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So... LONG story short...me and my ex fiance are broke up. I bought a house for me, her, and her 3 kids to live in. Now she wants the house, I don't, and im trying to figure a way to help her either buy it, or some how keep paying on it. I am a multi-contractor/small business owner. I need a base of ops to do my pc repair. I have an office established in one of my rooms. I want to basically be roommates but I would be using just the one room to offset the extra equity in the house. She would pay the house note. what do you guys think....? is there anything else i can do? if i sell her the house she may not be able to pay the note.... im at a loss. i want her to be in the house but i dont want to be part of it anymore. please any advice would help....ANY!

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Even a contract in writing doesn't stop her changing her mind and staying in the house afterwards.

forbin4040 (Mar. 16, 2017 @ 10:50a) |

I would say women are much more likely to do this. Men will just slowly fade away, doesn't matter if they have a new par... (more)

churningisdead (Mar. 21, 2017 @ 8:34p) |

?  You need to get out more

diffeldoof (Mar. 22, 2017 @ 12:24a) |

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Whose name is the house in? Is it yours?

What are you trying to ask here? If she can't afford the house, then why does she want to live there? 

Sorry bro, but if the house is in your name, she needs to find other living arrangements that meet her financial requirements. 

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Live and work out of the house and send her packing.
Live and work out of the house, send her packing, and find a roommate (1 single person).
Sell or rent out the house, you do your thing, shes does her thing - send her packing.

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Sounds like creepy guy wants to be "room mates" and see if he can get back with his ex.

Kidding, of course.

I would just steer clear. If it's your house, sell the thing (or live in it) but either way she should get out. The liability (of all sorts) alone is enough to make me want to GTFO, if I were in such a situation. Especially with three kids.

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If she wants to keep the house, she should figure out how to buy it or rent it. Don't stay there.

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Yeh everything is in my name. I have been thinking the exact same thing. This whole scenario sucks. I thought the hardest thing id ever do is buy a house, now its getting rid of it, and separating from her. just a little history... we been together for 5 years, split all costs down the middle when some exclusions of course... what kind of liabilities am i looking at with her and the 3 kids living there as room mates?

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Oh its in your name, and she's been paying half the bills. That is totally different...what is common-law marriage in your state? Hopefully she isn't vengeful.

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I don't think she is, but i cant bet on it. its in GA so i don't think common-law rules applies...

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mastav said:   we been together for 5 years, split all costs down the middle when some exclusions of course.Did she pay half of the down payment for the house ?
And half of the monthly house payment ?

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Her paying the mortgage doesn't mean a thing to the lender.  She can stop paying it anything and you wanna guess what happens next?  Your credit will be ruined or worse yet, the lender can foreclose and you lose your equity.  Any how long does this arrangement will go on?  Best it to swallow the pill and get rid off the house now and rent another place for your small business.

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she paid half the monthly payment. everything else was on me with the house loan.

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mastav said:   she paid half the monthly payment. everything else was on me with the house loan.
You mean she was paying you rent that was equal to 1/2 what your monthly mortgage payment was.

I agree with others, you living there as "room mates" has disaster written all over it.  What happens the first time she brings a new "friend" in for an overnighter while your room mates.  Emotions are going to raw for a while and it's best to extricate yourself from the situation before something escalates and the police are knocking on the door.  If she can't afford to buy it outright, then you can rent it to her but I think the best thing would be to figure out how to get rid of the house, her or both and move on with your life.

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mastav said:   So... LONG story short...me and my ex fiance are broke up. I bought a house for me, her, and her 3 kids to live in. Now she wants the house, I don't, and im trying to figure a way to help her either buy it, or some how keep paying on it. I am a multi-contractor/small business owner. I need a base of ops to do my pc repair. I have an office established in one of my rooms. I want to basically be roommates but I would be using just the one room to offset the extra equity in the house. She would pay the house note. what do you guys think....? is there anything else i can do? if i sell her the house she may not be able to pay the note.... im at a loss. i want her to be in the house but i dont want to be part of it anymore. please any advice would help....ANY!

This is going to be a bit harsh but it is honest feedback advice so I hope you'll at least consider it with an open mind. You are being a doormat for her to walk all over and that is probably why you are broken up as she doesn't respect you. You've broken up... her housing is her problem. Living with your ex-fiance is a great way to ensure you never meet any women and move on. You'll be living in a sexual prison with your ex having full control over you. She will bring men over and it will drive you crazy emotionally. You'll be hurt badly and she'll love all the interesting drama in her life.

My advice is to move her out and live in the house or sell it and go no contact with your ex-fiance. You are a plan B safety net at this point.

