May I retire?

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About me: Programmer, 39. $120K/annual
Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.
We both are hardworking individuals has been working for more than 2 decades, recently married. My husband has 4 houses values over half mil each, one is rented for 3.6K/month, we live in 1 condo and 2 other condos are for use by 2 older jobless siblings. I also have a house which is rented about 4K/month.
His current saving is about 2 mil + 1 mil in retirement. I have merely 250K cash + 350K in retirement. We both are quite thrifty, but we both has to help siblings/immediate family. Annually, he spent about 200K on some rental mortgages and older siblings on annual expenses. It's because he got 2 siblings that are pretty much 100% depends on him. Our both monthly expense are barely even 1K. But his 2 siblings need about 7K/month to cover up their excessive expenses. Our only debts are 700K in mortgages total. 
Both of us works very long hour so we rarely meet. With a baby coming up, I felt it's better for me to be a full time mom rather than hiring nanny. Is that OK? Can I retire? May I? My husband doesn't mind, but I am a very conservative and would like to save more for rainy days, yet, I really don't want to be away from home so much. I really felt bother with his siblings with excessive expenses, sometimes, I felt I want to bankrupt both of them due to their high debts. We recently need to pay off roughly 150K on their debts. 
Can I retire? Will there be much impact on SSN benefits/medicare for me later on?

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tamwu said:   Our both monthly expense are barely even 1K. But his 2 siblings need about 7K/month to cover up their excessive expenses.
...
 I really felt bother with his siblings with excessive expenses, sometimes, I felt I want to bankrupt both of them due to their high debts. We recently need to pay off roughly 150K on their debts.
They are disabled or challenged ?

tamwu said:   About me: Programmer, 39. $120K/annual
Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.
We both are hardworking individuals has been working for more than 2 decades, recently married. My husband has 4 houses values over half mil each, one is rented for 3.6K/month, we live in 1 condo and 2 other condos are for use by 2 older jobless siblings. I also have a house which is rented about 4K/month.
His current saving is about 2 mil + 1 mil in retirement. I have merely 250K cash + 350K in retirement. We both are quite thrifty, but we both has to help siblings/immediate family. Annually, he spent about 200K on some rental mortgages and older siblings on annual expenses. It's because he got 2 siblings that are pretty much 100% depends on him. Our both monthly expense are barely even 1K. But his 2 siblings need about 7K/month to cover up their excessive expenses. Our only debts are 700K in mortgages total. 
Both of us works very long hour so we rarely meet. With a baby coming up, I felt it's better for me to be a full time mom rather than hiring nanny. Is that OK? Can I retire? May I? My husband doesn't mind, but I am a very conservative and would like to save more for rainy days, yet, I really don't want to be away from home so much. I really felt bother with his siblings with excessive expenses, sometimes, I felt I want to bankrupt both of them due to their high debts. We recently need to pay off roughly 150K on their debts. 
Can I retire? Will there be much impact on SSN benefits/medicare for me later on?

  I wouldnt pose this as "retire" but more like "I want to take a hiatus from my job to focus on family/child". I dont know how many kids you plan to have but hopefully in 5-6 years, at least the oldest will be in school (part or full-time). You will be in mid forties and can always re-evaluate your future (maybe different career, part-time job, get back to same field full-time etc.).

The siblings mooching off on you/spouse is much more concerning but that is a different discussion altogether.

No, they both are healthy: one is retired, the other one is 55, is really addicted spender. Every time we complained about his behavior, he can get very violent.

tamwu said:   No, they both are healthy: one is retired, the other one is 55, is really addicted spender. Every time we complained about his behavior, he can get very violent.
  You dont have to complain about anything. Just stop enabling their spending habit by giving them money or paying their debt.

tamwu said:   the other one is 55, is really addicted spender. Every time we complained about his behavior, he can get very violent.Well, be more violent in response. Kick him out of the condo and his temper tantrums will not matter.

My husband does not want to make a scene, that is why he let his older bro be. With our kid coming soon, I tried to minimize the exposure of my kid with his siblings, because I don't want to feel I owe them a child care. I prefer not earning money and spend more time with my own kid. I did tell my husband to bankrupt them, such as not paying their back taxes or credit card bills. He said he will think about it, but at the same time, he gave them his credit card to use. 

Yes, 2 kids within 5-6 years.I also concern about not able to find a job after leaving jobs for so long. I did think about doing some business on the side after my kids are older, but probably not another full time job since it required longer hours in office and commute time. But it will be nice if I can just retire to eliminate stressful life just for money. Can I retire just with 1 mil or 2 mil?

Your husband is funding his siblings' retirement, why don't you think he would fund yours?

How much is $1,200k?  1.2 million? or a typo for 120k? 
If he's pulling in $1200k or 1.2 million I think your salary is not needed.  If you were both making 120k than cutting your family income in half will require some lifestyle changes. 
About me: Programmer, 39. $120K/annual
Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.


tamwu said:   Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.
 Is he a bank president to make over a million bucks a year? I thought bankers make $15 to $20 an hour, maybe a little more if they sit behind a desk. 

Rewdog said:   Your husband is funding his siblings' retirement, why don't you think he would fund yours?
  
