Last May I realized that the man I had lived with for 25 years is a sociopath. Because of this, I've been researching this personality disorder for several months and have come to understand that they're EVERYWHERE. Since they are predatory, they hide behind a mask of normalcy for as long as they need to. When they are no longer getting whatever fix/supply they need, they take the mask off and try to destroy you.
so has anyone else out there met one or lived with one that revealed himself/herself? Is anyone out there a sociopath or thinks they might be?
Nrsmimi, it's not hard to be smarter because they are really a case of narcissism (emotionally arrested development) with a twist of sadism. But unless we are taught how to recognize them, how would you even know?
I have been in some destructive relationships, but from those experiences I really think it takes two to tango. I think people tend to feed off of each other for good or for bad. It is not being afriad to walk away (or run) that comes with experience. I think some sociopathic behavior may be fostered by the codependence/enabling behavior of one of the parties.
Message edited by: mcwhitman on 2009-11-04 21:40:56 CST
mcwhitman, that's what they want you to think. That's what I thought for years. Then I realized, he picked the fights, pushing all the right buttons. Why? because they are parasites in every sense of the word. They have no emotions of their own, so they feed off of ours. They love to see you express your agony on your face. Mine didn't touch me for the last decade we were together, unless we were at a theatre watching a thriller. Then he would take my arms and legs and drape them all over himself (to "keep me warm" he said), but now I know, he was sensing all the jumps and starts in my body when the movie got scary. He was feeding. They are vampires.
orangespot said:mcwhitman, that's what they want you to think. That's what I thought for years. Then I realized, he picked the fights, pushing all the right buttons. Why? because they are parasites in every sense of the word. They have no emotions of their own, so they feed off of ours. They love to see you express your agony on your face. Mine didn't touch me for the last decade we were together, unless we were at a theatre watching a thriller. Then he would take my arms and legs and drape them all over himself (to "keep me warm" he said), but now I know, he was sensing all the jumps and starts in my body when the movie got scary. He was feeding. They are vampires.
Your psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker has done you more harm than good.
Nrsmimi, it's not hard to be smarter because they are really a case of narcissism (emotionally arrested development) with a twist of sadism. But unless we are taught how to recognize them, how would you even know?
How did you find out what yours was, Nrsmimi?
Actually, most sociopaths are quite intelligent. I am a nurse, and my first job was working at a psych hospital. I found out what he was because I paid attention. He actually drove his second wife nuts! I didn't know about the first wife until after we were married. He kept pictures and mementos of all his conquests, and before I was a nurse I was a journalist, so not much got by me for very long. When he realized he wasn't going to win, he tried to break me down emotionally. That was his biggest mistake. Then, when he realized I won, he started trying to really mess with me. He ended up losing his job with only 3 years to retirement, the police got involved and finally realized he needed to let this one go. What bothered him the most is that I ended up humiliating him, which for him was beating him at his own game.
Dkong, Well, our relationshit deteriorated as they are bound to do. And he started to let his mask slip. It's hard to say why, maybe Major Darkside can enlighten us on what prompts that slip, but it is inevitable. Usually when you stop giving them everything they want (emotions, money, respect). They go from Dr. jekyl to Mr. Hyde. They become foul and the lies (which were always obvious) become outrageous. So I began researching and his personality just popped right up, in different books on narcissism and websites on sociopathy. The books, "the sociopath next door" and "why is it always about you" were very enlightening. They should be required reading in gradeschool.
Wow NRS , that's impressive. They are intelligent in certain ways. Their ability to mirror you and to manipulate is impressive. But, when you begin to research the disorder, you realize that they are 3 trick ponies: charm, pity and rage. Those are the survival mechanisms that they had as infants and it's all they have now. They have intelligence too, so they can slander, sabotage and poison, but they always employ the first 3 tricks. They can't help themselves.
orangespot said:Dkong, Well, our relationshit deteriorated as they are bound to do. And he started to let his mask slip. It's hard to say why, maybe Major Darkside can enlighten us on what prompts that slip, but it is inevitable. Usually when you stop giving them everything they want (emotions, money, respect). They go from Dr. jekyl to Mr. Hyde. They become foul and the lies (which were always obvious) become outrageous. So I began researching and his personality just popped right up, in different books on narcissism and websites on sociopathy. The books, "the sociopath next door" and "why is it always about you" were very enlightening. They should be required reading in gradeschool.
Have you parted ways or are you coping through the "for better and for worse"?
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