Stop trying to be Mr. Nice guy, solve everyone else's problems, and worry about yourself and your happiness. 
   

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AverageGuy09 said:   
mastav said:   she paid half the monthly payment. everything else was on me with the house loan.
You mean she was paying you rent that was equal to 1/2 what your monthly mortgage payment was.

 

  
True!  Make sure you have it clear in your head that while the amount she was paying happened to be half of the mortgage payment, she was not paying half of the mortgage.  You had all the risk if the property value drops.  You provided the down payment and credit.  You paid the property taxes and insurance.  You probably paid 100% for any upgrades or repairs.  All things a landlord would be doing.  She only made 1 flat recurring monthly payment (as a tenant would do).  Keep in mind she also (I assume) was taking up more space in the home (with 3 kids - at least 1-3 extra bedrooms used by her "side").

You owe her nothing.  Relationship over.

 

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its a good piece of advice. thank you for your thoughts. i have alot of considering to do.

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you are correct on all assumptions.

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If you want to turn the house into a rental and rent it to her ( not suggesting this, but at least then you would have a lease signed ) that would be 'ok'. But you should really give up on the idea of being in the house at all. That is just a disaster waiting to happen...

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I had a friend who was roommates with his ex.  Everything worked out great until she started bringing guys home & (from his account of events) over-acting her sex noises to get under his skin.  If you're not going to be bothered by guys coming around and her doing her thing, maybe it can work.  Also, will you still enjoy being around her children when you're not the dad figure in the house--just some guy that lives there?  Just sounds awkward all around, I'd send her packing.

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CUT BAIT!!!! Renting it back to her, maybe. Trying to maintain any type of work space there is insane. It only complicates things and is asking for trouble. You'd be better off selling it and finding a clean start to work out of with none of the drama.

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mastav said:   its a good piece of advice. thank you for your thoughts. i have alot of considering to do.
  
There is nothing to consider.  Get out now and cut all ties.  I have literally been in this EXACT same situation (fully supporting a single mom and her three tween/teen kids).  Let me guess, the kid's dad is a deadbeat and doesn't pay any child support right?

There is no option here that works for you other than full extrication.  If you don't, I promise you, you will seriously regret it.

(Don't rent to her, don't try to find a way to help her pay, etc.  Take a loss if you have to.  TRUST ME.)

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sybloc said:   
mastav said:   its a good piece of advice. thank you for your thoughts. i have alot of considering to do.
  
There is nothing to consider.  Get out now and cut all ties.  I have literally been in this EXACT same situation (fully supporting a single mom and her three tween/teen kids).  Let me guess, the kid's dad is a deadbeat and doesn't pay any child support right?

There is no option here that works for you other than full extrication.  If you don't, I promise you, you will seriously regret it.

(Don't rent to her, don't try to find a way to help her pay, etc.  Take a loss if you have to.  TRUST ME.)

  thank you... its good to see common ground. if you dont mind me asking what happened in the end?

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Sell it and offer her 2000 cash to be out in 30 days, 1000 in 60, 90 days eviction and nothing.  (don't know your tenant laws so find a layer).  Mention the new buyer may want to rent it back to you so offer that out with no cash incentive to leave.  Your prime time to sell is in the upcoming months, people get Spring fever for home buying so get it on the market and get out of the situation.  Trying to take the easy/kind whatever way out is only going to cost you.  

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mastav said:   
sybloc said:   
mastav said:   its a good piece of advice. thank you for your thoughts. i have alot of considering to do.
  
There is nothing to consider.  Get out now and cut all ties.  I have literally been in this EXACT same situation (fully supporting a single mom and her three tween/teen kids).  Let me guess, the kid's dad is a deadbeat and doesn't pay any child support right?

There is no option here that works for you other than full extrication.  If you don't, I promise you, you will seriously regret it.

(Don't rent to her, don't try to find a way to help her pay, etc.  Take a loss if you have to.  TRUST ME.)

  thank you... its good to see common ground. if you dont mind me asking what happened in the end?

 
It's a long story but the relevant part to your situation is she used "squatter's rights" to stay in my house free of charge for many months.  I highly suggest you do some research and get all your ducks in line because you're going to have a fight ahead of you.  Talk to a lawyer now before she starts figuring out what's going on.  Good luck!

Edit:  One more thing -- If things get as ugly for you as they did for me, don't bother calling the police.  They will side with her.

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This is the most agreement on what someone should do that I've seen on FWF in a while. Red, blue, black, white, rich, poor, everyone agrees, GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT HOUSE! lol I love it.

