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Let's just say that you didn't like your new neighbor at the house next door.

What are things that are 100% legal that you could do to drive them away/nuts?

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I told you that wasn't my fault. Can't you just move on?

Assuming at least one of your neighbors is female I would hire MadAnthony to live with you for awhile and start hitting on her. That should drive them away pretty quick.

Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.

Here's what I did. Write a long passive-aggressive letter, then don't send it. After a few days, tear it up and go over there. Introduce yourself, give the guy your card and say something nice about neighbors looking out for each other.

Here's what my brother did. He told the sheriff, "Hey, my home office faces this guy's place, and we all know it's a drug den AND a chop shop, so how about I just write down the comings and goings for you?" Cop wasn't very interested, but my brother does some database stuff on the side. After he delivered the first set of data the cops asked him to keep it up and now he has new neighbors! Who also suck, but less than the last ones.

I guess Kandykornhead and I read the same magazines; what I did was pretty similar.

I wrote the guy a long passive-aggressive letter then put it away in a drawer. A few days later I took it back out and read it. My mindset must have changed over the time that had passed, because I immediately realized how ridiculous the letter sounded. I laughed to myself and went over to the neighbors house. He wasn't home so I banged his wife. I felt way better after that.

Kandykornhead said: Here's what I did. Write a long passive-aggressive letter, then don't send it.
Then, fly a plane into their house (make sure you parachute out beforehand).

LostConsumer said: I guess Kandykornhead and I read the same magazines; what I did was pretty similar.

I wrote the guy a long passive-aggressive letter then put it away in a drawer for a couple of days. A few days later I took it back out and read it. I guess my mindset had changed over the time that had passed, because I immediately realized how ridiculous the letter sounded. I laughed to myself and went over to the neighbors house. He wasn't home so I banged his wife. I felt way better after that.


Your suggestion is a good one, I might use it myself, however, in OP's situation the neighbor is both "Single" and "flaming" so I'm not sure your method could be completely duplicated

atwnsw said: Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.

Try hitting on him?

atwnsw said: Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.


Wait, you live next to LaurenceOfArabia ?

Just be sure to bring a fire extinguisher. We don't judge here.

RS4Rings said: atwnsw said: Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.

Try hitting on him?

atwnsw said: Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.


You could just tell me if I'm bothering you...

This topic could be fun.

I like the post about banging his wife unfortunately he is single.

I am married and he is straight. So, hitting on him isn't an option.

I could invite Johnny Weir to his house?

atwnsw said: he is straight. ?

That's one of those things that you can infer but never really know.

I'd bake him some pot brownies, then show up with a fifth of johnny walker.
you'll be buds in no time

ding dong ditch

have subscriptions of gay porn sent to his house

wow... cant you just avoid them?

IOU said: wow... cant you just avoid them?
What fun is that?

Check Hot Deals for Pink Flamingo deals. Fill your yard with them.

Purchase a rusty old beater and leave it in the driveway. Remove half the exhaust and sit in the driveway and rev the engine during non-quiet hours.

Put in a moat.

Mail him a thank you card every single day for being your neighbor.

Everytime you run into each other outside, give him the 2 fingers from the eyes (a la "I'm watching you Focker from Meet the Parents")

Put up a fence between your neighbor's yard and yours. Alternate each section's height and material type (for example, 4' aluminum section, then a 6' Shadow Box, followed by a 5' Chain Link). Leave a 3 foot space after every 5th section

Say "Beetlejuice" 3 times. That guy should be able to help you out.

Park in front of their house instead of your own.

guitar hero or rockband.

What is the neighbor doing to bother you? Knowing that bit might help with the suggestions.

BangBangAnnie said: Park in front of their house instead of your own.

At my old house, I had a neighbor who tormented me by doing that. Turns out he thought I ratted him out by alerting the authorities about junk on the side of his house(I didn't). His friends, relatives, kids, would park in front of my house.

We ended up selling our house to a guy who doesn't believe in doing yard work. I guess that's karma.

You might want to consider the very real possibility that YOU are the bad neighbor, not the other guy, and try to stop being such a dick.

atwnsw said: Neighbor:

Single, Male, Loaded w/ $$$, Flaming A**hole.


How is he a flaming a-hole? Did you say "hello" and he ignored you? Maybe he's just not that into you?

LostConsumer said: I laughed to myself and went over to the neighbors house. He wasn't home so I banged his wife. I felt way better after that.

for additional revenge, videotape it and post it on the web!

Get a dog, preferably a larger breed such as a Dane, St Bernard, or Mastiff. It'd be great if you could get a mix of all three. Pet overpopulation is a problem so adoption is the way to go. Anywho, "walk" the dog in your neighbors yard and forget to pooper scoop. That's what my neighbors did to annoy me!! And it worked! (OK, they had medium sized dogs).

I wrote a passive aggressive letter (ok, it was actually a kind of nice letter) and put it in their mailbox and no more dog poop! They apologized and we actually became good friends.

What exactly does your neighbor do that annoys you? Come on, tell FWOT, we're here to help....

First of all, why are you only interested in "legal" things? That takes all of the fun out of everything. Get your hatred burning pure, then take a pair of wire cutters to the valve on his tires one evening. Next, buy yourself a syringe, mix up some epoxy glue, and inject it into his car door locks. Make sure you do the same thing to his front door lock as well as his back door lock. While you are at it, do the same to his garage door lock. To show your soft side, make sure you leave locksmith pamphlets on the windshield and in the mailbox.