My thoughts exactly.  Quit your job and jump on the entitlement train.  In this case you're actually married to the dude and have kids so you're more entitled than your brother's in law.

To answer your question, you may retire.  Unless you signed a pre-nup, you'll have a right to his 2M savings and the homes in event of divorce.  And since you'll have a kid, a judge is a lot more apt to set you up good.  After all, you ended your career so you could raise his kids.  And you can argue you took care of your husband and made him comfortable so he was able to amass millions of dollars.  You've basically hit the lottery.

tamwu said:   My husband does not want to make a scene, that is why he let his older bro be. With our kid coming soon, I tried to minimize the exposure of my kid with his siblings, because I don't want to feel I owe them a child care. I prefer not earning money and spend more time with my own kid. I did tell my husband to bankrupt them, such as not paying their back taxes or credit card bills. He said he will think about it, but at the same time, he gave them his credit card to use. 
  
Here's a Pro Tip...don't tell your husband how to spend HIS money.  Until your lifestyle is affected you don't have a right to comment.

letsspendlotsofmoney said:   How much is $1,200k?  1.2 million? or a typo for 120k? 
If he's pulling in $1200k or 1.2 million I think your salary is not needed.  If you were both making 120k than cutting your family income in half will require some lifestyle changes. 

About me: Programmer, 39. $120K/annual
Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.


  This is very important to clarify.  If the $1200k is a typo and was meant to be $120k that is a COMPLETELY different scenario than if hubby is pulling in $1.2M per year.

yeah, he made 1.2 mil in cash +300K in stock.
You don't have to be a bank president to earn 1 mil, my sis's husband made 1 mil/annually owning software company, my other cousin's husband owns a hedge fund company, etc...

The thing I worried, let's say, something happen in future such as death etc and I am retired, will I still get ssn/medicare as I reach 65 if I retire at age 40?

tamwu said:   Yes, 2 kids within 5-6 years.I also concern about not able to find a job after leaving jobs for so long. I did think about doing some business on the side after my kids are older, but probably not another full time job since it required longer hours in office and commute time. But it will be nice if I can just retire to eliminate stressful life just for money. Can I retire just with 1 mil or 2 mil?
  I understand it is not easy to get back into the work force after a long break. However, it is not that difficult either, particularly if you had a successful career before (as you seem to have) and can explain the break easily.

I am not necessarily saying you need to get back to work in a few years. But phrasing it as a "retirement" at 39 sounds very different than taking a break from your job for a few years to start/raise a family. Even when you are putting that to your husband or family. You can always reevaluate the situation few years down the road and see if being a full-time homemaker is in your family's bet interest.

Financially, you folks are much better off and your household doesnt really need your income.

One thing to keep in mind (sorry to sound negative) is what would happen in case you guys were to split. Be aware of the laws/your rights in such a scenario and how that will affect you/your kids financially.

tamwu said:   yeah, he made 1.2 mil in cash +300K in stock.
You don't have to be a bank president to earn 1 mil, my sis's husband made 1 mil/annually owning software company, my other cousin's husband owns a hedge fund company, etc...

The thing I worried, let's say, something happen in future such as death etc and I am retired, will I still get ssn/medicare as I reach 65 if I retire at age 40?

  You need 40 credits to be eligible for SS retirement benefits, which you probably have (4 credits per year, based on a certain minimum earnings). I believe medicare is similar. In short, you should qualify for SS and medicare when you reach the appropriate age.

Make sure your husband has sufficient life insurance (with you, not the deadbeat siblings, as the beneficiary) in case of untimely death. A good disability insurance is also essential.
 

TJtv said:   
letsspendlotsofmoney said:   How much is $1,200k?  1.2 million? or a typo for 120k? 
If he's pulling in $1200k or 1.2 million I think your salary is not needed.  If you were both making 120k than cutting your family income in half will require some lifestyle changes. 


About me: Programmer, 39. $120K/annual
Husband: Banker, 46, $1,200K/annual plus some stocks.


  This is very important to clarify.  If the $1200k is a typo and was meant to be $120k that is a COMPLETELY different scenario than if hubby is pulling in $1.2M per year.

With the way husband's finances are described, it has to be 1.2M. He's already supporting his brothers for 7K/mo (84K/year). If it was 120K, no way he'll blow most of his post-tax income to support 2 brothers.

It's nice to imagine how the 1 percenters live.

I never thought I would marry a guy who earned more money than I do. I barely know his job until several dates with him. Just imagine, my ex-bf still owes me 25K till today. I am not a gold digger. 
He is a very good guy, we don't have a prenup. We have a very loving relationship. We cannot even find enough time to spend together so divorce is the very last thing we will ever think of. 
Yes, I am quite obedient, I don't want to mention too much about his generosity towards his family. So, I really don't want to make him to feel I am controlling his spending. 
I am so used to be very independent and I just cannot see myself counting on other's for money for next 20 years. But at the same time, I felt very tired with keep on working. Yeah, my job is not really fulfilling. That's why I felt insecure about this retiring. 

kriskos4 said:     Here's a Pro Tip...don't tell your husband how to spend HIS money.  Until your lifestyle is affected you don't have a right to comment.
  If you're married it's "OUR money".

