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My XGF and I bought a property as joint owners and the mortgage is in both our names. For the last 2 months, she has refused to make half the mortgage payments and I am being stuck paying the mortgage on my own (which I cannot afford in the long term). I am also hesitating making repairs or renting the property without her agreement. What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?

Thanks!

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My XGF and I bought a property as joint owners and the mortgage is in both our names. For the last 2 months, she has refused to make half the mortgage payments and I am being stuck paying the mortgage on my own (which I cannot afford in the long term). I am also hesitating making repairs or renting the property without her agreement. What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?

Thanks!
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Preserved for when nexttime someone ask about buying property with GF/BF.
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Things can go wrong when you make your bed partner your financial partner.


-delzy

in the spirit of valentines day....



pics?

tom4201 said: My XGF and I bought a property as joint owners and the mortgage is in both our names. For the last 2 months, she has refused to make half the mortgage payments and I am being stuck paying the mortgage on my own (which I cannot afford in the long term). I am also hesitating making repairs or renting the property without her agreement. What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?

Thanks!


Don't play house until you're married, Then if you have this problem, a judge will help you through it.

advice: do not trust the opposite sex

delzy said: tom4201 said: My XGF and I bought a property as joint owners and the mortgage is in both our names. For the last 2 months, she has refused to make half the mortgage payments and I am being stuck paying the mortgage on my own (which I cannot afford in the long term). I am also hesitating making repairs or renting the property without her agreement. What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?

Thanks!


Don't play house until you're married, Then if you have this problem, a judge will help you through it.



QFT...This whole not getting married thing is silly.

Your basically up the creek. Even if you were married, you would still be up the creek. Only difference is a judge would be involved to help shove the paddle up your woohoo.
Call her up and tell her that you are going to quit paying on the place and that her credit will take a huge hit. If she doesn't care? then let it go back or try to sell it.

Let this be a lesson, even when you get married. Keep your business to yourself.

From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.

OP, I think this is the wrong place to be asking this type of question. You should consult an attorney who specializes in these matters in order to find out what options you have, if any. On the other hand, if you want to hear disillusioned people speak about how awful marriage is, or women are -- on Valentine's Day yet! -- then it appears that you're in the right thread after all.

tom4201 said: My XGF and I bought a property as joint owners and the mortgage is in both our names. For the last 2 months, she has refused to make half the mortgage payments and I am being stuck paying the mortgage on my own (which I cannot afford in the long term). I am also hesitating making repairs or renting the property without her agreement. What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?

Thanks!

A key issue is whether she has the money and/or income to pay her half. Another key issue is whether she has good credit and a desire to keep it. The answers to those questions can make it an entirely different kind of problem.

vaylon said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Not sure what tax breaks you're talking about. Married filing jointly for some fjarked up reason often wind up paying more than the same people filing separately.

marketingmike said: vaylon said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Not sure what tax breaks you're talking about. Married filing jointly for some fjarked up reason wind up paying more than the same people filing separately.


PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.


From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Gosh I feel sorry for you.

PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.

Easy enough to change back. Click on 'my account', then click 'preferences'...

marketingmike said: marketingmike said: vaylon said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Not sure what tax breaks you're talking about. Married filing jointly for some fjarked up reason wind up paying more than the same people filing separately.


PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.
go into your user preferences and change your account to the old look

theman2 said: go into your user preferences and change your account to the old look
Thanks. I dont know what they did; it does not seem to have any more features and it much crappier

WalStMonky said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Gosh I feel sorry for you.

PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.

Easy enough to change back. Click on 'my account', then click 'preferences'...

Except that you have to sign in in order to see the "classic" look -- at least for me. IMO, this preference should be saved, regardless of the sign in status.

Edit: Now fixed. If you're not signed in, the page header now as has a toggle between Classic view and Modern view.

tom4201 said: What can I do to force her to either pay the mortgage or give up her share of the property to me?


OP, is she still living in the house? If not, then you're asking her to pay half your mortgage for a place she's not even living at, while she needs to afford rent as well. In this case, she may be amenable to signing a quit claim deed. You may have to cough up something to compensate her for her equity, but IMHO it'll be well worth it.

