BlueEyesAustinTexas said:If she's the custodial parent then she determines how the child support is used. Period, end of story.

A little hint--thinking about this situation in this way is a sure fire guarantee to ensure that he has the worst possible relationship with this girlfriend. Does she, for example, have any idea he does NOT intend to make an honest woman out of her and propose?

Apparently she has stated she does not want to get married until after the baby arrives. My friend was too upset for me to interrogate him about what that meant -- but I know their relationship is rocky to say the least.

Are you Dan? Your username suggests you are Dan.

Ask Dan to form a trust with the kid being the beneficiary. Ask Dan to put all of his assets in that trust before marriage. Ask Dan to sign an appropriate pre-nuptial.

DealOManiac said:Are you Dan? Your username suggests you are Dan.

No. I chose "devastated2" in homage to the original "devastated"... I'm glad as hell I'm not in either one's shoes.

Rather than cry, Dan should be celebrating. To be able to bring a baby into this world will fill his life with so much love, it will easily conquer all the FW BS. Congratulations are in order, I would throw a baby shower.

I'm sorry if I'm about to ramble/rant but people like Dan piss me the hell off. We're not in the 1800s where there was no condom as such, no morning after pill, no spermicide, no pill/patch, no IUDs. Obviously dan had to have been happy with the relationship to be having sex with his girlfriend without a condom for a while. And if he did regularly use a condom, and this was his first time not, well, looks like he just lost a pretty bad gamble (1 egg, like 50 million sperm) and now when the inevitable outcome has arrived. Dans running around like a little b*tch saying what do I do, what do I do? I'll tell you dan should do, grow a pair, and accept the fact he's going to be a father and try to love the kid. Aint nothing worse for a kid than a father that doesn't love him. Are we all so obsessed with money that we forget that there's a life at stake here? So she has a spending problem, big deal, at least its not as big a problem as dans nature of taking adverse risk with little to no gain. Financially speaking, 20 grand may seem like a lot but its not and I'll explain to you why. She's pregnant and she's in debt in a recession, just call up all the cc compnaies and tell them straight up, listen, I'm not married, I've got a temp job, and I got pregnant, I would like to pay this debt, can you please settle with me. under these circumstances, I'd say they might even settle for 25% of the debt which turns out to be 5 grand which dan can then pay off. She can teach dan about this new invention called the freaking condom, and he can show her the magical world of debit cards. Wow, I saved the day again :-P

-sorry if there are any typos or it doesn't make sense, I'm typing on my phone.

How about the hail mary?
http://www.blowmeuptom.com/leykis-or-not/comments.php?DiscussionID=15

I suggest financial counseling for her. Hope for him. Many babies spontaneously abort in the 1st trimester.

Well - not sure what state you're in but most have pretty basic rules on child support that are based on the income and means of the parents. If he wants to make sure the child is well cared for he should attempt to gain custody at least 50% of the time as soon as is practical. Then child support isn't an issue, he gets to be a dad to the child and can bring it up to be more responsible than either of its parents.

I know bareback feels good and all but condoms have a great return on investment...

If he wants to make sure the child support goes to the kid he needs to be the custodial parent. If she is truly a mess then that might be teh best thing for the kid anyway. No matter what at this point the best thing is to try and be the father he needs to be and that means being the custodial parent perhaps. But he needs to maintain at least a cordial relationship with his baby moma because she is in his life forever now. Fiscally and emotionally he is responsible for this kid. So the best option is to think about the long term
Options
1. If momma was not bad fiscally woudl he love her and want to marry her? If so they should get married and he shoudl take over the finances
2. If not married would he be a better parent or her? If him he needs to set himself up to be the custodial parent. That means a lawyer now and setting himself up in a good position to argue this