I know I’m kind of relatively new here and my posts have been few and haven’t been the greatest posts in the world and more than likely stupid. But I am looking for some advice for a friend of mine. I am by no means implying that any of you are or are not experts. That being said here is the dilemma: My friend is 29 years old has been married to the same man since she was 17 and has 3 children ages 12, 9 and 4. She loves her husband very much. Neither one of them are perfect and she understands that and believes that marriage should be a 50 / 50 partnership. But her husband on the other hand doesn’t see it that way. He believes that she should be responsible for just about everything because he worked 40 +hours a week. He now has been laid off of work for almost 6 months now and she thought that having him home might make him realize how hard it it is for her to do everything she does by herself. But instead of him being home he’s always gone to some place or another. He’s never been physically abuse towards her or the kids , he’s been verbally abusive mainly towards her about stuff that didn’t get done around the house or weren’t done to his liking. Recently he has taken to getting up in her face anytime they have an argument, which he’s never done before. This scares her and she’s not sure what to do. I have suggested that she talk to him about it but she is afraid that it will anger him and it will go farther than him getting into her face. She’s asked her family and other friend for advice and they mostly tell her to pack her and the kids upon and leave him. She is confused and unsure what to do which I understand but I am also not sure how to help her. Any suggestions? Sorry this is so long and if none of it makes any sense.

If she wants to talk to him, maybe have another friend there...not anyone that would make him feel embarrassed(not her parents, or mutual friend) but someone to make her feel more comfortable and to make him think before acting out.

Maybe that's terrible advice and things could go wrong, I know it's a whole other world for a woman's safety than a man's...so I find it hard to put myself in that position.

PTA: It is a difficult thing to leave someone you have children with, but it sounds like she does need to take a step back.

Might I suggest your friend send the kids over to a relative's house for an overnight stay, and she and the hubby sit down and talk? It doesn't sound like there's a lot of talking going on, mostly yelling. She needs to say what's on her mind, and he his. Then, together, they need to decide how they're going to work out their problems. If necessary, they might decide to see a counselor. Taking the kids and leaving is not necessarily the right first move, as it doesn't sound like there's a lot of communication going on (he's yelling and she's keeping quiet); however, if she's really afraid of her husband when he's angry, perhaps it would be best to have the initial conversation in a quiet but public place. Then she can feel him out to see how receptive he'll be toward working out their problems.

But instead of him being home he’s always gone to some place or anotherAny idea where he's going? Two things come to mind for me and why all of a sudden his behavior towards his wife has changed.

turtlebug said:Might I suggest your friend send the kids over to a relative's house for an overnight stay, and she and the hubby sit down and talk? I'm not so sure I would suggest this route. With the kids out of the way, and his temper not in check, it could lead to disaster. SL is probably right that his lack of a job is fueling his frustration and he could be depressed. It wouldn't take much to push him over the edge.

I think I would contact a hotline and ask them where she can go or who she can talk to to get help. Sure, he hasn't hit yet, but the potential is very strong. He is verbally/emotionally abusing her now...who knows what is next. While she doesn't need emergency shelter yet, the hotline can ask her questions and lead her to local help before it does get out of hand.

idohair said:My suggestion is for her to completely change how she is around him, be happy, smile and be nice and pleasant. She needs to make it a nice atmosphere around home. She might be surprised at how this could help.Here are some additional tips. HTH

idohair said:qcumber98 said:idohair said:My suggestion is for her to completely change how she is around him, be happy, smile and be nice and pleasant. She needs to make it a nice atmosphere around home. She might be surprised at how this could help.Here are some additional tips. HTHYep, that would do it!How YOU DOIN'?

HokieOkie said:qcumber98 said:idohair said:My suggestion is for her to completely change how she is around him, be happy, smile and be nice and pleasant. She needs to make it a nice atmosphere around home. She might be surprised at how this could help.Here are some additional tips. HTH

I disagree..a good wife knows her positions!That's my point exactly! Everyone is assuming she is a good wife, maybe, just maybe, she's a b*tch Who would want to come home to that?

And yes, I know what you meant by "positions" Can't they change things up a bit???

I think the guy is 100% wrong. My attempt here is to give you an insight on WHY he's doing this..

It's the male "built in gene" to be the provider for the family. We need that feeling and clearly cause of being laid off he essentially no longer has purpose/direction in his life. He is very ashamed of himself and the situation. On a subconscious level he may be actually purposely driving her away from him so that he will only have to provide for himself. I am in ZERO way even attempting to try to justify any of his actions as again he is 1000% wrong. Just hoping to give you a little insight into the "why" of this.