If she is still living at your house while not paying, you've got another situation altogether.

glxpass said: WalStMonky said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Gosh I feel sorry for you.

PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.

Easy enough to change back. Click on 'my account', then click 'preferences'...

Except that you have to sign in in order to see the "classic" look -- at least for me. IMO, this preference should be saved, regardless of the sign in status.


Maybe they're running out of bandwidth and are trying to keep new people away? If so, the new layout is a good start.

With a mortgage like this, is there any way to prevent your credit rating from taking a hit if she doesn't pay her half, other than by paying her half?

tom4201 said: My Partner Refuses to Pay Half the Mortgage. Please Help!
Ok, give me her number, I'll take care of it.

WalStMonky said:

PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.

Easy enough to change back. Click on 'my account', then click 'preferences'...


Thanks. Fixed now.

WalStMonky said:
From a males standpoint , I really don't see any reason to get married in the first place. Except for a few tax breaks, the good doesn't outweigh the bad.


Gosh I feel sorry for you.

PS. I FJARKING HATE the new board design.

Easy enough to change back. Click on 'my account', then click 'preferences'...


thanks for tip.

treasurebeacon said: advice: do not trust the opposite sex

I'm all in favor for the recruitment of males to the other team... Leaves more available females for the rest of us!


OP - I have a friend in the same situation. After a lawyer consult, basically his only option is to buy her out and refinance without her name on the mortgage. Or sell and give her half. And she hasn't paid anything the entire time, so you're actually better off. Not a good situation to ever get into, as you now know, but hindsight is 20/20...

You really need legal help. Do you live there? Does she? Are you talking about this. You have to communicate. If she can't pay and you can't afford the place then you will have to rent it (a real pain) or sell it (may also be a real pain and a money looser depending on market where you are/ammount owed/sales costs) otherwise the pain may be for a long time credit wise.

Talk it out. See what options are available. Usually lenders (now) won't refi in your name only if you can't afford the loan.

Situations like this happen, married or not. Working together you can both come out fine. Maybe poorer but wiser.

How much equity do you have in the house? Who is living there currently? Where do you live? When did you buy the house? How much is the mortgage?

These answers could affect the type of advice that you get...

Go to this thread in the FatWallet forum in order to provide feedback about the "Modern" version versus the "Classic" version of FatWallet. I know this post is OT for this thread, but it's actually more pertinent to FatWallet than this thread is.

larrymoencurly said: With a mortgage like this, is there any way to prevent your credit rating from taking a hit if she doesn't pay her half, other than by paying her half?Sell the place.

You need to see a lawyer, one that specializes in financial workouts for debtors. Typically this sort of attorney will also specialize in representing debtors in bankruptcy proceedings, so you can probably find one in the yellow pages (if you do not have any other, more reliable source of referral) in the section for bankruptcy attorneys. Generally speaking, it will cost you at least a $500 or $1,000 retainer, maybe more, to hire an attorney to do anything on your behalf. You could probably pay just a consult fee to obtain advice but not active representation by the attorney for anywhere from $75 to $300 or so. People in tight circumstances, such as those who will not be able to afford a mortgage payment, usually balk at such an expenditure, but in terms of presently assisting you, preserving your credit and preserving your mental health, it is money very well spent. If it would be too much for you, you need to swallow some pride and go ask your parents or some other relative for help with the legal fees.

As for the "if she's not living there, why should she have to pay?" question, the reason is that she signed a purchase loan backed up by a mortage that names the two of you as joint obligees on the loan and is not subject to or contingent upon any relationship between the two of you, short of the death of one of the two of you. If you are in default, the lender can come after one or both of you. Even if it is entirely the fault of your ex, the lender can still foreclose on the house and if you are not able to cure the default in some way, the result will be that both of your credit histories will be damaged, if not nearly wrecked. It may not be as simple as having her sign a quit claim deed - that may very well trigger a default provision in your loan.

