How to make your wife/girl think you spent a lot on Christmas gifts while saving a ton

Last year I got a dishwasher on sale with a rebate and free installation. My MIL even reimbursed me for. My wife loved it. My wife is just as frugal and as practical as me - will be 15 years this year.

Cashless said: bigdinkel said:

So I would like to hear anybody's suggestions on how to get an excellent Christmas gift but get it much cheaper.

I think you have bigger issues to worry about.

As a matter of face she is driving me nuts lately.

Yeah....I'm seeing red flags all over this relationship re: money. Sounds like there needs to be a "come to Jesus meeting" on that topic, or you are both going to be miserable with each other.

Dump her.

/thread

You need to get her a creative/artistic/thoughtful gift that is not necessarily expensive. This has two benefits:

1) It costs less money than some Tiffany bauble.
2) If she doesn't appreciate your thoughtfulness, it's a good litmus test that you should run for the hills.

I agree with most that you need to approach your holiday spending with honesty and transparency.

That said... You could try convincing her that diamonds are evil, conducive to the slave trade, or sold exclusively by terrorist organizations. I don't have any links but I'm sure an anti-diamond nut will be along shortly

Dump in November before Thanksgiving so you don't have to deal with her family then get back together in January after xmas gifts.

^^No, just suggesting that a new boyfriend //for her// would be a blessing //for him// as well.

A new boyfriend for OP would be cool, too. Then //he// could request the diamonds and Tiffany jewelry and pass on the treasure to a future SO -- male or female or otherwise gendered.

If she wants tiffany, she'd better be at least 200 millihelen and be great in the sack.

I don't ask people what they want for Christmas - I give them something I think they will like and use, but I'm also very open about their returning it if they don't like it.

Since you asked her what she wanted, and you told you exactly what she wanted, you are kind of stuck -- if you don't get it for her, she'll be disappointed. (In the future, if you don't ask what they want, they won't be able to order from you like they'd order from a catalog.)

If someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas and gave me free reign to mention anything, I would never mention something costing over $100, and probably wouldn't mention something costing over $50, even if it was a boyfriend. I wouldn't presume that anyone was going to spend more than a moderate amount on a gift for me, although realizing that they might spend more, but it would be up to them.

We all grow up with very different approaches to money, gifts, money in romantic relationships, etc. Although it's totally foreign to me and my family, I understand that many women and men do ask each other for expensive things, and many women do expect - and even ask for - expensive jewelry from their romantic partners. I've had boyfriends who had had previous girlfriends like that, and they were flummoxed that I wasn't asking for such gifts.

To me it feels a bit transactional - like if you are going to put a fixed and relatively high price on your companionship a couple of times a year (on gift-giving occasions), why not have the guy leave $10 on the nightstand each morning instead, or just formally bill him once a year for "the girlfriend experience".

However, this may be the way this young woman has learned from her parents to expect a romantic relationship to go, and I would guess that her circle of friends is pretty show-off-y about their jewelry and who got them what. It sounds like you actually aren't too opposed to that behavior, since you've been tolerating it up to now. You may even like to have a gf who is into this kind of thing, and that is very normal for guys.

You've had this girlfriend for some time (at least a year), so it would be pretty rash to break up with her. I think you should have a relaxed talk with her about gifts and jewelry and frugality and saving for the future and the recession and how money doesn't indicate love, etc., because if you can't talk about personal and emotive things with her now, you won't ever be able to. If she isn't interested in discussing it, if she won't compromise, or if she acts petulant and pouty, that is a great clue that she might be nice arm candy but she wouldn't be a good lifelong companion. And then you can decide on what you are looking for in your life, and the limits to which you will go with your personal integrity.
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Anyway, most of the responses here, including mine, have taken what you've said further than you intended -- it is a risk on FW that sometimes the responses can be a little preachy.

Your thread title indicates that you are just looking for something that seems expensive (to maintain the status quo and appearances), but actually isn't too expensive. There are a lot of ways to go about that (and FW is the place to look for suggestions!)

Although it's a different kind of jewelry, there have been several threads on Fatwallet about how to find a good-value diamond ring, and those threads might have a lot of tips for you about how to find other fine jewelry at good prices. I think it would be worth your while to read through those.

(However, if she won't be happy with anything that doesn't come from a Tiffany blue box, then your options are constrained.)

((I don't think you would try to substitute something and just put it in a Tiffany box, but if you were tempted - don't - she would find out, I promise you. Lying about something like this and building the relationship on deception just to preserve calm on the surface is taking the whole integrity thing in the wrong direction.))

tripleB said: Dump in November before Thanksgiving so you don't have to deal with her family then get back together in January after xmas gifts.

you mean get back together after february 14th...

Dump her and get into H&B. Seriously, you'll save $.

squid3 said: ranova said: tripleB said: Dump in November before Thanksgiving so you don't have to deal with her family then get back together in January after xmas gifts.

you mean get back together after february 14th...

Just make sure it is BEFORE March 14th...

One of the smartest men I ever knew dated my sister for about a year. My sister's birthday is in January--he dumped her after Thanksgiving (so he got to come to the family meal), and then got back together end of February. So he got to skip Christmas, Valentine's Day, and her birthday. True story.

Of course, then he went and got some other girl pregnant--so much for his financial savvy.

It's wishful thinking.

The last time my gf asked me to buy her an expensive necklace she wanted, I flat out said no.

She got over it.

bigdinkel said: It is that time of the year when we all ask our loved ones what we want for Christmas. My girlfriend wants a Tiffany's necklace for Christmas even after I bought her a diamond necklace for last Christmas (not happy at about). I have looked at the Tiffany's website and a nice pendent or necklace is $300-$800 dollars. This is way out of my budget, especially after I took her to San Francisco for a weekend and stayed that the Westin. She isn't high maintenence but I have been spending a lot of money on her recently and I believe she is pushing my limits on what I'll spend on her. I'm not cheap, but I am a Fatwaller.

So I would like to hear anybody's suggestions on how to get an excellent Christmas gift but get it much cheaper. I thought about buying her the necklace or a Coach purse from eBay from reputable sellers only. The last thing I need is to buy something that I could of received from someone in Rocky Point.

She is not high maintenance ... but I am spending a lot of money on her.

This is way out of my budget.

Here is an idea for you. Think of something thoughtful and cheap, and gift ONLY that for christmas. Watch her reaction.

You can also prep her ahead of the time.

jwmoldy said: squid3 said: ranova said: tripleB said: Dump in November before Thanksgiving so you don't have to deal with her family then get back together in January after xmas gifts.

you mean get back together after february 14th...

Just make sure it is BEFORE March 14th...

One of the smartest men I ever knew dated my sister for about a year. My sister's birthday is in January--he dumped her after Thanksgiving (so he got to come to the family meal), and then got back together end of February. So he got to skip Christmas, Valentine's Day, and her birthday. True story.

Of course, then he went and got some other girl pregnant--so much for his financial savvy.

His pattern shows he was probably stupid and broke.

You hear the example of one girl, and you condemn the other 130 million American women based on that?

comptalk said: What happened to the independent women I her women talk about?

I don't "talk about" "independent women", I am an independent woman.

cashmere sweater - hey, what's that red dot?

bigdinkel said: Cashless said: bigdinkel said:

So I would like to hear anybody's suggestions on how to get an excellent Christmas gift but get it much cheaper.

I think you have bigger issues to worry about.

As a matter of face she is driving me nuts lately.Pics.