Financial acumen in a spouse

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lostjake said:   Don't Deny past results.
lol, don't also ignore famous words to investors/potential investors "Past results are not indicative of future performance."

Is sounds to me like you wouldn't be here questioning this if you really truly believed she was the one for you. Since you seem focused on the long term and obviously aren't looking at this as just a fling then you are probably answering your own questions already.

If you really think you are ready for the next stage with her, you could sit down and have a logical discussion about finances. The question is whether she understands the situation she puts herself (and will put you in). Does she really think money grows on trees? Or does she just not think about it at all? If she isn't just after your money she wont' be adverse to a discussion about your concerns.

At 30 - it is unlikely you will change her and your description doesn't come across as someone really in love.
If you just want to have fun - continue to do so. You're only 25. My guess is within another year or so you will have seen all her true colors and the answer will be made crystal clear.

Quikboy4 said:   Oh yeah, and ain't nothing wrong with older women!MILFs are like fine wine. They get better with age. Giggity! Giggity!

I think it's entirely possible that it hasn't even crossed her mind that she isn't doing well financially and that she needs to get her act together. She might actually be receptive to change, but you won't know until you sit down and talk to her. Just don't stick your foot in your mouth by coming across like a pompous douche who's doing her a favor by sticking around to see if she'll change into something that better suits your idea of a marriage-material partner. Just saying. You might have the very best intentions, but the way you express them matters. Think very carefully about what you'll say to her.

vaderzak said:   harruin said:   Yeah, she is not even close to a financial wreck and I'm surprised everyone is saying she's completely hopeless. 30 is not even close to a hopelessness stage, and the OP just doesn't seem to realize how far ahead he is. If you think this is damaged goods, look at girls your own age who probably have $30,000 in student loans, $8000 on credit cards, and no job.

There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who is also ahead, though it will reduce the number of long term candidates.

I agree, but this doesn't seem to be a case of just reckless spending. She has a car she probably shouldn't have, but other than that I don't see anything that suggests she's incapable of spending less.

Females, especially one that is infatuated with you, can be suprisingly open to significant change; they just don't know it.

In my experience, having a sit down talk is counterproductive, just drop subtle hints regularly about your lifestyle. Bring it up casually on a regular basis, but don't do it like a douche. If she really listens to you, before you know it, she will be picking up on your lifestyle.

okashiraaa said:   Females, especially one that is infatuated with you, can be suprisingly open to significant change; they just don't know it.

In my experience, having a sit down talk is counterproductive, just drop subtle hints regularly about your lifestyle. Bring it up casually on a regular basis, but don't do it like a douche. If she really listens to you, before you know it, she will be picking up on your lifestyle.



Expanding on this, it's my understanding that women like to take an interest in their man's hobbies. If you do go the hinting route, it may be possible to open up your finances and involve her in how you make your decisions, so that you teach her using yourself as an example rather than her. This allows you to point out what you do right and why it's right without the focus being on her and what she's doing wrong. As an example, if you included her in your decision to change your insurance deductible you could talk about why that is the best choice. This also allows you to see how defensive she may be about her own preconceptions. If she doesn't believe/agree with you and refuses to give in when explaining your financials, what hope can their be when looking at hers where she may take it as an attack. Also, if she see's your financials and how well you're doing and you can show her it's because of wise spending she may be able to see the opportunities this would open for her, and may want you to teach her more, i know I would.

30 years old is not ancient but it makes for a tight time frame if you want 2-3 years for her to mature and still have time for kid(s). The female body absolutely changes at 35 thereby diminishing the odds of natural (read less money and less stress) conception.

Also if you're buddy fell for basically the same honey trap but ended up being happier divorced... I say learn from his mistake rather than repeat it and forfeit all your sound financial behaviors.

Whoa. You are already looking to change her. Are you even in a relationship yet?

That sounds like a nightmare already.

Why not just buy her a house and save yourself the trouble?

See if she has a sister that is more level headed.

vaderzak said:   okashiraaa said:   Females, especially one that is infatuated with you, can be suprisingly open to significant change; they just don't know it.

In my experience, having a sit down talk is counterproductive, just drop subtle hints regularly about your lifestyle. Bring it up casually on a regular basis, but don't do it like a douche. If she really listens to you, before you know it, she will be picking up on your lifestyle.



