Hi everybody. My fiance' and I are in the process of figuring out how to merge our lives and it is definitely trickier the second time around. My son and I will be moving 100 miles away to my fiance's area. I am looking at a job transfer that should happen early next spring. Our problem is how to buy a house!

It looks like my son (11) will have to finish the school year here, staying with his dad, which is an emotional hit since I've always been the primary caregiver. The thing is, transfer opportunities are few and far between so I can't wait until next summer, which might have solved some problems.

The real estate agent tells us that no one will accept contingency offers. I currently have a house to sell, my fiance' has a condo, and he also has a house with his ex-wife that is set to go on the market late next spring, to be sold no sooner than June when their daughter graduates. At the most I have about $50k equity in mine, about $50k cash; he has either no equity or a loss of 20k for the condo, and should have about $200k cash from the house. Our income is decent, but not enough to qualify for a full mortgage on top of the three outstanding ones we have between us.

How the heck do people do this?? How do we sell everything to have the downpayment and freed-up income to get a mortgage?? It's not like we can move in with relatives. I guess I could get the transfer, move in with him, sell my house and wait it out until his house is sold for a downpayment-- it just seems so complicated. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks a lot.

AnnaMagnani said:Hi everybody. My fiance' and I are in the process of figuring out how to merge our lives and it is definitely trickier the second time around. My son and I will be moving 100 miles away to my fiance's area. I am looking at a job transfer that should happen early next spring. Our problem is how to buy a house!

It looks like my son (11) will have to finish the school year here, staying with his dad, which is an emotional hit since I've always been the primary caregiver. The thing is, transfer opportunities are few and far between so I can't wait until next summer, which might have solved some problems.

The real estate agent tells us that no one will accept contingency offers. I currently have a house to sell, my fiance' has a condo, and he also has a house with his ex-wife that is set to go on the market late next spring, to be sold no sooner than June when their daughter graduates. At the most I have about $50k equity in mine, about $50k cash; he has either no equity or a loss of 20k for the condo, and should have about $200k cash from the house. Our income is decent, but not enough to qualify for a full mortgage on top of the three outstanding ones we have between us.

How the heck do people do this?? How do we sell everything to have the downpayment and freed-up income to get a mortgage?? It's not like we can move in with relatives. I guess I could get the transfer, move in with him, sell my house and wait it out until his house is sold for a downpayment-- it just seems so complicated. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks a lot.

rent condo out, rent home, sell everything, buy house

You mention fiance; at least wait till you get married before making a big joint purchase like house.

It is second time around for both and each still has a house with ex-spouse. Might be prudent to wait for 2-3 years before making a house purchase. It is not like prices are going to shoot up. Besides, you still have a condo in the new location to live in.

My advice:

(i) start selling all the houses that you eventually intend to sell right now, subject to any constraints (e.g., your fiances house can not be sold until June 2010, etc). This would be the hardest thing to accomplish, the most important item in your critical path.

(ii) if house sells and someone has to move out, so be it. Get a rental, get a sublet, get something. You either have the money to afford to live how you want to, or you don't. In the latter case, you move however you can, frugally.

(iii) stay put until houses sell, and marriage is legal.

Side question: why sell your fiances current house? Looks like you can comfortably live there.

So he is the one pushing for you not to pay rent again I assume.

Others provided good advicve, but you should try to sell both the places you can sell as soon as possible. Rent something in a school district you want to live in. Than you can learn the area and see if it fits and start looking for areas you might want to live in. When the opportunity comes next year and the other house might sell then you can buy a house.

You seem to be trying to do too much because your fiance wants to make another bad decision by not renting for a short period of time. Don't let him do it again. Renting for a year is not going to kill you. By the time the other house is able to be sold and is actually sold it will probably be close to a year from now anyways. If you are renting in a school district you want your son to be in, you don't have to worry, he can start school there.

Another vote for "What's wrong with renting?"

I still don't understand people who feel they HAVE to buy a house when they move to a new place...rent, figure out where you stand when things settle down and you fully understand the ins and outs of the new town. Nothing like buying a house and realizing you wish you were in a 'better' part of town a year later.

That's too much real estate to juggle. Rent a place in your desired location until you unload everything. I spoke with a real estate recently and a few folks who are selling. Many people in this market are waiting until their house is sold before starting to look for a new one. Even if it means moving twice and renting for some time.

scoopthis said:What are we assuming? You are leaving you son with his father to shack up with you new love. Then at some point you are making your son move away from his dad... mind you a dad you are trusting to watch your son during this transition. As a women and a single mother, I really don't get this.

Also, there are warning signs already with the new guy. Buying a condo without thinking of the future. I know it was early in the relationship, but he knew then the logistics weren't going to work with you if there was the potential for a future.

Sorry if you think this is finance only, you should definately be thinking about the non-financial aspects of this.

AnnaMagnani said:RedCelicaGT said:AnnaMagnani said:Does anyone have any advice?
Don't move your kid 100 miles away from dad.

You are assuming (and presuming) an awful lot about a personal situation whose only aspect I discussed was financial, and about which you have no information. I don't understand what it has to do with a finance/real estate question; however, I appreciate the input on buying/renting and thank those of you who responded.

It is interesting to see how much of their own stories people project onto others; so I am "shacking up with a new love"? You are "a woman and single mother" and thus qualified as some kind of moral arbiter, and one who constructs a whole story with no information?

And people wonder how women don't get ahead when they are b*tchily stabbing each other in the back. I love the implication that my fiance' is a shady character because he bought a condo when his lease was up, that this is supposed to be some kind of suspicious and significant activity after we had been dating for all of 4 months.

For your information, my son goes to a crappy public school in a major city, with all of the urban problems you might imagine, and both of our houses are located in working class neighborhoods where he can't even be friends with the other kids because they are undesirable. His father has always refused to move someplace better because it is an ethnic neighborhood that he likes as an immigrant. I have an advanced education, finally a very good income, do not receive child support and have never asked for or received alimony. This move to an affluent suburb with good schools and all the rest of it is a MAJOR improvement in my son's life and I have agreed to do anything and everything to facilitate as much time with his father as possible.

If you can surmise that I am irresponsibly shacking up with a new love (we are getting MARRIED, hello?), I am going to surmise that YOU are a bitter divorcee who is feeling the weight of single motherhood and loneliness, and begrudging another woman who is not.

On real estate, not on my personal choices. I know it's a forum, but it's about finance, geez. I am surprised that anyone would find it appropriate to make judgements of a personal nature. I am not commenting further on this and thank the people who had real input.