Hopefully your relationship with your ex did not deteriorate so badly that you are not on speaking terms. You should explain to her that you want to try to resolve the situtation as quickly, fairly and painlessly as you can, which will likely involve selling the house. Explain to her that you are not able to pay the mortgage by yourself and that if she is not willing to pay her share of the mortgage for the next several months (hopefully) until you sell the house, your loan will become delinquent and then in default, which will have a major negative impact on both of your credit records. Ask her if she wants to have to pay 25% interest next time she wants to buy a car or have to wait at least several years, if not the better part of a decade, before her credit rating can improve enough for her to be approved for another mortgage. Tell her you understand how tight things are financially for her, but to make this situation go away as responsibly and easily as possible, she will need to come up with her half of the mortgage payment until the house sells. Encourage her to talk to parents or other relatives about a loan.

If you have a friend with housing needs, you may want to see about taking him or her on as a paying roommate for the next few months.

I don't think your situation would be much different if you were married, except then you might be subject to a divorce court order permitting her to live there and requiring you to pay most of the mortgage. At the very least, do go consult with a lawyer. I am not an expert in this field and you need one to guide you through this. Even if all you do is work things out between you as discussed in the paragraph above, you will have substantial peace of mind by getting an attorney's advice on your circumstances.

Good luck.

Heck I am married and don't plan on buying a house.

corkher in the rear she'll come too...

larrymoencurly said: With a mortgage like this, is there any way to prevent your credit rating from taking a hit if she doesn't pay her half, other than by paying her half?

Unlikely. It's like having two signatures on a car note. You're both 100% liable for the note.

The tough part is that he's not going to be able to sell without the XGF's partisipation.

You could pop her in small claims for a few of the mortgage payments and see how she wants to play it from there.. You could also default and the default would screw both of you.

My advise would be to get her off the note - that probably means refi. If you can't refi by yourself, I hope you have some equity / appreciation - then you can sell and get both of you out of the situation.


No equity, no appreciation, and can't refi? Decide what hurts worse: Taking the huge credit hit on a default OR continuing to pony up on the home. If you continue to pony up, you need to seek a legally binding, written agreement with her that she gives up any and all current/future equity... Perhaps you could afford it with a roommate?

Make her your girlfriend again. She will be happy to pay half.
XGF? I thought you had a deal with a video card or something

Thanks guys!

Whether she lives in the house or not is not my problem (she is not occupying the property), I just cannot afford to pay $3,200 a month plus utilities. I am actually willing to sell or rent the property, she is against. I am willing to sell her my share, she would not buy it. I am willing to rent her my share, she would not rent it from me. She just wants to take over the property without compensating me a penny for the equity. I just want her to pay half the mortgage as agreed.

Can I file a complaint in court to force her to pay half the mortgage since she can afford it? She owns half of the property and she is the primary borrower, I cannot understand how she can just refuse to pay what she owes...

Cheers!

Until you corker out back she'll buck like a horse. You need to play RODEO..

tom4201 said: Thanks guys!

Whether she lives in the house or not is not my problem (she is not occupying the property), I just cannot afford to pay $3,200 a month plus utilities. I am actually willing to sell or rent the property, she is against. I am willing to sell her my share, she would not buy it. I am willing to rent her my share, she would not rent it from me. She just wants to take over the property without compensating me a penny for the equity. I just want her to pay half the mortgage as agreed.

Can I file a complaint in court to force her to pay half the mortgage since she can afford it? She owns half of the property and she is the primary borrower, I cannot understand how she can just refuse to pay what she owes...

Cheers!



This is a different story than you told us previously: It sounds like she wants to pay the entire mortgage, and for you to sign away your equity. If she wants you to pay the entire mortgage while she keeps the house, that's obviously unfair. If she wants you to sign away your equity, then you'll have to negotiate with her. If she wants you to just walk away, do so and then sue her for half when she sells the house

tom4201 said: She just wants to take over the property without compensating me a penny for the equity. I just want her to pay half the mortgage as agreed.

Can I file a complaint in court to force her to pay half the mortgage since she can afford it? She owns half of the property and she is the primary borrower, I cannot understand how she can just refuse to pay what she owes...
Why does she want to take over the property if she does not live there? Do you live there?