Expanding on this, it's my understanding that women like to take an interest in their man's hobbies. If you do go the hinting route, it may be possible to open up your finances and involve her in how you make your decisions, so that you teach her using yourself as an example rather than her. This allows you to point out what you do right and why it's right without the focus being on her and what she's doing wrong. As an example, if you included her in your decision to change your insurance deductible you could talk about why that is the best choice. This also allows you to see how defensive she may be about her own preconceptions. If she doesn't believe/agree with you and refuses to give in when explaining your financials, what hope can their be when looking at hers where she may take it as an attack. Also, if she see's your financials and how well you're doing and you can show her it's because of wise spending she may be able to see the opportunities this would open for her, and may want you to teach her more, i know I would.


At the same time, do you want to be the one who is constantly spending less and or trying to work overtime more in order to balance out a spendthrift? That's unsustainable, and you can't just wait around for her to change. I think finances are an integral part of a relationship, and something you should *ABSOLUTELY* discuss now.

InTrouble said:   CptSavAHo said:   My wife was a financial train wreck. Overdrafted all the time, no idea how to manage her credit score, couldn't get a credit card or car loan etc etc but pretty much zero debt. We worked on it a couple pieces at a time, credit score first and bank balances second. Made her budget for each month and follow up on it. We talked about money from a priority of spending it format, picking the most important things and leaving some room for fun. We fought a few times over it. Now she has a higher credit score than I do (not sure how), has done a couple app-o-rama, no issues with the bank, and controls her spending pretty well. It was critical for her not just for our relationship but for her career as a minister she really had to learn to micromanage small finances. The only really hard part is her family, they are always financially screwed and constantly spending whatever they have on things they don't need then barely making rent. We agreed to put aside $1300 (at the time the highest rent any in-law had) to loan out. We would loan out only what got paid back. Smartest decision ever, now when they ask for money we can just say we agreed to loan, it never got paid back, and now we have no more money to loan. $1300 probably got us off on the cheap side too.

Captain Save-a-Ho, your wife is a MINISTER? You must have saved her something serious!


Heh, its an old joke from college. Got asked to leave my fraternity cause I couldn't stand the take the passed out girls upstairs thing. They called me Captain Kirk, said I need to stop being Captain Save A Ho. Nickname stuck.

But, my high school and college friends are also equally amazed I'm married to a minister.

harruin said:   Yeah, she is not even close to a financial wreck and I'm surprised everyone is saying she's completely hopeless. 30 is not even close to a hopelessness stage, and the OP just doesn't seem to realize how far ahead he is. If you think this is damaged goods, look at girls your own age who probably have $30,000 in student loans, $8000 on credit cards, and no job.

OP never said anything one way or the other about student debt or CC debt. still awaiting that update.

ETA: awaiting an update regarding her debt as confirmed by a current CR.

If she does not have the acumen or the common sense to understand basic things in life, she is not going to care later in life either. If we were talking about an 20 year old, there was a chance she could change and that she was just enjoying life right now, but at 30, half your life is gone and if you still don't know what are you going to do with it, you will remain a sugar daddy for her all her life and like somebody said, please don't have kids!

Pre nup

Don't compare your GF to the average fatwalleter else you will never find anyone that measures up. The fact that see has an above average paying job and no debt means she is ahead of most people.

Making $40K a year with no assets and having a lot of insurance is a waste. That is almost judgement proof

I plan on telling my children to look for agreement/likability in 4 areas in a partner:
1. Money
2. Children
3. Religion (or lack thereof)
4. In-laws

Unless she is a person who can entrust her earnings and expense management to you, the situation sounds like a recipe for disaster.

historystudy said:   
Specifically, I'm looking for experiences on the financial aspect with a spouse:
1. Should both people already be aligned prior to marriage on their approach to finances/saving/etc.? YES. Every successful couple I know is on the same page regarding financial acumen.
Did this turn into a bigger issue later on for those who did not address it before marriage? YES. I know couples who are married who are constantly arguing about one spouse not having wallet/purse control.
2. Has anyone successfully helped a spouse improve their situation, or is that normally a lost cause? (Teaching them to save, etc.) LOST CAUSE. Spouses don't like to be told how to spend money; just leads to more arguing and resentment until it all blows up, literally or metaphorically.


OP, don't marry her. Just enjoy the ride, and then one day say you're incompatible and walk away. Why buy the cow when she'll stop giving milk some day? Milk all you can right now.

secstate said:   b0mbrman said:   
Sigh. I hate to admit, but I was thinking along the same lines. I'm not proud to admit it, but whenever I hear that a woman in a relationship is this bad at managing finances, I assume she's very attractive.


