Ahhh, weddings. This is probably my favorite money wasting topics of all time. I could probably type an infinte amount about what a waste of money weddings are. So, I'll try to keep this brief.

I'm being totally serious when I say this... if you can't talk her down from a 25K ring and 45K wedding, then don't get married. If she can't be level headed about the wedding, that's an awful precedent for spending the rest of your lives together.

If you are going to buy a ring, the "name brand" store thing doesn't make any sense at all. All rings come with the same certifications. Plus, you can get it appraised afterwards. So it doesn't matter where it comes from. Like one of the previous posters said, go cheap on the quality of the ring (color, clarity, cut) and go big on the size. Unless she's a jewelry expert, she'll never know.

I just don't understand the theory behind big weddings. Everyone pays an arm and a leg for the same 4 hour party, the same cheesy wedding DJ, the same bossy photographer, the same "Electric Slide", the same "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," etc... and you're no more married than 2 people that go to the courthouse.

I propose we add this to the Finance FAQ under Commonly Asked Questions:

13. Q: My spouse/significant other wants to spend $X on Y, which seems essential to their happiness, and which I think is a waste of good money. Can you (FWF) tell me if I'm off-base here, or tell me what I should do?
A: This is a relationship question, not a question for a finance forum whose members are devoted to saving and making money. If you can't resolve this issue between yourselves, then seek marriage/premarital/relationship counseling.

Edit: if we can't add this to the Finance FAQ, then start a forum category for this type of thread, a category that we can choose to ignore.

Dump her,

unless you like having a demanding,
financially insatiable
child-woman
running your life
until you get the nerve to divorce her.

Some guys like that - to each his own.

katx said:lydiachang said:Why is she insisting on these two things? How are her finances otherwise? Is she normally a big spender? Does she have credit card debt? ......



I think the above comments are very wise.

...

After I wrote the above, I noticed the name of the poster that I was agreeing with. Then I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode where George's mother thought she was getting advise from a Chinese woman but indeed the woman was white and only had a Chinese last name. When she found that out, she thought she was cheated. .......hilarious!!!!!

My wife and I paid for the wedding, 50/50. If she's worth it, and if she thinks you're worth it, you guys can make compromises. i.e. She wanted the brand name (Tiffany) ring. I spent the money on a bigger/nicer rock for probably half the price, and custom made the band to look exactly like the Tiffany one.

I know friends with wives who demanded the expensive rings because they're competitive with other women. If you don't agree with those values, you'll only run into troubles in the future. Talk about future finances before you think about wedding. It'll save marriages!!!

Wedding Spending:
Rings ~$9,000
Wedding ~$30,000
Honeymoon ~$2,500 (Bora Bora)

Money made from wedding:
$18,000

Current ring's value after appreciation:
$11,000

Oh, and on the wedding invitation, we asked for CASH. (You can make it funny, say you're registered at Bank of America/Wells Fargo.) I don't see why people say it's such a taboo. All our friends and relatives didn't mind! Saved time on shopping for them too!

Just my $0.02.

Edit: Oh, and I had a blast at our wedding! I plan on having only ONE in my life time, so to us, it was money well spent. You can't take it all with you, right?

antang said:...I plan on having only ONE in my life timeIsn't that what most people plan, but alas, there's many a slip twixt cup and lip!

run away! you can thank me later

this story has the title "divorce in 1 yr" written on it.

Here is a nice opportunity to measure her worth. You plan an impromptu trip to Vegas. Bring your "life savings" with you. Pik a nice place where you wouldn't mind staying again and go gamble hard there. Make sure you join the players' club and be rated playing high stakes craps w/ 10x odds. You just bet pass/no pass with full odds (look it up if you don't know the game). You should be able to wager a couple hundred thousand over time with a house vig of only about 1%. Don't be afraid to lose $20k-$30k. You are getting ready to lose a whole lot more and will look back on this as CHEAP!! Anyway, the host at the casino will have a new best friend. You will have standing offers to comp rooms and air fare if you are a little lucky. Now this is where it gets a little funky.

Stop at a bank on the way out of town and get a safety deposit box to store your money in. Put all but about $8-$10k in the box. When you get home, make the big confession: "I was trying to win enough money to pay off your student loans, the wedding and your ring, but I left all my money in Vegas but this." Throw her a bank envelope. She'll say, "You lost it all but this." To which you answer, "I was up and down and made over $200k in wagers. I finally gave up and this is all I have left."

Give her a couple months to stew and if the wedding is still on, you've got a keeper. Otherwise, you can at least go to Vegas for free a few times care of the friendly casino where you gambled.

You see, your big mistake was letting her know how much savings you had before you married her. Don't make that mistake next time. And if you think she's good at spoiling herself, just wait until she starts spoiling her kids. The first time you say no, you'll be cut off in the bedroom. The second time you say no, she'll call a lawyer. That's just what love means to someone with those kind of values.

delzy said:Here is a nice opportunity to measure her worth. You plan an impromptu trip to Vegas. Bring your "life savings" with you. Pik a nice place where you wouldn't mind staying again and go gamble hard there. Make sure you join the players' club and be rated playing high stakes craps w/ 10x odds. You just bet pass/no pass with full odds (look it up if you don't know the game). You should be able to wager a couple hundred thousand over time with a house vig of only about 1%. Don't be afraid to lose $20k-$30k. You are getting ready to lose a whole lot more and will look back on this as CHEAP!! Anyway, the host at the casino will have a new best friend. You will have standing offers to comp rooms and air fare if you are a little lucky. Now this is where it gets a little funky.

Stop at a bank on the way out of town and get a safety deposit box to store your money in. Put all but about $8-$10k in the box. When you get home, make the big confession: "I was trying to win enough money to pay off your student loans, the wedding and your ring, but I left all my money in Vegas but this." Throw her a bank envelope. She'll say, "You lost it all but this." To which you answer, "I was up and down and made over $200k in wagers. I finally gave up and this is all I have left."

Give her a couple months to stew and if the wedding is still on, you've got a keeper. Otherwise, you can at least go to Vegas for free a few times care of the friendly casino where you gambled.

You see, your big mistake was letting her know how much savings you had before you married her. Don't make that mistake next time. And if you think she's good at spoiling herself, just wait until she starts spoiling her kids. The first time you say no, you'll be cut off in the bedroom. The second time you say no, she'll call a lawyer. That's just what love means to someone with those kind of values.

Agreed, you want a woman to marry who doesn't know how much money you have in the bank. I have quite a bit myself and my girl has even seen it for a second looking over my shoulder as I have been on the computer. I simply told her it was all owed to an AOR I did and I was unable to spend any of it and had to pay it back in a few months. She treated me as Mr. money bags for about two seconds before I put her in check, I now make sure that money is not an issue in our relationship by making sure we go dutch on about 80% of the things we do and big expenses are definitely one of those things. Man up or kiss her goodbye. It may be hard after already being one person, but she must know how financially savvy you are by this point.

Your soon-to-be has an awful lot of debt and this is going to get you in trouble when she decides she wants to be a stay at home mom for the rest of her life. Marry someone that is not going to spend all of her, or your, free money splurging. I see that as not having respect for money and the work it takes to earn it because whether you spend it right away, or wait a while before you do, it will all end up in the closet on shoes racks and hangers leaving you out to dry. Pre-nup or nothing for this one. Also tell her the official way to hold a wedding is for her parents to pay, so what ever they are willing to shell out is fine with you. As for the ring, good luck convincing princess that you ain't buying brand name shit if it is put in a pretty box and sold at a discount.