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If you are like me, you want a short concise reference on how to poop in a public restroom both safely and effectively. Lots of people aren't away of the details and that is why they get rashes or spend 10 minutes or longer in the bathroom pooping. These minutes add up since we are alive a long time. Anyways here is my method and you can follow it if you want to achieve similar results.

1) Enter bathroom and use the mirror reflection above sinks to see if a stall is open. I do this because I hate bending down and looking for feet. It is awkward and you might see something you don't want to see. The reflection works best because you can see the entire bathroom easier that way and not have to pull doors that are locked and used already (I hate that).

2) When you find the stall, DO NOT SIT DOWN! Take a toilet paper and wipe around the rim and the bottom rim. There are lots of germs and you can never be too safe. Put paper in water and flush. Flushing helps remove old water that may be contaminated by poop buildup around inner rim within the toilet itself. Flushing ensures you have the freshest water possible in case some splashes up.

3) Place 1.5' toilet paper on each side of rim and sit.

4) If you are dropping a major load and are afraid of clogging toilet, tilt to the side and clench body to close yourself. Hit flush and wait until fresh water reaches new level.

5) When wiping, I usually require 2 or 3 wipes. When you get use your feet to push the toilet paper on the seat in the water and kick the handle to flush. Do this 1 more time before you leave.

Tips on advanced methods:
-When you have a feeling you will need to poop soon, drink 20-30mL of water. This makes the poop come out smooth and makes for efficient wiping.
-If you are embarrassed at making loud noises, wait until someone else flushes a toilet and then time it so it comes out right then. Sometimes you can flush the toilet you are on if you time it correctly.

-If you are very hairy, it is probably best to trim some hair back. The poop when wiping tends to smear into the hair follicles and this can cause infections during the day if you sit a lot.

Good luck!

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for me to poop on.
Disclaimer
"This sounds like a really great thread."


So how do you feel about following your methods, but naked and in the locker room?

so this is what they mean when they say "thread crapping"

You forgot the part where you slide your foot under the stall and tap the next guy's foot.

You lost me at 1. How do I use a mirror's reflection to see stalls if the stalls aren't in view of the mirror?

#2, what should i do if there's urine on the seat? Should

For #3, where do I get 1.5 foot tp? Do I bring it from home? Isn't that a bit wide to be carrying around?

#4 afraid of clogging a public toilet? Why should I. I wouldn't want to clog my toilet because i have to fix it. But i don't care about a public one

5#: How do you wipe your ass with your feet. I can't imagine how. I'm not sure why i need to kick the handle now, but not before. my feet have poop on them since its so hard to wipe with, and now its on the handle. What happens when the next person tries to refresh the water with a flush?


Scrouds pooping method:
check for wet seat
plop down
plop out
wipe
flush
wash
check i'm zippered
leave

red for english abuse. It isn't professional pooping unless youre pooping and being paid for it.

What is your opinion on washing your ass in the sink?

fasttimes said:   What is your opinion on washing your ass in the sink?

only if they have a wall dryer would be my best guess.

pecanpie said:   fasttimes said:   What is your opinion on washing your ass in the sink?

only if they have a wall dryer would be my best guess.



How would you get your ass up that high?

Necromancer said:   If you are like me, you want a short concise reference on how to poop in a public restroom both safely and effectively. Lots of people aren't away of the details and that is why they get rashes or spend 10 minutes or longer in the bathroom pooping. These minutes add up since we are alive a long time. Anyways here is my method and you can follow it if you want to achieve similar results....

yeah, the waste of minutes is why i stopped reading.

I would very much like to start a companion thread titled, "Freestyle Pooping" describing techniques for defecating while in the field where you don't have access to suitable facilities. Venues might include camping, sporting events, hunting, long haul trucking, maritime endeavors, and concerts.

Necromancer said:   Flushing helps remove old water that may be contaminated by poop buildup around inner rim within the toilet itself. Flushing ensures you have the freshest water possible in case some splashes up.


I disagree with the flush-before-using method. If you're in a bathroom with a high-power toilet, you're just launching water mist with fecal particles into the air which will land on you, your clothes, and you'll inhale it as well.

TxAggieJen said:   Necromancer said:   Flushing helps remove old water that may be contaminated by poop buildup around inner rim within the toilet itself. Flushing ensures you have the freshest water possible in case some splashes up.


I disagree with the flush-before-using method. If you're in a bathroom with a high-power toilet, you're just launching water mist with fecal particles into the air which will land on you, your clothes, and you'll inhale it as well.


Pretty advanced technique! I will look into that. I always thought that if this occurred the particles would fall back down due to their weight. I know in one of my engineering books on HVAC, fecal particles do carry weight around 40 microns. I will calculate this tomorrow. Thanks for heads up.

Perhaps, we could flush immediately once entering stall and then wipe down the seat and not flush again.

Or we can apply a layer of toilet paper on the water itself and this will reduce the possibility of water splashing back up.

Thanks!

When I find myself spending longer that I intended in the bathroom, it's usually because I don't want to break my winning streak on Angry Birds.