I would not make that assumption, my brother's ex-wife who is a huge spendthrift is far from attractive physically, personality-wise nor is she particularly intelligent. God knows why he married her, my dad warned him that money issues would destroy the marriage, and it did. My brother has been slowly digging himself out the hole that he made.


Wow, she must have been able to suck the chrome off a bumper.

When you plan to get married, your goals should be very well aligned. If they're not, the unhappiness will build slowly and result in a lot of trouble down the line. That does not mean you have to agree on everything perfectly. If one of you wants two kids, and the other three, that something can you should be able to work out. If one wants no children while the other wants several, that may become an issue.

People can change, but not too much. When I met my fiancee, she only had 1 or 2 credit cards which didn't give her that much in points. She'll probably never play the FW game (e.g., sign up bonuses, etc...), but she didn't need much encouragement to sign up for better cash-back cards. Which I'm completely fine with - the more important thing for me is that she is frugal, is willing to take my advice on which credit cards to use (with a maximum number of cards that she'll carry), and we very easily found a compromise that makes both of us happy.

Having someone completely change his or her spending patterns though, I think, is going to be much more difficult, and can easily devolve into a situation where one person resents the other. If you follow this route, tread carefully.

Would she be the type to let you take care of the fiscal side of things and then she just lives on the budget? Or would she overspend the budget? If she is the type to let you take care of the fiscal side while she is responsible for others of the family chores then well this could be great. If she spends money as retail therapy or can not get behind any saving for future then she is not for you. That said it is not typical for folks to forgo all pleasure to save 100K or more by 25. So you are one extreme of the bell curve and she sounds in like the 40% of teh bell curve. So you need to be able to move some to to there being some fun money. Some people are ok with saving on most stuff as long as can splurge occasionally (I'm that way I coupons and save and try hard not to spend but yes occasionally I induldge. But that means I have no debt except house and my house mainly paid off and a nice savings for retiring early and a boat but then again I'm 37)

Don't get married.

My spouse was exactly as you describe. We've been married 10 years. My approach was to maintain separate accounts. At first, her paychecks went to her debt and her "mad money" with not much left over. It didn't matter because I always wanted to base our living standards on my income. Slowly over the years I introduced the concept of shared bills. First with the phone bill, then with the light bill, then groceries etc etc until now she pays about half the household expenses.

She watched my habits and without me complaining to much, she slowly picked them up.

After 10 years of marriage, she is debt free, and manages her money as well as I do for the most part.

Btw her credit score is higher than mine(both 800+). I've never had a so much as a late payment. She had a 10000 charge off 2 years before we met. Go figure.

Is she on the pill or whatever without insurance?

megatard said:   She's older and a financial wreck, so why are you still interested in here? Either she's hot, or you're happy to have someone, anyone, interested in you. Ok. You're not going to change her, so accept that now. You don't have to marry her -- marriage is increasingly becoming an antiquated device in these modern times. If you have children with her, you will love them and care for them just as much whether the two of you are married or not. If the partnership ends, it will be so much less messy if you were never married. And given the mismatch in financial acument, it WILL be messy. So do the smart thing, co-habitate without complicating it with "marriage". (YMMV in states with common law marriages)

Whether they officially get married, or get married by a religious ceremony is moot. Most states have "common in law" marriage rules that after certain period of co-habitation (some are as short as 1 year), they are considered married, and should theiy split, they will still have to go through a "divorce" to split assets and libailities.

blueiedgod said:   megatard said:   She's older and a financial wreck, so why are you still interested in here? Either she's hot, or you're happy to have someone, anyone, interested in you. Ok. You're not going to change her, so accept that now. You don't have to marry her -- marriage is increasingly becoming an antiquated device in these modern times. If you have children with her, you will love them and care for them just as much whether the two of you are married or not. If the partnership ends, it will be so much less messy if you were never married. And given the mismatch in financial acument, it WILL be messy. So do the smart thing, co-habitate without complicating it with "marriage". (YMMV in states with common law marriages)

Whether they officially get married, or get married by a religious ceremony is moot. Most states have "common in law" marriage rules that after certain period of co-habitation (some are as short as 1 year), they are considered married, and should theiy split, they will still have to go through a "divorce" to split assets and libailities.


