow any money from me.


For a 22 year old, your financial acumen is pretty bad-ass I must say.

I'd suggest what some call "future vision". Hey, Mom -- what would you like your 60's and 70's to look like? You've done a great job juggling these cards for a while... my friends at FWF have some further tricks you might want to explore if you'd like your next few decades to look brighter. You know I'm always here to help you out. You probably want to help yourself out too. (Notice there was no "but" in the statement. Very important to not use "but").

If she invites you in, great. If not, rinse and repeat in 6 months.

Also, see my recent thread that turned into a bit of a discussion of communicating with different personality and money types. I learned a lot from people's advice. http://www.fatwallet.com/forums/finance/1259542/

DB

bigmammal said:   protomenace said:   Some background info first:
- She has $7,000 in credit card debt
my mom is starting on a slippery slope, doesn't seem too worried about it and I want to help her. Any advice?


Here's my advice: don't be greedy and pay all her debts. She gave up on a lot of opportunities to raise you, you'd be nothing without her. And now has to enter the workforce disadvantaged, so you owe her big time. Seriously, don't be like Hitler, give her everything she asks for.


I personally can't stand the rationale you posted above. Children have no CHOICE about being brought into the world. Once their parents brings them into the world, it is the parents' absolutely duty to provide for them as best they can. The child should of course be respectful (if the parents treat him or her with respect), and should be thankful if said parents go above-and-beyond to provide for them, but there shouldn't just be blanket love/respect/monetary compensation because someone had sex and gave birth to you. /rant off

protomenace said:   wateristasty said:   You're not going to get your mother to change. Just accept her as is.

The thing is, before this my mother was always extremely financially responsible. While they were still married, she never once carried a CC balance, and instilled this concept in me. I think this is just a recent change.


Or your dad was the financial head of household because your mom couldn't control her spending or was just not a smart money manager and dad kept her on that straight and narrow.

Her outlook on CC's and overpaying on phones is not what a person with a lifelong understanding or concern of money does.

Attempting to think you have an intimate understanding of your parents relationship shows how little you understand relationships.



Disclaimer: By providing links to other sites, FatWallet.com does not guarantee, approve or endorse the information or products available at these sites, nor does a link indicate any association with or endorsement by the linked site to FatWallet.com.

Thanks for visiting FatWallet.com. Join for free to remove this ad.

TRUSTe online privacy certification

While FatWallet makes every effort to post correct information, offers are subject to change without notice.
Some exclusions may apply based upon merchant policies.
© 1999-2014