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meade18 said:   This is the most agreement on what someone should do that I've seen on FWF in a while. Red, blue, black, white, rich, poor, everyone agrees, GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT HOUSE! lol I love it.
  Yeh i know lol. i think its pretty clear what i have to do. thank you all for this. my conscience is clear.

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no pics?

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You are mistaken about common law marriage in Georgia. All it takes is either of you to say "my wife", or "my husband will call you back later" or what ever?
Seriously separate while things are pleasant.

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meade18 said:   This is the most agreement on what someone should do that I've seen on FWF in a while. Red, blue, black, white, rich, poor, everyone agrees, GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT HOUSE! lol I love it.
    ....and, the OP listened to the advice instead of fighting it like a tiger.  This is indeed a FatWallet miracle!
 

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DamnoIT said:   Sell it and offer her 2000 cash to be out in 30 days, 1000 in 60, 90 days eviction and nothing.  (don't know your tenant laws so find a layer).  Mention the new buyer may want to rent it back to you so offer that out with no cash incentive to leave.  Your prime time to sell is in the upcoming months, people get Spring fever for home buying so get it on the market and get out of the situation.  Trying to take the easy/kind whatever way out is only going to cost you.  
  Mostly agree.

I'd legalize this, meaning get yourself a lawyer. Some states she has equity 50/50 expenses & all. Do whatever: pay her off, get a quit claim etc. Just don't let this dangle it'll bite you. Like getting gangrene early treatment is much easier.

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Clearly you still have feels for her and you want to do right by her. I'd sell the house and find a way to help her out other ways if you can. But let's face it, she has moved on and you haven't quite yet. Sorry on your breakup especially being a fiance. You need to heal op and it's going to take a while.

OP, you don't have to answer - but what was the core issues to the breakup??

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eclectro said:   Clearly you still have feels for her and you want to do right by her. I'd sell the house and find a way to help her out other ways if you can. But let's face it, she has moved on and you haven't quite yet. Sorry on your breakup especially being a fiance. You need to heal op and it's going to take a while.

OP, you don't have to answer - but what was the core issues to the breakup??

  ill be honest... over several years ive been lazy at the house, and intimacy. she says she warned me and i didnt head the warning, so she started having feelings for someone else ( i found this out on my own). she turned cold over night but she was up front with me about not feeling the same way about me. we are still amicable and i trust her in many senses. i love her kids and the family environment and what weve build over the last 4 years. i do still have feelings and it bothers me to no end that is the way it has to be, but shes made up her mind. we are still very good friends.

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mastav said:   
eclectro said:   Clearly you still have feels for her and you want to do right by her. I'd sell the house and find a way to help her out other ways if you can. But let's face it, she has moved on and you haven't quite yet. Sorry on your breakup especially being a fiance. You need to heal op and it's going to take a while.

OP, you don't have to answer - but what was the core issues to the breakup??

  ill be honest... over several years ive been lazy at the house, and intimacy. she says she warned me and i didnt head the warning, so she started having feelings for someone else ( i found this out on my own). she turned cold over night but she was up front with me about not feeling the same way about me. we are still amicable and i trust her in many senses. i love her kids and the family environment and what weve build over the last 4 years. i do still have feelings and it bothers me to no end that is the way it has to be, but shes made up her mind. we are still very good friends.

  Honesty is a good thing. This just sounds like a continued heartbreaking situation. Consider therapy for you alone. She sounds VERY strong willed & UPFRONT. In her eyes even if she breaks up with the new guy you're to be pitied. Not get back together. You're much better settling (living apart) the housing LEGALLY with a LAWYER so that's DONE & NEVER to be revisited. And get on with your life that's the ONLY way she'll see you with respect & a man not a wimpy lovesick puppy. And bonus you'll be much happier in the long term. I wish you well. Oh don't do the pity sex if she has a bump or breakup with her new man.

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mastav said:   
eclectro said:   Clearly you still have feels for her and you want to do right by her. I'd sell the house and find a way to help her out other ways if you can. But let's face it, she has moved on and you haven't quite yet. Sorry on your breakup especially being a fiance. You need to heal op and it's going to take a while.

OP, you don't have to answer - but what was the core issues to the breakup??

  ill be honest... over several years ive been lazy at the house, and intimacy. she says she warned me and i didnt head the warning, so she started having feelings for someone else ( i found this out on my own). she turned cold over night but she was up front with me about not feeling the same way about me. we are still amicable and i trust her in many senses. i love her kids and the family environment and what weve build over the last 4 years. i do still have feelings and it bothers me to no end that is the way it has to be, but shes made up her mind. we are still very good friends.