First, it's some states.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_S...

Second, you have to do more than just live together.

Speaking from a pervious experience, I say split now, before it is too late and costs you too much.

As someone who has made a misfortune of thinking with the other head, I can tell you it will not change.

My ex was/is a spender. Her logic is that "I work hard, I should be able to spend it"

Before she moved in with me (I already owned the house), after we got engaged, we sat down and talked finances. She would have to contribute to the expenses, half the mortgage, half the bills, groceries, ect.

We agreed that we would pay half of the bill out of our respective accounts. I insisted we kept separate accounts until we are married. Which turned out a good thing.

Everything was honky dory for about 6 months, and then I get a late change from one of the utility bills. I look up, and only half of the bill was paid on time, and hers was never paid. I asked her, and she non-chalantly said that she did not have the money to pay it. My next question was why not tell me? She had no answer.

Everything was good for another few months, and then half of the mortgage was not paid. Again, she simply did not have the money, and did not tell me.

After about a year and a half of this, I decided that she was not the one for me, and decided that we needed to part ways. She wanted me to pay her back the mortgage payments that she did make, to which I basically told her she would have never been able to find a place live like our house for what she was paying, and since her name was not on the mortgage, she can pound sand.

She nevr returned the ring, and pawned it for like $600. But, it was a small cost to pay to get rid of her.

Met my now wife, what a difference. Aside from the fact that she is 7 years younger, she is fiscally responsible. How many 25 year olds do you know who have $20,000 saved up from just few years of working? I didn't know how much she had saved up, until later, but her spending habits were/are in-line with mine. And she was not making much when we met. But, lived modestly.

Because we are both thrifty, her paycheck pretty much goes into savings, and we use that money for investments. Since we have been together, we have been able to move into a much bigger house (because of the children, mostly for the school district and comfort), have been able to purchase investment properties that generate a healthy return, and will most likely retain and grown in value.

And it is not like we are skimping on things, we live in a really good neighborhood, in a decent sized home (3,000ft) that we got a for a steal, because we held our ground and were not emotionally attached to it, have decent cars, healthy retirement accounts, healthy savings (enough to live off should either one lose our jobs), very good investments that just go into savings and are used for more investments.

So, I say, dump her now, you will never change her.

Do you know how women make men into millionaires?



They marry billionaires!

To me it boils down to is the person who is being average (basically paycheck to paycheck, no saving etc etc) because that's what "average" people do and is ignorant or does the person know better & continues acting like a fool?

If the person knows they're being stupid & continues to do so, bail. If the person knows "Hey, I suck at this, help me" proceed with caution as always.

My situation: I was in much better shape than my spouse, she knows it's a strength of mine and weakness of hers so she's happy to get on board with whatever (getting the best deals, CB%, savings etc) like others posted.

stanolshefski said:   blueiedgod said:   megatard said:   She's older and a financial wreck, so why are you still interested in here? Either she's hot, or you're happy to have someone, anyone, interested in you. Ok. You're not going to change her, so accept that now. You don't have to marry her -- marriage is increasingly becoming an antiquated device in these modern times. If you have children with her, you will love them and care for them just as much whether the two of you are married or not. If the partnership ends, it will be so much less messy if you were never married. And given the mismatch in financial acument, it WILL be messy. So do the smart thing, co-habitate without complicating it with "marriage". (YMMV in states with common law marriages)

Whether they officially get married, or get married by a religious ceremony is moot. Most states have "common in law" marriage rules that after certain period of co-habitation (some are as short as 1 year), they are considered married, and should theiy split, they will still have to go through a "divorce" to split assets and libailities.


First, it's some states.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_S...

Second, you have to do more than just live together.


It's funny how that wiki starts:

"Common-law marriage in the United States can still be contracted in nine states"

Contracted, like a disease. I wonder if that was intentional.

I ran into my hot Asian former neighbor / baby sitter a few months back (Picture Winnie from the Wonder Years). She's a few years older than me, ran into her out at a bar. She's divorced, recently single and looking to mingle. I always had a thing for her, anyway I digress.

Upon talking to her, she is just like the lady the OP describes (New Lexus, no savings, no 401k, etc).. She told me she makes 2800 a month and her bills are 3400. Anyway, I don't really have a point to the story other than she went from potential GF to Poundtown material after I learned that.

I don't want to change her, Just going to have fun with her from now on.

