(Unless you are someone under the age of 12 selling something sweet, like cookies or candy, at a price not to exceed $2.00, for your scout troop, sports team, or church group. I’m sympathetic to child slave labor, I like kids, and I like cookies even better.)
But if you do not fall into that category, I don’t want your magazine because I already have a subscription. I don’t want your newspaper because I already get it. I do not want to pay you to run, walk, swim, jog, jog-walk, swim-jog, or walk-run. I do not want to pay you to cure AIDS. I don’t want to fund your fraternity’s trip to Mexico. I genuinely hope that together we can help stop female breast cancer, and while I’ll be more than happy to give you a free exam, I do not want to pay you to examine others. I do not want a “trial” anything. I do not want to pay you to leave me alone, that’s what this sign is for. I do not want you to keep standing in front of my door, reading this sign in the hopes that I might have posted an exception for your particular breed of leech. If you want my money, feel free to try robbing me. I carry a knife with a 4-inch blade and will gladly extend your smile to your ears. Thank you, and the best of luck screwing over my neighbors. Edit: More links:
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