No, there is not a court in the land that can force her to pay half the mortgage. You might be able to get a judgment against her if you sued her, but you'd have to convince a judge that you two had an agreement of who would pay what.

Another thing to consider is that you have a high mortgage amount, and after a few months of her not paying her half, you're going to be outside of small claims court limits, so you'll need to hire an attorney to go after her. You're already at $3,200 worth of damages from the last two months... the clock is ticking.

If it were me, I would tell her that I'm not making another payment until we can reach a written agreement regarding how to proceed. Then, I would make sure that the mortgage servicer has her current address on file, and I would fail to make the March payment. She'll get the delinquency notice, and if she's got two brain cells to her name, she'll give you a call.

Sure, you'll wind up getting dinged with a late fee, but it's a small price to pay to get the dialog started. It won't hit your credit report until it's 30 days late. You can decide sometime before the end of March whether or not you care (you can always pay up inside of that 30 days). Even a 30 day late on your credit report isn't the end of the world. You're in a big pickle right now, and you need to give your ex a reason to come to the negotiating table.

Once you've got a written agreement in hand of what your plans are to dispose of the property/equity/whatever, then you can haul her butt into court if she violates the agreement. Right now, I can't see how you'd win a case against her, because she never agreed to do anything for you.

P.S. Doing a little mental calculus, I'm getting that you purchased a house worth upwards of a half million dollars with a girlfriend. I guess I don't have to tell you now what a huge mistake that was. Good luck!

Also should point out thread title is misleading. It should be Ex-Partner

tom4201 said: Thanks guys!

Whether she lives in the house or not is not my problem (she is not occupying the property), I just cannot afford to pay $3,200 a month plus utilities. I am actually willing to sell or rent the property, she is against. I am willing to sell her my share, she would not buy it. I am willing to rent her my share, she would not rent it from me. She just wants to take over the property without compensating me a penny for the equity. I just want her to pay half the mortgage as agreed.

Can I file a complaint in court to force her to pay half the mortgage since she can afford it? She owns half of the property and she is the primary borrower, I cannot understand how she can just refuse to pay what she owes...

Cheers!


So, she wants to "take over" the property? Does that mean she is willing to pay the full mortgage payment herself if you move out and she moves in?

Depending on how long you've been there and what the current value of the house is, that might be your best option. You want to be compensated for your share of the equity--that's fair, but first we need to know if there is any equity in the house right now.

As for refusing to pay "what she owes", she doesn't legally owe YOU anything. She is liable for the mortgage, but since you are paying that every month, you are paying it for her. If she has the money and decent credit, you might try having the mortgage company send the bills to her address, and let her know that since you paid the last 2 months in full, you won't be making any payments for the next 2 months*. She gets to decide whether to ruin both of your credit and lose the house over this. At this point you might be able to convince her to pay you something to buy you out of the house.

*Don't try this if you think she is sufficiently ticked off at you to be willing to kill her own credit to take yours out.

RedHotLama said: Also should point out thread title is misleading. It should be Ex-Partner
It sounds like OP is confused in more than one way. I'm trying to guess what kind of mansion I would live in for $38,400 per year. Any way, OP's former bed-partner and current home-ownership-partner seems like maybe she's the one in the right. He seems a little spooky to me.

OP, how much equity is in the house? Is it upside-down? Maybe she found a new sugar-daddy to fill that hole you left behind. If she is willing to refi you off of the mortgage with or without her new man, you should hurry that along as the appraised value is probably sinking month by month.

If you think you are going to use "the house" to get her back, you are delusional. Your story seemed to change pretty significantly from the first post to your most recent. I'd bet dollars to donuts you are the one who is still trying to hang on and this house thing is just a ruse.