Minoritydan said:   Anyway, I don't really have a point to the story other than she went from potential GF to Poundtown material after I learned that.

condomjungle.com coupon code: TOM

This thread reminds me of a buddy of mine who works for the government and is getting sequestered or otherwise losing 20% of his pay off the top. His wife is a teacher now. She didn't work for the first few years of the marriage, then she goes to work as a teacher, quits after 3 years because she is "tired" stays at home for a year, goes back to work and buys a 50k luxury midsize SUV. When she quit, they talked about it, he tried to get her to stick it out until the winter break to prepare, but 3 days later he gets a notice in the mail saying she quit. When the couple talks about the sequester and the need to cut back, what does she do? Without consulting him, she goes out and trades her 50k SUV in which they only owed 30k on for another 50k SUV because it was a granny car according to her.

I know I would be frustrated as hell. He is otherwise doing all the right things, investing, has insurance, college fund, paying down his mortgage, etc...Pics or no pics, that sort of stuff makes you ugly.

bullcity said:   What's more important is how strongly she holds her view that money is for spending. My husband has little to no involvement in the household finances, but he happily adjusts to live within budgets I set (cars, house, monthly spending), trusting me to plan for the future. I check in with him and let him know what I'm doing and we discuss mutual goals, and I do the financial planning to achieve those goals. And he occasionally will buy into a credit card deal for me.

If you pursue the relationship, it's a good idea to live with this person before marriage.

Thanks for posting this - it was very insightful. The issue, as you say, might not be in the willingness to manage money, but rather just not having any guidance on the planning. Maybe being told the budgets works very well in those circumstances.

jedblanks said:   My spouse was exactly as you describe. We've been married 10 years. My approach was to maintain separate accounts. At first, her paychecks went to her debt and her "mad money" with not much left over. It didn't matter because I always wanted to base our living standards on my income. Slowly over the years I introduced the concept of shared bills. First with the phone bill, then with the light bill, then groceries etc etc until now she pays about half the household expenses.

She watched my habits and without me complaining to much, she slowly picked them up.

After 10 years of marriage, she is debt free, and manages her money as well as I do for the most part.

Btw her credit score is higher than mine(both 800+). I've never had a so much as a late payment. She had a 10000 charge off 2 years before we met. Go figure.

You have the patience of a monk. I figure that given time, she will adapt, but as you point it out, it can take years.

As an update to everyone... we actually broke things off. It was led by her, however we had both been expressing some frustration with other things.

To address questions/comments from others:
1. Age gap - Yes, I was fully aware she was 30, and that there could be a clock ticking, etc. I think I've always naturally preferred people a few years elder to me, because I generally find them to be a little more mature than most my age. I had some events in my teens that helped me grow up faster than others.

2. Her looks and money - I'd say that yes, she was out of my league, no doubt about it. In our time together, she was normally paying for half of everything, though it likely ended up 60/40, but the point is that when it came to shared expenses, she was pretty good about it despite my occasional insistence that I take care of it. I think this came about because of her desire to be independent rather than anything else.

3. blueiedgod & codename47 - I feel like the situations you both described have a lot in common with mine. Regarding the surprises you described, the SUV incident and sharing bills... I've definitely gotten a few surprises. At one point, I knew she was moving to a new apartment, but I never asked for too much detail. She told me what side of town it was on and it's actually a really nice side of town. Turned out, she was moving to Section 8 housing, because her roommate became the manager of some of those properties, and was offered free housing for both of them over there. The GF thinks she doesn't judge people or anything, so she looked aside any safety issues there, and never mentioned it to me until a few days before she was supposed to move. I quickly said it wasn't safe, but they didn't care. I realize it was her choice on where to live, but I went ahead and looked up the nearby sex offenders and crime reports, put it all together into a PDF, and they didn't seem to care. Their decision was not really based on rational considerations, but just the feeling that if they move into a bad place, they will be able to help them out and change their lives. There were other surprises in our time together, but the point was that I don't think she thinks as far ahead as me, or through things as much as me, and that means it's tough for us to discuss items. I cared about her and so I felt like I should have a say, but I didn't, and maybe I have to learn that.

Any case... it's over now. I don't think she's matured to the same point as most 30 year olds would have, probably largely because of where she came from (another country) and because women do not get the chance to make their own decisions for a lot in life there. It probably means that it'll be another 5-10 years before she'd be at the point of what I'm interested in.