OP certainly has the income to "retire", but $3.5M is not enough for both of them to retire AND support two expensive deadbeats plus a baby.
$7k/month is a ridiculous amount of money to just give away to an able-bodied moocher.  Particularly concerning is the coercive behavior of the person in question--"Every time we complained about his behavior, he can get very violent."

This needs to be dealt with.

I now understand why the Bay Area housing prices are so ridiculous.

jagec said:   $7k/month is a ridiculous amount of money to just give away to an able-bodied moocher.  Particularly concerning is the coercive behavior of the person in question--"Every time we complained about his behavior, he can get very violent."

This needs to be dealt with.

  Why doesn't hubby get them jobs at the bank so they aren't freeloading?

Me thinks there is some reason your husband is funding siblings life. Perhaps there is something in his past he doesn't want the world to know?

atikovi said:     Why doesn't hubby get them jobs at the bank so they aren't freeloading?
  You are assuming they want to hold a responsible job and earn a living.

Aren't you glad that you posted here, OP?

tamwu said:   Yes, I am quite obedient, I don't want to mention too much about his generosity towards his family. So, I really don't want to make him to feel I am controlling his spending. 
I am so used to be very independent and I just cannot see myself counting on other's for money for next 20 years. But at the same time, I felt very tired with keep on working. Yeah, my job is not really fulfilling. That's why I felt insecure about this retiring. 

  
Then don't tell him how to spend his money.

Like the other guy said, hubby is willing to bankroll his deadbeat brothers, least he can do is let you quit your job so you can raise a family.  I'm a little old fashioned, I think mom and dad can do a better job than a nanny...it's not just a paycheck to them.  Normally I advocate the wife gets back into the work place when the kids go to school, in this case I think you're set.  

As far as divorce goes, you've basically hit the lottery.  Get the very best lawyer you can and don't settle for any 'bar napkin' deals hubby sets up.  In many states you'll get half the assets and alimony for life, in the worst states to get divorced you'll get half the assets and alimony for 2 or 3 years.  Depending upon what happens, you may end up evicting one of these deadbeat brothers.

Talk to hubby and if he fights you on quitting then I would absolutely bring up the deadbeat brothers.  He's basically choosing his past over his future family.

tamwu said:   We cannot even find enough time to spend together so divorce is the very last thing we will ever think of.
 

Does not compute. For all you know he has another family somewhere and is paying hush money to his siblings.

scripta said:   
tamwu said:   We cannot even find enough time to spend together so divorce is the very last thing we will ever think of.
Does not compute. For all you know he has another family somewhere and is paying hush money to his siblings.

  
I'm normally not a conspiracy guy but there's something going on here.

OP, how many hours do you see your husband a week?

Retirement at your age?  Definitely not sensible.  Not even close.

Remaining unemployed and devoted to kids until all children have entered school?  Sensible and reasonable provided family finances allow, which they do at this time.
 

ZenNUTS said:   Aren't you glad that you posted here, OP?
  Probably an alt ID for a regular here or a troll.

Ignoring your husbands finances entirely. You say you've got $250k cash and $350k retirement. You say your expenses are barely $1k. If thats all true then you could retire today. You can draw down your money at 2% a year and afford your expenses indefinitely.

If you're married then you'll get the higher of either your SS benefit OR your 50% of your husbands benefit. If your husband continues to work he'll get the highest benefit so you'd end up with 50% of the max benefit. Thats currently ~$2600 so you'd see about $1300 minimum.
If I assume you've been working at a fairly high income since college or roughly 17 years you should be able to qualify for SS on your own work history of over $1000. Thats just a blind guess with very limited info.

I really wish FW would append ip addresses on every post like many forums do.

bluegreenturtle said:   I really wish FW would append ip addresses on every post like many forums do.What for? If someone wanted to hide, they'd just use a proxy.

atikovi said:   
ZenNUTS said:   Aren't you glad that you posted here, OP?
  Probably an alt ID for a regular here or a troll.

  
A troll for sure.

 

kriskos4 said:   Unless you signed a pre-nup, you'll have a right to his 2M savings and the homes in event of divorce.Not if he fully owned all of the homes before becoming married.

MrSamsung said:   I now understand why the Bay Area housing prices are so ridiculous.
  
I don't see where the OP states they are in the bay area. And she says they own houses that are worth 500k. We don't have those here.

This thread sucks.

the ole humble brags are back out, folks!

100% troll. 

Skipping 25 Messages...
I'm not so sure this is a troll, though I haven't read the entire thread carefully. There are many people like this, especially immigrants who grew up poor and had to fend for themselves. Someone born in America doesn't understand this fear. I have a friend (an immigrant) who grew up poor (welfare and food stamps) and is now making $400K+ in a very secure line of work, yet is still fearful of becoming poor.

Also, as OP mentioned, what if her husband dies? 

Without having carefully read this thread, OP, make sure your husband has several million in term life insurance. Search this forum for more info. 

Maybe I'm being trolled into suggesting life insurance. Maybe OP sells life insurance. 



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