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9 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do

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I've taken this out of context from Full Story in Context - but not as much fun. 


9 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do


       1.Own his feelings

Dr. Craig Malkin calls this playing “emotional hot potato” because it’s a common pattern –ascribing whatever he’s feeling in the moment to you which is a form of projection. This becomes a manipulative tactic as well, especially if the narcissist in your life also uses stonewalling and can be emotionally very confusing. (I am speaking from experience here.) Let’s say that you want to talk through a problem and you begin calmly, stating what the problem is. He reacts defensively and he’s clearly getting angry—you can tell by the way he’s folding his arms over his chest, how his jaw muscles are working, and how the furrow between his eyes deepens—and says he doesn’t want to talk about the issue. You start to feel angry and frustrated but you try again and he cuts you off. You ask him why he’s getting so angry and he responds by saying he’s not angry but you are. Yes, that’s the hot potato moment but the fact is that you are angry and getting angrier by the minute. Escalation is built into this and now you’re screaming at him and he looks at you and says, “I’m tired of your anger” and leaves the room.

The truth is that you’ve been played but the likelihood is that you don’t know it. The narcissist is expert at making you feel unsure.

       2. Stop playing games

And it’s not just about emotional hot potato either. People high in narcissistic traits want to be in relationships but only on their terms and they thrive on feeling that they have power and control over their partners, as studies show, and feel autonomous. So, no, playing games isn’t coming off the menu any time soon.

      3. Care about emotional consequences

It’s widely known that people high in narcissistic traits have impaired empathy but the better way of thinking about it is that they—unlike most people—don’t care about the emotional fallout from their behaviors. Most of us care about being well-thought of and we also like thinking of ourselves as people who don’t hurt others deliberately; we’re more likely to fall into the trap of becoming inveterate pleasers to avoid upsetting others than we are to engage outright war. None of that is true of the narcissist. If he has to burn every bridge to win and feel good about himself, he’ll grab the kerosene. This is especially important to remember if you are divorcing a narcissist.

      4. Stop one-upmanship

This is closely allied to #2 and #3 but being indefatigable is also a hallmark of the narcissist. As Dr. Joseph Burgo notes in his book The Narcissist You Know, the narcissist is highly vindictive. Burgo believes that what motivates the narcissist is his need to cover unconscious shame and whenever that shame starts rising into awareness, he feels under siege and reacts to deflect the feeling and to wreak revenge. There is no “off” button as those who’ve been unlucky enough to be the Target of the gossip and slurs a narcissist will avail himself of.

      5. Tell the truth

The irony is that the narcissist only recognizes one brand of truth (his own) and it doesn’t really matter whether his version of events is utterly contradicted by facts or even a paper trail. He’s sticking to his guns because you are the liar.

       6. Apologize

Since the narcissist never takes responsibility for his acts, words, or feelings, what’s there to apologize for? He only did what he had to do in response to other people’s actions, after all.

       7. Make peace

Not happening for a number of reasons. First and foremost is his need to feel superior to others and to be in control; he likes the rough-and-tumble of conflict and discord because it makes him feel powerful. Second, because he sees himself as merely reactive to slights and provocations by others, he’s not going to yield and look like a weakling. Third, he’s happy with scorched earth if that’s what’s needed to feel like a winner. This is why divorcing a narcissist is an utter nightmare—don’t count on him to negotiate or meet you in middle—and why co-parenting is an extended one.

       8. Let you go

Not until you’re replaced. The narcissist needs you as a planet circling his sun to feel good about himself so he’s not going to go no contact until he’s geared up and found someone new. He’ll keep on engaging—sending you texts, writing you emails, leaving you voice mail—just to try to keep you in his orbit so he can feel good about himself and winning.

       9. Change

Barring an out-of-body experience or major epiphany of near Biblical proportions, not likely.

 

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I thought political posts were forbidden here.

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the happy member found something he's not happy about

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This topic is not political therefore not against FW tos.

This is about a woman's narcissist ex. I sourced it check out the original.

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They will never stop telling you how to spend your money, even if you hardly have any.

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Not think this song is about them?

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do re mi mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimi

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kamalktk said:   Not think this song is about them?
  I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)
 

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Number 10. Read the op

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I thought this thread would be about scourds.


/couldn't help it :-P

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Completely true, but usually you figure it out too late to get out without it being a nightmare.

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Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

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AbbyN said:   Completely true, but usually you figure it out too late to get out without it being a nightmare.
hey, look who showed up  

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morecowbell said:   AbbyN said:   Completely true, but usually you figure it out too late to get out without it being a nightmare.
hey, look who showed up  

/says the no-show who showed up like 2 weeks ago.

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maybe i'm a narcissist

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9 things - There could be more -_-

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morecowbell said:   maybe i'm a narcissist
  Do you care to explain?

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.

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It irks me when people call their parent/sibling/spouse/inlaw/coworker a narcissist just because the person dared to say no to them. No, your sister isn't a narcissist because she doesn't want to babysit and your mother in law isn't a narcissist because she won't lend you money. However, you do sound a bit narcissistic...

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