I don't think I'm generally interested in "turnaround" situations - business and in life. I'd prefer someone who already has their life figured out and is level headed, with finances just being 1 portion, so that when we develop a love/relationship over time, it is in a place where it can flourish. I may love a person, but if it means major struggles in life because we weren't able to reach some basic agreements on how to plan for the future, I'm not so sure the relationship will really get to flourish.

dblevitan said:   When you plan to get married, your goals should be very well aligned. If they're not, the unhappiness will build slowly and result in a lot of trouble down the line. That does not mean you have to agree on everything perfectly. If one of you wants two kids, and the other three, that something can you should be able to work out. If one wants no children while the other wants several, that may become an issue.

People can change, but not too much. When I met my fiancee, she only had 1 or 2 credit cards which didn't give her that much in points. She'll probably never play the FW game (e.g., sign up bonuses, etc...), but she didn't need much encouragement to sign up for better cash-back cards. Which I'm completely fine with - the more important thing for me is that she is frugal, is willing to take my advice on which credit cards to use (with a maximum number of cards that she'll carry), and we very easily found a compromise that makes both of us happy.

Having someone completely change his or her spending patterns though, I think, is going to be much more difficult, and can easily devolve into a situation where one person resents the other. If you follow this route, tread carefully.

I see what you're saying. Your fiancee already had good principles and stayed far away from CC trouble. They don't have to browse FWF and be monitoring credit card deals, timing their churns, etc. to have a good financial base. This probably approaches the "hobbyist" level that others prefer to devote to other activities.

Thanks for the input.

TheDragonn said:   vaderzak said:   okashiraaa said:   Females, especially one that is infatuated with you, can be suprisingly open to significant change; they just don't know it.

In my experience, having a sit down talk is counterproductive, just drop subtle hints regularly about your lifestyle. Bring it up casually on a regular basis, but don't do it like a douche. If she really listens to you, before you know it, she will be picking up on your lifestyle.



Expanding on this, it's my understanding that women like to take an interest in their man's hobbies. If you do go the hinting route, it may be possible to open up your finances and involve her in how you make your decisions, so that you teach her using yourself as an example rather than her. This allows you to point out what you do right and why it's right without the focus being on her and what she's doing wrong. As an example, if you included her in your decision to change your insurance deductible you could talk about why that is the best choice. This also allows you to see how defensive she may be about her own preconceptions. If she doesn't believe/agree with you and refuses to give in when explaining your financials, what hope can their be when looking at hers where she may take it as an attack. Also, if she see's your financials and how well you're doing and you can show her it's because of wise spending she may be able to see the opportunities this would open for her, and may want you to teach her more, i know I would.


At the same time, do you want to be the one who is constantly spending less and or trying to work overtime more in order to balance out a spendthrift? That's unsustainable, and you can't just wait around for her to change. I think finances are an integral part of a relationship, and something you should *ABSOLUTELY* discuss now.

That is the crux of the issue that would probably arise in the future - my goals are very different from her in life and will require me to be saving money. For shared expenses, especially if there were kids in the future, I'd have the odds against me on how we spend money on the kids. She would likely control that, and I'd feel like any money I earn is being spent by her, and I'm not being given an opportunity to save for my own future goals.

vaderzak said:   okashiraaa said:   Females, especially one that is infatuated with you, can be suprisingly open to significant change; they just don't know it.

In my experience, having a sit down talk is counterproductive, just drop subtle hints regularly about your lifestyle. Bring it up casually on a regular basis, but don't do it like a douche. If she really listens to you, before you know it, she will be picking up on your lifestyle.



Expanding on this, it's my understanding that women like to take an interest in their man's hobbies. If you do go the hinting route, it may be possible to open up your finances and involve her in how you make your decisions, so that you teach her using yourself as an example rather than her. This allows you to point out what you do right and why it's right without the focus being on her and what she's doing wrong. As an example, if you included her in your decision to change your insurance deductible you could talk about why that is the best choice. This also allows you to see how defensive she may be about her own preconceptions. If she doesn't believe/agree with you and refuses to give in when explaining your financials, what hope can their be when looking at hers where she may take it as an attack. Also, if she see's your financials and how well you're doing and you can show her it's because of wise spending she may be able to see the opportunities this would open for her, and may want you to teach her more, i know I would.

I think it was the opposite for me and her. I took an interest in her activities, but definitely not the other way around.



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