Always wear a condom. Oh wait, too late for that...

a) baby may miscarry, if there is a baby there at all (girl could be trying to extort a ring from your friend)
b) if baby shows up, it deserves to be cared for, financially and otherwise
b1) your friend needs to decide whether he wants to participate only financially, or in some additional way
b2) there is NO realistic option for your friend to walk away from the financial obligation he has incurred
c) marrying someone he doesn't want to be with because she happens to be pregnant is the definition of throwing good money after bad

If this isn't a troll, good luck to your friend.

devastated2 said:BlueEyesAustinTexas said:If she's the custodial parent then she determines how the child support is used. Period, end of story.

A little hint--thinking about this situation in this way is a sure fire guarantee to ensure that he has the worst possible relationship with this girlfriend. Does she, for example, have any idea he does NOT intend to make an honest woman out of her and propose?

Apparently she has stated she does not want to get married until after the baby arrives. My friend was too upset for me to interrogate him about what that meant -- but I know their relationship is rocky to say the least.

Probably means she wants to wait until she gets her figure back before having her $20K+ wedding.

Ouch, OP and Dan. I'm really sorry.

He should play hardball with the baby momma. Drop the bomb. Tell her straight up he has absolutely no plans of marrying her, and that he knows ways to get out of paying child support. He should then tell her that he will cover any abortion expense, and explain that its best for her to not be weighed down as a single mom with no good means of support. Convince her its the best option, and that he'll be there to support her in this.

Lie through your teeth if you have to. (at least I believe) the best option is to not have a kid right now, for either one of them. Its not too late to take care of that.

Also, to people saying for him to pay off her 20k debt and enable her to rack up some more cc bills, just leave FWF and go back to hot deals, mmmkay?

devastated2 said:They've been going out for a little over a year, and I know that Dan never saw himself in a long term relationship with her...I'm having trouble with this part. He's around thirty years old, dating a woman over a year, sleeping with her, and didn't see himself in a long term relationship? What is all that supposed to mean?

So a young single woman spends all her money on clothes. What's so unusual about that? This guy needs to nut up and be a man.

I went through something similar about 19 years ago. Although not financially irresponsible, my ex-girlfriend let me know she was pregnant about two months after we had broken up ( one of many previous breakups). At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened to me, because at 37 and already dating someone else, I had no great desire to become a father. We tried one last time to make it work, but it was not meant to be. However, after a difficult initial year or so, we both agreed to put our daughter first and actually became friends. She eventually married someone else and I am an extended part of their family. I just paid my last child support check this month since she just graduated high school and now I will also be voluntarily paying a portion of her college expenses.

In retrospect, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sure there were some difficult times, but she has added immensely to my life and I am very proud of her. Tell your friend not to just look at this from a financial aspect. Be a part of his child's life (although she lived about 90 minutes away my daughter spent almost every other w/e and many vacations with me starting when she was nine months old) and he may experience rewards that more than outweigh the financial aspect.

scrouds said:He should play hardball with the baby momma. Drop the bomb. Tell her straight up he has absolutely no plans of marrying her, and that he knows ways to get out of paying child support. He should then tell her that he will cover any abortion expense, and explain that its best for her to not be weighed down as a single mom with no good means of support. Convince her its the best option, and that he'll be there to support her in this.

Lie through your teeth if you have to. (at least I believe) the best option is to not have a kid right now, for either one of them. Its not too late to take care of that.

Happened to a close buddy of mine. Same situation, and looked as dire as the OP. She lived out of state, but he flew out and was ruthless to her. To this day, best decision he ever made. He just lectured her, and was very firm. He took her to get the abortion, and paid for it.. it all was smooth.

Oh, and the chick was supposedly on the pill...but she was lying. Friend found out she hasn't taken them for weeks.

Don't forget. This is FWF. What kind of response do you expect? Marriage, keeping the baby would not be in the best financial interest for OP. Aggregate cost of baby alone could be $1MM over life of the child. Throw in marriage to financially irresponsible wife, and you can double or triple that.

If all else fails.. get her to to give up the kid to the state. You can drop babies off at hospitals no questions asked in many states, or put it up for adoption formally.

If you choose adoption, You can interview potential parents, and take your time. The prenatal care will be nothing compared to keeping it. Have to make sure she doesn't change her mind. When the baby is delivered, you can put the adoptive parents on the birth certificate, so there's no record of you having the kid.

Don't understand all the red.. Must be the morning crowd. OP should have posted this for the late night H&B crowd.

This is not 1955. Why are so many people even thinking about suggesting marriage at this point? If that is a possibility down the line, why not work on the relationship(s) for a few years, first? Religious family or not.

devastated2 said:Apparently she has stated she does not want to get married until after the baby arrives.
Maybe she wants to have a paternity test to establish the real father first. Obviously, a marriage here will (almost) never work. Hubby will be bitter about the circumstances; wifey upset that "loving" hubby not willing to waste money on her wardrobe. Child suffers.

I'd advise "your friend" to offer to pay off her $20k debt in exchange for "doing the right thing" for the 3 persons involved. It's that simple.

tell Dan to suck it up...

He did not want to have a long term relationship with this girl.. but was willing to sleep with her as long as he could...(they have been going out for a year...) and is now surprised that she is pregnant...

Just how long does it take to figure out that someone is not right for you? is that at the very least not dishonest on his part...