$99 for a Couples Massage Class with Champagne Dinner at La Dolce Vita Spa in Long Beach ($248 Value)

Giving yourself a back massage is impossible, much like keeping your eyes open while sneezing or reading an entire book. Learn to read your loved one's mind and musculature with this Groupon.

$99 for Couples Massage-Class Package ($248 Value)

• Massage class for two (a $190 value)
• Dinner for two with Italian, chicken, pasta, vegetarian, or gluten-free options (a $40 value)
• Champagne (an $18 value)

Classes are scheduled by appointment Monday through Friday at 5 p.m., Saturdays at 3 p.m., or Sundays at 11 a.m. or 3 p.m. During the two-hour massage class, experts introduce groups of four or five couples to basic massage techniques such as kneading, gliding, and tapping out a love poem in Morse code. Duos sip cups of tea or fruit-and-herb-infused water as they learn to pinpoint muscle knots and lower mutual stress levels. After the lesson, they retire to an elegant dining area to nosh on their choice of Italian, chicken, pasta, vegetarian, or gluten-free fare. Hands intertwine for a champagne toast, celebrating the couples' sense of renewed intimacy and their ability to relieve future backaches caused by long car trips or cramped rides on a unicycle built for two.