Before heading off for the evening, you have two more things to do. Take some hardboiled eggs and jam them into the exhaust pipe. If they do not fit, peel them. Then smear the epoxy on the windshield and sprinkle confetti on top.

Buy him a six pack of something and welcome him to the neighborhood.

Go over and ask to borrow some cinder blocks. Say you have a car that needs to be put on some.

We have lived in the same home for 15 years. The elderly couple sold the home and moved into assisted living. Their kids sold the home to a retired Military couple. Here are the issues:

1)In addition to 2 daily driving cars, he keeps an old pickup truck (exactly like Sanford & sons). I am not mechanically knowledgeable but I think he must start it every week because of the carburator? Anyways, often he parks it in his driveway which is next to my bedroom and pumps the gas for a while which is extremely annoying. I live in nice neighborhood and it is also an eyesore.

His wife has a very LOUD and deep voice and sounds like Wilbur, the horse. She is always yelling at him and her voice carries. Believe it or not, we put in a water fountain in the backyard to drown them out. It hasn't worked.

They have a little dog that poops in the alleyway which is an easement to the golf course. Needless to say, they don't pick it up. We have a dog but always clean up after it.

That is a quick summary.

Have you ever mentioned any of this to him? I'd probably start with the fact that the truck is disturbing you and save the talk about Wilbur until you know him a little better.

I live in the boonies, so we shoot guns. We got a Noob neighbor last summer who came flying over on his quad to tell us he lived behind us and we were shooting toward his property. I smiled very sweetly and told him it was fine, come on up on the deck and have a look. Two of the adult kids were armed with loaded weapons and were shooting down off the deck into cans so that the bullets weren't even close to staying in the air long, much less hitting his property. (The hillside goes up in a bowl shape where the targets were, in the bottom of the bowl). He got real quiet and nice, apologized and offered to let us ride his horses anytime we wanted. It was priceless!!!!

atwnsw said:
His wife has a very LOUD and deep voice and sounds like Wilbur, the horse. She is always yelling at him and her voice carries. Believe it or not, we put in a water fountain in the backyard to drown them out. It hasn't worked.


I thought you said earlier he was single...

You are right. I did say the neighbor was single.

Let me explain the contradiction.

Everything that I just posted is regarding my neighbor.

When I originally posted yesterday, the neighbor that I was referring to was my brother's neighbor. Seems like we have both been blessed with douchebags for neighbors.

His neighbor (John Doe) has been living 3 doors down from him and recently bought the house next to him and then tore it down to build a monster house. The house is still in the construction stage and has created a nightmare for him. John Doe is notorious for being a complete *&*$#&$*. He has more money than G-d and doesn't think his sh&t stinks.

So, while building his house he changed the footprint of the lot and has caused tremendous flooding for both my brother's house and the immediate neighbors. So they (my brother and neighbors) did the cordial thing and called the new owner to their home to discuss the problem. He blew up at my brother and neighbors and told them it wasn't his problem and he would research it and get back to them.

So, John Doe hired an attorney and has refused to discuss this with all of the neighbors. So, the neighbors hired an attorney trying to get this resolved (there is still no Certificate of Occupancy). My brother's attorney received a phone call from the butthole's attorney saying that they would like to meet and work it out. Finally, my brother breathed a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, my brother just found out that John Doe spent a butt load of $$$ hiring an engineering firm to write up a report that the flooding isn't caused by his house.

So, my brother and his neighbors are back to square one.

This is the issue that prompted me to post originally. Yes john Doe is single and loaded.

DavidScubadiver said: First of all, why are you only interested in "legal" things? That takes all of the fun out of everything. Get your hatred burning pure, then take a pair of wire cutters to the valve on his tires one evening. Next, buy yourself a syringe, mix up some epoxy glue, and inject it into his car door locks. Make sure you do the same thing to his front door lock as well as his back door lock. While you are at it, do the same to his garage door lock. To show your soft side, make sure you leave locksmith pamphlets on the windshield and in the mailbox.

Before heading off for the evening, you have two more things to do. Take some hardboiled eggs and jam them into the exhaust pipe. If they do not fit, peel them. Then smear the epoxy on the windshield and sprinkle confetti on top.


Man, I'd hate to be your neighbor!

squid3 said:
Mail him a thank you card every single day for being your neighbor.


Absoultely love this one...but no lacing the envelope with mysterious substances!!

Rent a backhoe and mound up a ton of dirt around the jerk's house so that the water backs up into their yard and not your's. Or just mound the dirt up and put some nice retaining blocks up and landscape it. Get some nice tall plants to create a barrier or a fence and some vines.

Not sure if you're a male or female, but if you're a guy, get some spandex and go jog in front of his house when he's out there and sing really loud.

If you're upwind, make a compost heap, but don't turn it...let things just rot.

Have a big cookout or something and invite everyone else in the neighborhood, but not them just to exclude them.

atwnsw said: Meanwhile, my brother just found out that John Doe spent a butt load of $$$ hiring an engineering firm to write up a report that the flooding isn't caused by his house. Is it a real engineering firm with report stamped by a PE? If so, search your state for the PE's license to make sure s/he is licensed, you can also file a complaint with the engineering board of the state if you have evidence of malparactice.

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