Well I had fun today. First, I got a six point speeding ticket knocked down two a two point general infraction with the local prosecutor, who was cordial but not the slightest bit helpful, and had a wickedly unattractive bossy personality. Maybe it was real, or maybe it was just the typical authoritative local village-town prosecutor throwing weight around because of sadness or anger over a going-nowhere still stuck prosecuting traffic violations dead-end career lawyerly bitterness. Then the judge was in a wonderful mood and knocked everyone's two point plea bargain down to a parking ticket and issued a $150 fine. It was one of the few times I've ever referred to a traffic judge as "your honor." Usually I just answer yes or no to all their questions, and occasionally I'll add a Sir or Ma'am if I'm in a good mood, but usually I don't, because I feel so dirty afterwards, showing respect to someone who most likely doesn't deserve any. Then I went to the payment window, and the real fun began. When I passed six $25 rolls of dollar coins under the bulletproof glass, I was told, "the fine is $150." Me: Yes, each roll is $25. Clerk: {mumbles under her breath and takes the coins, leaving five on the counter on her side of the glass and taking one into a back room} Clerk, upon returning: You have to take these and exchange them for dollar bills. I don't have time for this today. We can't count them here. Me: They're rolled by the U.S. mint, and have you heard of the coinage act of 1965? Clerk: The what? Me: The coinage act of 1965. Clerk: The bookkeeper says we can't take them. I don't have time for this today. Here are your coins. {tries to push five rolls back under the glass, but I wouldn't take them} Would you like to speak with the supervisor? Me: There are only five rolls here, but yeah, sure, that will be fine, I'll be happy to speak to the supervisor. {clerk walks away} {Clerk comes back, takes the five rolls still sitting there, and sits down at her desk to open the rolls and count them} 35 minutes later: Clerk: Sir, the fine assessed is $150, but you gave me only $125 in coins. Me: Ma'am, I gave you six rolls of $25 each. There must be another roll somewhere. Clerk: I counted them twice. Me: I'm positive I gave you six rolls. Clerk: {as she's walking away, mumbles} What do you think I stuffed one in my pocket? Me: Ma'am, I'm didn't accuse anyone of doing anything. I only said there's an additional roll somewhere. {clerk rummages around her desk, into the back room, out again, then proceeds to process some unrelated materials, and sulks A LOT} Another 15-20 minutes later: {clerk shoves a receipt for $150 paid under the glass without saying a word and has the most bitter, angry scowl on her face and walks away} Me, smiling: Thank you very much {giggle} My father, sarcastically: Have a nice day! TOTALLY TRUE STORY, every bit of it. In fact, there was a security camera pointed directly at the small metal dish under the glass where the money is passed, and one of the cops who was in charge of the metal detector (who was quite a hard-ass himself) actually mentioned that he saw me bring in six rolls. As it turned out, the clerk gave in rather quickly, but I was prepared to stand there with a smile on my face, making small talk with whoever would listen, for several more hours if needed. And I would have pressed the issue of having the security tape reviewed, but it didn't come to that. I think the cops in the front probably didn't like this particular clerk, because one of them mentioned that she was going to have to re-roll the coins after counting them, and the other cop laughed when he heard that. The whole reason I was able to pull this off is because I was cordial, polite, calm, and respectful the entire time. I just know the clerk was trying to break my will by getting me to either lose my temper and do something stupid to get arrested, or lose my patience and give her an extra $25 that she would have then pocketed. This entire experience was most satisfying, since this was one of many local courts in this area where a sign is posted in the clerk's office: "We did not fail to plan ahead. We did not break the law. We did not write the ticket. And so we will not take any abuse!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU FAT WALLET! For fun and profit! Wooooooooooooooooooo! | 
