Jonn said:So, in a year, Dan's status should change to 'PhD graduate'.
Why couldn't 'Jane's status change to 'financially responsible' in that time too?
They need to talk and discuss their hopes and fears together and maybe with their own parents too, since family is mentioned in the original post.

It sounds like his probable choices are to live separately and pay child support (avoiding a common-law marriage situation) or to marry and pay child support that way. It seems like they both have already made a choice, but are afraid of the consequences. Get the fear out of the way--another choice: either live in fear or work to improve your situation. It sounds like he knows how to work on a PhD...

Maybe there could be some financial protection of his assets through a pre-nuptial agreement (or whatever it would be called in this case), so that her creditors would not be able to attach his finances, even if/when they marry. Dan should check with some wise counsel(s), probably some that he and Jane both can choose to trust, and find out what options are available. This sounds the like a question that could be on a Suze Orman program (see suzeorman.com).

Even if the path is hard, it will be easier to enjoy with the fears quelled.

I hope they do well.

Common-law marriages are pretty much non-existant anymore. There are very few states that acknowledge them.. I recall there being a list in another thread (god only knows which one) but you can Google to see if that's a concern.

green14 said:Jonn said:So, in a year, Dan's status should change to 'PhD graduate'.
Why couldn't 'Jane's status change to 'financially responsible' in that time too?
They need to talk and discuss their hopes and fears together and maybe with their own parents too, since family is mentioned in the original post.

It sounds like his probable choices are to live separately and pay child support (avoiding a common-law marriage situation) or to marry and pay child support that way. It seems like they both have already made a choice, but are afraid of the consequences. Get the fear out of the way--another choice: either live in fear or work to improve your situation. It sounds like he knows how to work on a PhD...

Maybe there could be some financial protection of his assets through a pre-nuptial agreement (or whatever it would be called in this case), so that her creditors would not be able to attach his finances, even if/when they marry. Dan should check with some wise counsel(s), probably some that he and Jane both can choose to trust, and find out what options are available. This sounds the like a question that could be on a Suze Orman program (see suzeorman.com).

Even if the path is hard, it will be easier to enjoy with the fears quelled.

I hope they do well.

Common-law marriages are pretty much non-existant anymore. There are very few states that acknowledge them.. I recall there being a list in another thread (god only knows which one) but you can Google to see if that's a concern.Common law marriages exist in: Alabama, Colorado, DC, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah.

I guess it's not shocking that there has been so many "sack up and marry her" posts... that is just the absolute worst idea I could imagine giving somebody.

THE WORST. Marriage is ridiculously hard when you want to stay with somebody and bend over backwards to get through the trials and tribulations of life.

You tell your boy to go talk to an attorney. He's on the hook for child support and he's paying that for the next 18 years. She may very well cash that check each month and pay Visa with it. NOTHING you can do about it unfortunately, especially if he doesn't want custody.

Getting married to a chick he doesn't love or have any desire to spend his life with is a sure fire way to get divorced and be on the hook for alimony and her getting half of his bank account.

Sorry for your buddy, but this story is as old as the hills. Do not let him compound his troubles by marrying a woman because of a kid.

nycll said:After all he kind of earned it.
That hasn't been established yet.There isn't a DNA test but the smart money is that Dan is the dad.

"Longer version: one of my friends, whom I'll call Dan and whom I've known for >12 years since college, came into my office this afternoon almost in tears and told me that his girlfriend just announced that she's 5 weeks pregnant. "

Dan thinks it is his and he is no idiot.

Sure he's getting his PhD...but that doesn't mean you don't know if she banged some guy on a whim who was tending to her horse(s). The guy is always the last to know when a chic cheats on him....not to mention the "waiting to get married until she has the kid" seems TOTALLY against religion and being married when the kid comes....at least that's what most women want.

Just a LOT of oddities around this whole thing. So, you get your PhD, if you don't marry her....and you get a job in another state....what kind of dad is that?? just paying child support. Doesn't seem a fair life for the kid either. "Rocky" relationship *could* be b/c he's about to get his PhD and she thinks he'll leave her in podunk rural-town, USA...who knows....I'm sure "Dan" likes how hot she looks in all the clothes she buys too....well, guess she'll go further in debt w/ buying maternity clothes now too....

<sidenote>
It's a real cop-out when someone asks a guy if he believes in abortion...when no matter what he thinks, it doesn't matter...b/c it only matters what the woman thinks/believes about it...I've yet to meet a guy able to change a chics mind, as in gf/bf situations, they've already cried for days w/ their gf's and deteremined what's going to happen before even telling the guy she's preggo.
</sidenote>

On another note....a person I know got pg from a guy she was very casually dating...

She told him, he wanted her to abort, she did not want to...so he didn't speak to her the entire pg....she went into labor and called him...he decided to go to the birth, of what turned out to be his son.

They do one week Mom, one week Dad, the boy is now 8, Dad provides health insurance for the boy through his job, and no money exchanges hands.

Its one of the most amicable arrangements Ive seen.

Being a parent can be a good thing. Planned or not.

Does anyone realize how offensive this is? A chronologically adult male cries tears and whines to his male friend because a woman he's been intimate with for almost 12 months is pregnant and said adult male doesn't want to marry her? Maybe that should have been kept a private conversation. And then this male friend, presumable also a chronologically adult male, posts these details and other private information about the now-pregnant woman in a public forum?

Don't any of you have sisters, female cousins, aunts, nieces or mothers?

This topic is offensive and the moderators should remove it from the Financial thread.

ns7hs said:Does anyone realize how offensive this is? A chronologically adult male cries tears and whines to his male friend because a woman he's been intimate with for almost 12 months is pregnant and said adult male doesn't want to marry her? Maybe that should have been kept a private conversation. And then this male friend, presumable also a chronologically adult male, posts these details and other private information about the now-pregnant woman in a public forum?

Don't any of you have sisters, female cousins, aunts, nieces or mothers?

This topic is offensive and the moderators should remove it from the Financial thread.

Lighten up Francis.
Private information huh? Did I miss the post where real names, locations, those pesky details needed to connect this story to living, breathing people were mentioned??
I'd say the mods should remove (or lock) it simply due to the fact OP hasn't posted an update in the last 10 or so pages (unless I missed that too).
/oh, and welcome to the internet

Is this the girlfriend, and if yes, what's going on tomorrow - (posted on one of the local freecycle forums I subscribe to):

wanted:: Posative Pregnancy test in north chicago

i need a posative pregnancy test, name brand prefered if you have the box that too i can pick up as early as TONIGHT! I need it by wednesday the laytest thanx

Poor Dan. Let start a collection plate for him. Hopefully things get better. Hey, on the bright side if it his, then free kids. MJ paid to have his. But a pat test should be done, who know how many guys maybe involved. But they should get married.