  

Please be cautious of the "We're still very good friends" thing because she may use that to continue walking all over you and stay in the house.  A clear line needs to be drawn and when you ask her to move out GET IT IN WRITING.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don't underestimate how vengeful someone can be when they've clearly written you out of their life and moved on.  You are just a tool to be used for her and her childs benefit and this has NOTHING to do with you anymore.  Protect yourself ASAP, this CAN turn ugly and unless you're perfectly fine shelling out money every month because she "Doesn't feel like paying" or "I'll get it to you next week" then this WILL go wrong.  Remember you aren't doing this to her.. In her mind you're doing this to her kids.  Hopefully you're right and she's level headed and this warning is moot, but for petes sake don't find out the hard way.  

Edit: for clarification i was in this situation and when I attempted collecting ANY money at all for rent, for the car payment, for insurance.. I was instead met with a restraining order and kicked out of my place for 3 months with 0 ability to retrieve my belongings.  Mind you, we were "Really good friends" up until that point and there was 0 cause to actually receive that order.  All she has to do is bring a kid with her to court and you very well could end up screwed.  Don't be me. 

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You are basically letting her use you with the hope that you will get back together. You just want things to go back the way they were before.

This never works. She knows that she has you under 100% full control and thus she does not respect you. Women constantly test you and respect men who will stand up for themselves.

You need to get her out pronto and stop talking to her. This is not sustainable... she is going to drive you crazy emotionally and hook up with other dudes the longer you drag this on. You'll be jealous, insecure, and more miserable the longer this continues.

Being room mates or even friends with an ex is a terrible idea. A healthy man would never allow such intolerable behavior or disrespect to continue... you need to focus on yourself and think about why you're allowing this to occur.

 

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It would be cheaper for you to rent her a place without your name on it and pay her rent for 3 months and get her out in the long run and then she can figure it out on her own after that.

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Sell the house.  Tell her it's the only way you can move on.  

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mastav said:     ill be honest... over several years ive been lazy at the house, and intimacy. she says she warned me and i didnt head the warning, so she started having feelings for someone else ( i found this out on my own). she turned cold over night but she was up front with me about not feeling the same way about me. we are still amicable and i trust her in many senses. i love her kids and the family environment and what weve build over the last 4 years. i do still have feelings and it bothers me to no end that is the way it has to be, but shes made up her mind. we are still very good friends.
 
Yep, you're me.  You have no idea the precipice you're dangling on.

If you take anything from this thread it's this:  TALK TO AN ATTORNEY.  Seriously, make an appointment right now.  Think of this as a divorce because that's essentially what it is.  IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL REGRET IT.  You're already way past working things out casually.  In our society, a woman plus kids has all the power against you.  Once she decides you're the enemy you're f***ed.  You're already fighting an uphill battle.  That's why you need the law NOW.
 

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I couldn't agree with sybloc any more. The best advice I got from anyone at any point during a divorce was from a lawyer. I was trying to save things too, but he advised me to lock everything up in writing. Per his advice, I got anything and everything I could possibly legally get. He wisely told me I was free to give her anything I wanted or do any nice gesture I pleased - AFTER the paperwork was done. It's largely impossible to go back after the fact and get what's fair if you screw yourself upfront. On the other hand, once it's all yours, you can do what you want with it. Don't make any assumptions about how things will turn out, protect yourself now and then hope for the best later.

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mastav said:     ill be honest... over several years ive been lazy at the house, and intimacy. she says she warned me and i didnt head the warning, so she started having feelings for someone else ( i found this out on my own). she turned cold over night but she was up front with me about not feeling the same way about me. we are still amicable and i trust her in many senses. i love her kids and the family environment and what weve build over the last 4 years. i do still have feelings and it bothers me to no end that is the way it has to be, but shes made up her mind. we are still very good friends.
  
she is playing you for a fool. this is pathetic. you blame yourself for providing for her and someone else's kid. 

and then she blames you for her cheating. what the heck? she wasn't even up front about it, you found out. get rid of this LOSER asap.

Skipping 22 Messages...
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churningisdead said:   
oppidum said:   
kriskos4 said:   women don't let go of one branch until they've grabbed the next.
  
Not all women do that, certainly not.

And many, many men do that.

---
Personally, I've known an equal number of men and women who have done that. (Starting their next relationship before formally ending the prior one.)

  
I would say women are much more likely to do this. Men will just slowly fade away, doesn't matter if they have a new partner or not. For women, rest assured they are always out looking for the next best thing. The worst of it is all is the rationalization of their dishonesty.

Men actually admit when they are wrong.

  ?  You need to get out more

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