If it were me, I'd give her 1 month to come to closing on buying me out and if not, I'd walk. I guess I'm a little jaded because I just can't imagine throwing $50k-60k into my sticks and bricks each year.

tom4201 said: Whether she lives in the house or not is not my problem (she is not occupying the property), I just cannot afford to pay $3,200 a month plus utilities. I am actually willing to sell or rent the property, she is against. I am willing to sell her my share, she would not buy it. I am willing to rent her my share, she would not rent it from me. She just wants to take over the property without compensating me a penny for the equity. I just want her to pay half the mortgage as agreed.There is definately more to the story...I'm guessing ol' Tom got caught feeding a meter down the street and his girlfriend walked. She's playing hardball, and Tom is out of his league! How close am I?

delzy said: RedHotLama said: Also should point out thread title is misleading. It should be Ex-Partner
It sounds like OP is confused in more than one way. I'm trying to guess what kind of mansion I would live in for $38,400 per year. Any way, OP's former bed-partner and current home-ownership-partner seems like maybe she's the one in the right. He seems a little spooky to me.

OP, how much equity is in the house? Is it upside-down? Maybe she found a new sugar-daddy to fill that hole you left behind. If she is willing to refi you off of the mortgage with or without her new man, you should hurry that along as the appraised value is probably sinking month by month.

If you think you are going to use "the house" to get her back, you are delusional. Your story seemed to change pretty significantly from the first post to your most recent. I'd bet dollars to donuts you are the one who is still trying to hang on and this house thing is just a ruse.

If it were me, I'd give her 1 month to come to closing on buying me out and if not, I'd walk. I guess I'm a little jaded because I just can't imagine throwing $50k-60k into my sticks and bricks each year.


Are you suggesting that I should walk away after I threw already more than $40,000 between the downpayment, closing costs and mortgage payments in as little as 3 months? I am not trying to hang on, I just want her to pay her share of the mortgage until the market picks up and the property is sold. The bank appraisal value is above what we paid for. Plus, I think the market has reached a bottom.

Skipping 17 Messages...
delzy said: RedHotLama said: Also should point out thread title is misleading. It should be Ex-Partner
It sounds like OP is confused in more than one way. I'm trying to guess what kind of mansion I would live in for $38,400 per year. Any way, OP's former bed-partner and current home-ownership-partner seems like maybe she's the one in the right. He seems a little spooky to me.

OP, how much equity is in the house? Is it upside-down? Maybe she found a new sugar-daddy to fill that hole you left behind. If she is willing to refi you off of the mortgage with or without her new man, you should hurry that along as the appraised value is probably sinking month by month.

If you think you are going to use "the house" to get her back, you are delusional. Your story seemed to change pretty significantly from the first post to your most recent. I'd bet dollars to donuts you are the one who is still trying to hang on and this house thing is just a ruse.

If it were me, I'd give her 1 month to come to closing on buying me out and if not, I'd walk. I guess I'm a little jaded because I just can't imagine throwing $50k-60k into my sticks and bricks each year.


Wow, make assumptions much? Are you next going to claim that, based on the posts in this thread, you think he was also abusive and a cross-dresser?

You know, I think Tom has some regrets about his decisions with this house and if he had a chance to do things over again, he might have done them quite differently. I think he has arrived at this conclusion without the need for anyone in this thread to rub his nose in his mistakes. He came here for advice, not for people to pass judgment on him about things he can no longer change or undo.

Tom, if you cannot afford to pay a $3,200/mo. mortgage, how do you plan to pay that sum plus the extra amount your payments on the home equity loan will cost you if you were to buy her her out from this house?

No one likes to lose money. However, if you are to resolve this situation in the near future, unless you happen to luck upon several buyers who love the house and start a bidding war over it, odds are pretty high that you will lose some money on it. Preserving your credit record and keeping your mental health certainly should have a pretty high value to you. If your lender forecloses on the property because neither of you can agree on how to deal with your situation, you likely will have lost all of your equity in the property, plus have a judgment against you for any shortfall and you will have lost your credit worthiness. Taking $5-10,000 less on the house than you paid for it a few months ago makes more sense than to lose the house in a foreclosure.

You need to approach this with your ex as an attempt to arrive at a mutually agreeable business arrangement that is to both of your advantages to work this out as sensibly and quickly as possible.



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