This shit needs to be BELOIT!ed somewhere. Finance sounds good.

while you aren't pooping like a pro, here's some professional advice on what to do afterwards. http://lifehacker.com/5805108/which-direction-should-i-wipe

soundtechie said:   red for english abuse. It isn't professional pooping unless youre pooping and being paid for it.

Agreed. Change the thread title to "Corporate Bathroom"

fasttimes said:   soundtechie said:   red for english abuse. It isn't professional pooping unless youre pooping and being paid for it.

Agreed. Change the thread title to "Corporate Bathroom"
Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.

bigcat007 said:   Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.
Please mods let this happen!

MadAnthony said:   When I find myself spending longer that I intended in the bathroom, it's usually because I don't want to break my winning streak on Angry Birds.


Apple Cutomer SVC: Sorry Sir you can't return the Iphone.. "Its been Flagged"

goatssbyday said:   MadAnthony said:   When I find myself spending longer that I intended in the bathroom, it's usually because I don't want to break my winning streak on Angry Birds.


Apple Cutomer SVC: Sorry Sir you can't return the Iphone.. "Its been Flagged"


Ok George Constanza!

(can someone green this post at least?)

Getting green on Fatwallet is like impossible for me LOL.

Necromancer said:

Getting green on Fatwallet is like impossible for me LOL.
Bring this up again once you learn to pee standing up and shower like the big boys without freaking.

Fiber One bars should make the process easier. Any advice on dealing with Fiber One bar farts?

riznick said:   Fiber One bars should make the process easier. Any advice on dealing with Fiber One bar farts?
Yes. Don't inhale it through your nose.

Necromancer said:   

Getting green on Fatwallet is like impossible for me LOL.


Here's how to fix that problem Necro.

Start a thread with the PROMISE that you plan to leave Fatwallet FOREVER. If you get LOTS of Green then you have to leave. If you get lots of Red you stay. It will be your greenest (and most helpful)post EVER!

Mail carrier who defecated in yard gets to keep job
By KATU.com Staff Published: May 26, 2011 at 11:20 AM PDT

PORTLAND, Ore. - A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired.

The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.

Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures.

"We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate - it's just wrong."

The incident was an embarrassment to the post office and the worker was immediately placed on unpaid leave. Now, a decision has been made to keep the worker but he will be transferred to a different route.

A spokesperson said the administrative action was taken based on a postal service investigation but he did not elaborate. He also did not say which route the mail carrier has been assigned to cover.

glad I don't live in Oregon
what are they thinking?????
ETA-bet he didn't bring a pooper scooper

sublimosa said:   glad I don't live in Oregon
what are they thinking?????
ETA-bet he didn't bring a pooper scooper
I was gonna recommend setting out a litter box.

bigcat007 said:   Mail carrier who defecated in yard gets to keep job
By KATU.com Staff Published: May 26, 2011 at 11:20 AM PDT

PORTLAND, Ore. - A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired.

The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.

Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures.

"We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate - it's just wrong."

The incident was an embarrassment to the post office and the worker was immediately placed on unpaid leave. Now, a decision has been made to keep the worker but he will be transferred to a different route.

A spokesperson said the administrative action was taken based on a postal service investigation but he did not elaborate. He also did not say which route the mail carrier has been assigned to cover.
Mail carrier was quoted as saying "Fine with me, it was a crappy route anyway."

kamalktk said:   bigcat007 said:   Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.
Please mods let this happen!


Don't tempt me

MVP9596 said:   kamalktk said:   bigcat007 said:   Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.
Please mods let this happen!


Don't tempt me


What would it cost me? I can probably come up with the requisite buck fiddy.

webferret said:   MVP9596 said:   kamalktk said:   bigcat007 said:   Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.
Please mods let this happen!


Don't tempt me


What would it cost me? I can probably come up with the requisite buck fiddy.


What, you think I'm that cheap? I need at least tree fiddy!


Threadcrap
Disclaimer
threadcrapping in the thread about crapping

^----- Pic of OP? _____^

Meh, not very well done. This guy did it before and much better.

MVP9596 said:   kamalktk said:   bigcat007 said:   Rename to "Pooping for fun and profit" and flush it over to FWF.
Please mods let this happen!


Don't tempt me

I'll give you internet bonus points!

WDEagle said:   Necromancer said:   

Getting green on Fatwallet is like impossible for me LOL.


Here's how to fix that problem Necro.

Start a thread with the PROMISE that you plan to leave Fatwallet FOREVER. If you get LOTS of Green then you have to leave. If you get lots of Red you stay. It will be your greenest (and most helpful)post EVER!


He's growing on me. Plus he took a ton of flack and is somehow still here.

scrouds said:   WDEagle said:   Necromancer said:   

Getting green on Fatwallet is like impossible for me LOL.


Here's how to fix that problem Necro.

Start a thread with the PROMISE that you plan to leave Fatwallet FOREVER. If you get LOTS of Green then you have to leave. If you get lots of Red you stay. It will be your greenest (and most helpful)post EVER!


He's growing on me. Plus he took a ton of flack and is somehow still here.

Like a dingleberry?
As to the flack, it is self incurred.

Skipping 3 Messages...
kamalktk said:   iTrackMyPoop, for the iPhone.Nice. I have always just entered the info in Excel after I take a dump.



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